Mil took DS without car seat

[Cybermondayyay]

Can I ask how would you feel if your MIL took out your 7 month old son out without a car seat?

OH argue she’s peer pressured into thing’s by FIL and always has been. Doesn’t want to bring it up to her as she’s very sensitive and will upset her!

Why on earth do you need you OHs permission to bring this up.

Call/text MiL.

"You were incredibly irresponsible. Unfortunately due to you taking DC out with no car seat, you will no longer have unsupervised visits"

I would go fucking ballistic

@Cybermondayyay I hope they have a spare room because 'D'H would be going to live with them, if his mother's feeling are more important than yours.

He would need to take me to court to get any contact with DC.

if in a car using, erm, I dunno, the seatbelts?? 🙄

if it was me she would never see my child again.

If you mean she took him out in a car without a child car seat, that’s illegal, and for a good reason.
Your OH needs to start giving priority to his baby’s safety over not wanting to “upset” her.
I’d be tempted to “upset” her by showing her crash test dummy videos of unsecured babies and children. Even at low speeds the effect is shocking.

Bloody hell. Seven months!!!! I too assumed this would be about an older child, which would still have been bad, but seven MONTHS???? I would be so angry.

I agree.

How would I feel? Id be furious and there is no way she’d ever look after him again if she’s happy to put his life in danger.

And it’s against the law to boot.

Tbh, I would report them to the police. Your DH needs to realise how serious this is.

Trying to be careful as I don’t want to out myself but f it!

BIL birthday (he lives with them) they never originally planned to go out for dinner. But when he came back home he put the idea out there and FIL and BIL was telling her to come and that she can’t stay at home whilst they go.

so she sat in the back holding DS and her 2 other grandkids in the back.

im really annoyed and it’s messing with my head. I absolutely love her to bits she is a lovely MIL and nanny. I’m crap at confrontation

I accept that there's certain compromises you make when grandparents look after your children, but correct car seat safety isn't one of them. They wouldn't be looking after my child unsupervised again (unless, perhaps, I knew FIL was in a different country!)

Which are for adults, and are not able to secure a 7 month old baby. Which is why it’s the law to have car seats for babies and children.

I wouldn't bother saying anything but I couldnt leave child with her again. It's not safe.

This. I'm usually the one on here telling parents to be a little less prescriptive in how they insist grandparents look after their children etc. But a 7 month baby not in a car seat is 100% unacceptable. It's not a case of having a fight with her. It's a very calm, rational pointing out that it was illegal, and dangerous.

And if your FIL has form for forcing her to do this sort of thing, then yo have to consider whether he should be allowed around your children.

She's unable to put the safety of your baby before the wants of an adults.

Sorry she's not a lovely nanny

Carseats are the driver’s responsibility.
So your DH needs to call his dad and read him the riot act.
And probably his brother too if he was pushing for the dinner when it meant all the grandkids would be traveling without carseats.
Fucking idiots.

good god i was expecitng this to be about a 7 year old, and was preparing to say that maybe it wasn't that bad
but a 7 MONTH old - not a hope, nope, no way, entirley wreckless

How was she holding 3 kids? How old were the others? Why did MIL have all these children with her? Where were you and your DH at the time?

In either case it's still a huge error of judgement and I still wouldn't trust DS in their care. Honestly I can't believe you don't want to address your son's safety due to fear of confrontation.....

and to PP, seatbelt for a 7 month old?!

I’m assuming she and FIL were wearing their seatbelts?? So there was enough of a risk for them want to use them. No excuses op, if they were mine they wouldn’t be left unsupervised again- their radar is so far off, it can’t be seen!

In an accident, unsecured items in the car (including improperly restrained people) act as catapults. They would have taken out both adults on their way out through the windows, how can it ever be worth the risk??!!

No one loves confrontation but sometimes you have a take a deep breath and make a point.

This is the safety of your child. How you are not exploding right now I don’t know.

It's illegal, reckless and utterly stupid. Has she admitted to doing this and been given the impression that it's ok so that she doesn't get upset? Most accidents happen close to home. A bump at a low speed could be fatal to an unsecured baby. An adult holding the baby risks crushing it on impact. This could have easily ended in tragedy and she will do it again if she's led to believe this isn't a big deal. How can your fear if confrontation (which I share!) be greater than your fear of losing your child in a senseless and preventable accident? You have to advocate for your baby, who cannot advocate for themselves. However reluctant you are to cause upset, you have to do it for your baby's sake. This cannot be brushed under the carpet or let go to keep the peace.

Did they have a car seat and chose not to use it? At 7 months mine would have gone nowhere without a car seat. I'd also be laying the blame on both MIL and FIL. DH needs to to talk to both of them. And if there wasn't some sort of consensus reached I wouldn't be leaving dc there again.

Upset her, offend her - do it right now.