Mil took DS without car seat

[Cybermondayyay]

Can I ask how would you feel if your MIL took out your 7 month old son out without a car seat?

OH argue she’s peer pressured into thing’s by FIL and always has been. Doesn’t want to bring it up to her as she’s very sensitive and will upset her!

"Where's your tiger teeth and bear claws, Mama?!"

🤮

I'd struggle to respect my DH as a father after this.
His mother's feelings are far more important that his own sons safety. That's shocking.
No more unsupervised time for mil. As for your husband, God knows how you move on from that.

I'd be furious, and my children would never again travel with MIL and FIL in his car.

What they did was not just dangerous, it was illegal. They both must have known that, and did it anyway.

I'd wonder what other dangerous, illegal behaviours they exposed my children to in their home. Would she leave a baby alone with her dog, or alone in the bath ? Near an open fire? Not bother with a fire guard? Would she put the baby on a table to change a nappy and leave him there while she answers the door? Leave medicines or knives within reach of a toddler? Do they get drunk or smoke when babysitting?

She doesn't care about your child's safety and you're very lucky you found out before they got hurt.

If this were me, they would never, ever have unsupervised access again as long as car seats were required.

My own MIL has done some insanely stupid stuff with my two DDs, though nothing directly to do with car seat safety, but for this reason she’s not allowed to drive them in the car, as past behaviour has shown that she absolutely cannot be trusted to follow a simple and safe set of instructions, so I cannot trust her to transport them safely. End of.

I was just coming to post similar. I don’t get why op posted how would you feel if your MIL took out your 7 month old son out without a car seat? it wasn’t MIL, it was 3 adults that took baby & other GC out without car seats, why is just the MIL getting the blame?!

Someone who can be peer pressured into putting a baby or child in dangerous situations should not have unsupervised access to them. Clearly the same goes for your husband if he thinks this is OK.

I say this with every ounce of literal, real life conviction, as opposed to flippant SM/Mumsnet keyboard aggression - SHE/THEY WOULD NEVER BE LEFT ALONE WITH MY CHILD AGAIN!!!

I would not give one solitary shit how sensitive MIL is, she could have seriously harmed or killed YOUR baby.

If your DH is too pathetic to step in when they've behaved that outrageously, then he never will. He is clearly willing to put his mother's emotions ahead of your baby's safety.

Pull your big girls pants up, OP. It looks like it's solely up to you to put them on their arse over this. It is literally your job to advocate for that little one - DO IT!!

I'd be starting by printing of this thread and sending it to them.

Twats.

I was expecting to read the child was 9 or 10 or something. But a little baby! I'd be absolutely furious!

And as for your OH
Doesn’t want to bring it up to her as she’s very sensitive and will upset her!

Seriously? So his babys safety and quite possibly his LIFE is worth less than upsetting his mother? Dear God. Heard it all now.

She'll already know it was wrong. I'd be round there reading the BOTH of them AND BIL the riot act. No way is that acceptable.

I wouldn't leave a child with people who don't have access to an appropriate child restraint regardless of their plans or non plans. What would happen if they had to drive in an emergency situation to get the child, or one of them, medical care.

It was very stupid, I would be angry, but I would also look at my part in all of this - leave a baby, then you leave a child restraint with the baby.

Obviously this is extremely dangerous and unacceptable. I don’t know why everyone is saying SHE is irresponsible and should never have him again, it’s THEY are irresponsible. Is everyone afraid of confronting FIL. I wouldn’t text MIL , I would tell them both that this is illegal and dangerous and only let her visit her grandchild in your home for now

This is the one time you need to lose your shit with all of them.

Totally dangerous, irresponsible and illegal.

Given they were out for a birthday meal, I'd also want to know if the driver had any alcohol before driving them home again. Does the mother of BiL's children know and how would she feel? It sounds like the FiL/BiL wouldn't use a car seat even if provided because of transporting the other two grandchildren so it seems very likely they'll do it again - pressuring MiL to hold the baby so they can all fit in the car. They should be reported.

If there was a car seat there and they chose not to use it then they wouldn't be looking after my child again. That's different, but if you didn't leave a car seat then you need to think about your part in all of this.

It gets worse OP. As well as breaking the car seat laws, if BIL had 4 humans on a back seat with the usual 3 seats he invalidated his insurance. The baby in arms still counts in those numbers of course as he legally should have been secured in a car seat. He was most likely an uninsured driver on the road.That’s two laws broken. You know it should be reported to the police, fines, points on his licence etc.

There is your leverage with your DH. He doesnt want the confrontation to upset his Mum, or he’s a bit scared of his Dad, so typical DH he’s trying to shrug it off but remember you are matriarch of your family unit. Tell him he doesnt get to minimise this. He must read the riot act to his family in the next 24 hours or you will tell the police. No unsupervised access in the forseeable future until you are convinced they have sincerely learnt their lesson. If DH wont step up…off you go to the police. Make it his choice what happens next. If he laughs you off that the police would only have your word for it, point out having 6 in the car could have been caught on cctv where they parked or in the restaurant etc. so the police might be able to get evidence if they know where to look. And make sure your nieces/nephews DM knows about it too. She might not choose to do anything but she cant claim not to know once you've told her, and you never know that she might be grateful for the leverage too.

I think aside from the obvious danger to your ds, I find it very unsettling how she alone is being blamed.

It sounds like she was bullied by both BIL and FIL when she told them she was staying at home with ds.

I would be having very serious words with all three adults about safety and also unacceptable bullying of your MIL.

I see now that other people have made the same point

He doesn't want you to upset his mother? Him and the other 3 would get the riot act from me. How dare his family endanger your child and he's defending it and asking you to keep quiet? I'd loose it. You need to speak up about this or this kind of neglect and endangerment of your child will continue. Your silence will give them the green light.

That’s absolutely awful! You are well within your rights to be annoyed/upset

I would be furious with them all. Although I did ensure my parents had a car seat, I offered to pay but they declined. So this situation couldn't happen.

I appreciate not everyone can afford this but basic car seats for occasional use don't have to be expensive.

I disagree with showing your DH a page of text that shows it's illegal to have children in a car unrestrained.
I think you need to show this to them and ask which one in this situation would have been your MiL, your FiL, your BiL, his children and last but by no means least your 7 month old child???

if you didn't leave a car seat then you need to think about your part in all of this.

Looks like OP's FIL has found this thread 🤔

Bang out of order imo
However - I'd have more issue with DH who didn't see a problem with it because without him on side, you're not gonna get anywhere. I'd be questioning why my child's father is happy to have them travel h safely.

And dc wouldn't be going again.

Will you not be allowed to mention it when you are burying your child because he was unrestrained and went through the windscreen?

Op I would be livid and they would never get any if my kids unsupervised again. Your oh needs to stand up to this as they could have killed your baby. Ffs how in this day and age in this country anyone thing it’s ok to take a baby in a car without a car seat.

I would explain that access will be supervised until I feel sure it will never happen again