To think many parents are subsidised by their parents at Christmas?

[EveryoneIsIll]

As I get older, it seems a lot of friends are getting financial help with everything from school trips to clubs or tutors, through to holidays and days out (in some cases so the grandparents can have time with their grandkids but sometimes not). Christmas also - whether that’s buying the turkey, the big ticket gifts or whatever.

It’s not my experience so it can leave me wondering if this is most people’s experiences, only it’s just not spoken about?

Dh's parents are very generous. Dh and his siblings probably get between 20 and 40 000 a year each for various things. I think their perspective is its much more useful now when we have young children.

Trust me, they have covered every bridge in terms of financial planning, I’m not worried about that for a moment

tbf you'll end up paying for it in another way. All the older people ensuring their money goes to children instead of care is one reason why we now have higher taxes & a crumbling social care system. You'll get your inheritance but no state pension! 😆

@AliceMcK I think this is where it becomes other people’s business for sure.

@EveryoneIsIll Ha, I’m wildly unBritish about talking about money. Finding all the shrieky “cat’s bum mouth” posts about how finances are no one else’s business very entertaining. You’re not forcing anyone to participate. And it’s an interesting thread!

@yoyy I wondered about this.

@stuntbubbles I notice grandparents play a significant part of modern lives today. Everywhere we go, grandparents are there. Like ice skating recently for example. We don’t have that and I notice it even more every Xmas. Especially when people talk about plans and so on. I think it’s good to talk about this. Guess it means I’m a ‘have-not’ according to some posts perhaps?

@Dinosauratemydaffodils Im sorry, what! 20k - 40k a year? Wowee. Does he still work hard or is his foot out the door/planning early retirement?

My parents will spend up to £50 on a present for DS now he is a teen, half that when he was younger. They are young grandparents in a much better financial situation than when they were young parents themselves. One of my siblings and I are both single parents and not well off. They don't subsidise us in any other way.

My mam a shopoholic and likes to throw money around when it comes to gifts for the kids especially as shes the only family that buys the kids gifts so she likes to go big... but its not subsidising me in anyway though as they are gifts from HER that are ontop of what we do.

I still buy all of the xmas stuff myself, if she only bought a box of maltesers for the kids nothing would change in how we do xmas.

I pay for my holidays myself, I saved my house deposit myself (although mam offered to help) and she did INSIST on paying for my first car which was £500 (I paid the rest of the costs and insurance was 5x the cost of the car lol) it was a pride thing for her to say she bought my first car.

I don't like accepting money from my mam as I don't like scrounging.

@mam0918 Your mam sounds lovely. Interesting use of the word ‘scrounging’. I think some people here have said they would feel same way. Someone else said there’s no ‘shame’ in taking money.

i guess this poses question of how far should we encourage kids to stand on own two feet in today’s world.

Neither me or my husband have asked for, or been offered anything financial from our parents since we left school and began working.
Our children have never asked us for anything financial, nor do we offer.
We all stand on our own two feet.

I'll take whatever I'm given, if that makes me a scrounger then 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you've taken my comment in the completely wrong context. It wasn't aimed as a dig at you

It's sad that people see being given a helping hand, being supported or treated as scrounging.

And at the same time we see tons of threads moaning about how much money the older generation have and that they think it's easy for the younger generation.

I grew up in poverty, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm not wealthy but if I have it - be that time, money or treats, then I'm more than happy to share it.

My boys don't need anything from me, nor do they expect anything. They both work and have their own money. But if I invite them to join us for dinner I foot the bill. If I have spare money I'll ask them if there's anything they need, and I sometimes buy things for no other reason than I know they would get enjoyment from the item.

If they were in trouble financially I would want them to ask, or accept if I offer, because I'm their mum and I can. If I couldn't help financially I would help in whatever way I could. I would never view them as scroungers or as being dependent, they are my sons. As far as I am concerned as long as my bills are paid and I have food in the fridge what's left is to benefit us all as a family.

My parents have never contributed a penny and I doubt it has ever entered their heads to. My husband's parents haven't either. And I doubt theirs did or theirs before them.

Mine just turned up empty handed and expected to be plied with their choice of booze and food all day long. 🙄

My more well off friends do as their parents are well off. One friends husbands got a really high paying job yet her parents paid for their new boiler and carpets.

Im sorry, what! 20k - 40k a year? Wowee. Does he still work hard or is his foot out the door/planning early retirement?

Dh? Not a chance, he regularly does 60 hour plus weeks when he's obsessed with a project (which is most of the time).

His siblings are the same. Can't see any of them retiring early. Suspect they'll be like FiL who still does consultancy work at 80.

My mum takes the view that I’m her child and if she can help where I’m struggling then she will. When she was at my age and stage of parenting they had two decent wages coming in and life was cheaper. I only have one wage, and life is expensive. But if her grandchildren can have the opportunities she was able to give her own children, why wouldn’t she help them and me? She’s comfortable and has a nice life, so if for example, she can pay for a school trip I couldn’t stretch to, then she will. She sees it as an extension of her parenting really.
I never ask, but she does offer from time to time. Eg she knows it’s hard for me with two SEN kids, working full time and solo parenting, so she pays for me to have a cleaner once a fortnight. It’s no big expense to her, but it’s an absolute life saver for me.
Id do the same for my own daughter. I love my mum ❤️

'scrounge - to obtain something at the expense or through the generosity of others.'

Thats the dictionary definition, it is litrally the exact word for it, if you are gaining things at the expense of your parents which they offer through generousity you are scrounging.

We’re baby boomers, helped our DC a little when they were starting out, but our finances aren’t great in retirement. However, we buy decent presents for the DGC, either outright or a contribution to something bigger, and provided childcare for one when they lived close enough. Babysitting when they were younger too.

We are fortunate that our DC are in good financial circumstances, in fact they have offered help if we need it, but we’re still eating and heating. One DC hosts at Christmas, they have the space. We contribute alcohol, and nice bits and pieces of food.

You’ve missed of the first part seek to obtain which changes whole meaning.
In most of these examples the adults and grandchildren aren’t asking for money or demanding it rather the grandparents are gifting money freely. Voluntarily sharing their wealth.

Your missing the point its about accepting generousity at the expense of others.

It is a decision for grandparents though? They know their financial situation. How is it at their expense if they freely gift it. It often gives them pleasure as they see grandchildren enjoying activities or all family can enjoy a holiday together.
Totally different to demanding money from a parent who is on breadline.

We have a small family - just our daughter, son-in-law and little grandson. We help out where we can. We're not hugely wealthy having both worked in the public sector, but I inherited from my parents and we have always been careful with money and saved quite a bit.

I paid for her wedding, gave them a substantial deposit for a house, paid off their car loans and we now do two days a week childcare. Really glad to have a great relationship with our toddler grandson - we've had him today and it's been a blast - he's so funny and cute.

We moved to be nearer to them about three years ago and ended up with some spare cash from the move, so in due course will help them move up the ladder as I want to see that money invested back in property.

I buy our grandson things like his shoes and other bits and pieces. The other grandparents are also generous in differing ways - one has started a financial investment for him.

My daughter and son-in-law both work very hard and we're happy to help. I prefer to see them benefit now rather than after we're gone. We prefer a fairly simple life ourselves so have more than enough for our own needs.