Mil took DS without car seat

[Cybermondayyay]

Can I ask how would you feel if your MIL took out your 7 month old son out without a car seat?

OH argue she’s peer pressured into thing’s by FIL and always has been. Doesn’t want to bring it up to her as she’s very sensitive and will upset her!

I’d be fuming. And I’d be very clear as the trust has gone, there will be no unsupervised visits from now on. My mother moaned and groaned regularly about the car seat and how ridiculous they are. Safety gone mad. That kind of sentiment. She was most put out when I insisted on feeding dd whilst the car was stationary. Why didn’t I just hold her in my arms etc. I get the mentality.

How did you find out?

I wouldn’t bother with an argument, the grandparents just can’t be alone with the child any more. It might be a different bad decision next time — there’s no point schooling them on car seats when the fundamental problem is a lack of judgement and care.

I forgot to add. How come it is ok for your oh to say stuff about your family. But not you his? Who made him the boss? I’m betting if your parents did this, he’d have a lot to say!

Absolutely not ok and a total deal breaker. Just very calmly keep saying no and stick to it until your DS is 135cm tall!!

No-one likes confrontation, and you don’t need to confront anyone. Just don’t let him go unsupervised again. There are things with my ILs / my extended family I simply don’t allow to happen. There is no confrontation as there is no discussion.

What an utter, utter idiot

This is not (mostly) MILs fault. FIL was driving. Blame him. That's the approach I would take. He's the one with the power here. I feel mil is getting blamed because she's a woman.
Anyway a huge red flag here. Your husband is going to follow the model of his parents and not value your judgement. He needs to realise what he is doing and change his ways before the whole sorry cycle repeats itself in the next generation.
Meanwhile time to step up and be a parent. The first time you assert yourself with the in-laws is the hardest. They respect you more afterwards.

You know this is so very wrong, dangerous and illegal. There isn’t a decent person on here who would agree with what you In-laws have done. How can you feel at ease in the future knowing this may happen again? You owe it to your young child to stand up for him, you are his voice.
There was a horrendous accident on my road, a few years ago. A family were travelling with the young baby on her mums lap. A car pulled out in front of them and the baby was thrown through the car windscreen and onto the road The poor child did not survive.
Never allow your precious child to travel in a car with them again.

A friend did this with my DDs. It was the last time they went to that friend’s house.

If your DH thinks it’s okay then tell him ask a police officer/firefighter/nurse/doctor about it.

It would have been the driver’s responsibility. Not the mil’s.

Did she tell you that she'd done it? Or did you figure it out for yourself because you know that BIL's car hasn't got a baby seat in it?

Either way, it's unforgivable, not to mention illegal.

This. And I'm not one for gatekeeper children like that.

Its not only illegal, as many PP's have said, it could kill or badly hurt your child.

The only way I would ever be ok with this would be in a short drive to A&E for DS type emergency if they didn't have the car seat, I couldn't get there and there was a wait for an ambulance (as there often is now) . For dinner?! I would be furious and they would not be looking after my child again

I'd point out to both your husband and his parents that had there been a collision whilst at speed, your 7 month old baby would have been turned into a fucking MISSILE.

Don't let this happen again, please.

How do you know all this?

Was the car seat there and they chose not to use it?

I would be furious but what’s done is done.

I would be telling DH to have a word and tell her that if it ever happens again she will not be allowed to see the grandchildren alone.

If you decide to let her babysit again then I would put the car seat in their car and tell them to leave it in there, then take it back out when you pick him up.

That way you know for a fact if they ever go go out in the car again he’ll definitely be put in the car seat.

Where's your tiger teeth and bear claws, Mama?!
This is not even worth the dithering over upset and hurt feelings! Get your claws out woman and fight for your child who is depending on you to keep them safe!

I'd be absolutely fuming, and i wouldn'tbe keeping quiet about it for love nor money. Once, my fil suggested he took my eldest (then 3y) out round the block in his new car - without a car seat, saying "it doesn't matter". I replied in the strongest terms that it did matter. He got the message.

If it were me I'd absolutely never allow her or FIL to see baby again. Ever. And as much as I hate confrontation I'd give her both barrels over it, to her face. Breaking the law, risking his life, all without any thought to him or parents. And honestly I'd end my marriage over this if H didn't support me - why exactly does he not care about the baby's life? Is his family seeing baby more important than his health and life?
And I'd report her to the police and anyone else relevant so she never got the opportunity when child was in H custody time after divorce. The life of my child outweighs anyone else's feelings or opinions.
I know everyone leaps to 'leave him over it' but for this I absolutely would if he didn't change his tune and take the side of the baby's life instead of his parents feelings

I would talk to her privately without FIL and BIL around. If she has been bullied her whole life i.e. groomed to obey and abused, talking to her Infront of people will not help. Obviously doesn't make it okay even if she was under pressure. If you can start the conversation with a question like "I was wondering if you could help me to understand why you thought it was okay for 'name' to go in the car without a car seat? " I would make it clear that I didn't want that to happen again, not ever. I would ask if it would help to make a car seat available.
It sounds from your other updates that there is a lot going on in terms of family dynamics that this incident may have brought to the surface...this situation is a symptom of that.

Why is this just MIL's fault? Call them both out - terrible behaviour x

I don’t think putting the seat into the car will guarantee it’s used. They might take it out to fit more kids in the back

You have a DH problem.

I would message whoever was driving he car and tell them what I thought of their irresponsible behaviour.

MIL/FIL would not have unsupervised access to DC.

I don't like confrontation either, but my child dying in a car accident is worse!

It doesn't matter whose idea it was or if one was pressuring another. Those factors don't change how dangerous it was. None of them (MIL, FIL or BIL) would be left alone with my child again.

Quite frankly I don't care who I upset when it is about the safety of my child.

As an aside why was there no car seat available?

It could easily not stop here if you allow them to see baby again. Do it again, or give him chokable size sweets, let him walk into traffic. Plus they'll learn they can ignore what you want because no consequences. No second chances with a child's life in my book