Mil took DS without car seat

[Cybermondayyay]

Can I ask how would you feel if your MIL took out your 7 month old son out without a car seat?

OH argue she’s peer pressured into thing’s by FIL and always has been. Doesn’t want to bring it up to her as she’s very sensitive and will upset her!

I wouldn't be letting them have sole supervision of my child ever again.

And your H needs to call them out on it, big time, or I'd be considering the relationship.

Today is the day your DP needs to find his balls and have serious words with his father.
It is not acceptable for his father to bully his mother.
It is not acceptable for his father to put your child's life in danger.

If he knows his mother gets pressured by his dad, then he needs to speak up and defend her and your child.

If your DP does not want to have this conversation, then his parents no longer have unsupervised access to your child and this is the shared fault of your DP and his father.

If you do step up and say something, even if it's restrained, you have to include your FIL and BIL in it too. There were three adults involved, not just one, and the two men are just as responsible. They were both happy to have a baby not in a car seat in the car. Don't limit your justifiable anger to your MIL. The two men don't get a free pass. Both of them had the same responsibility to say no, not doing it, unsafe, and they put their own wants first instead.

(I'd like to add, just quietly, that if MIL is in an abusive relationship as has been suggested, this can have a massive impact on your ability to make sensible decisions. You don't know what the consequences of saying no could have been for her. I'm not trying to justify what she did, or say that it was OK, because it wasn't, but please keep it at the back of your mind as this may be bigger than one awful decision).

@MeridianB Your 100% right this is spot on. But everyone makes out like everything is fine. His dad has definitely bullied MIL throughout their whole marriage. She is just a yes woman to him! But god forbid say this to OH and he will say no it’s not like that.

Other kids were cousins, but they are BIL kids and he was driving he is the same kind of person as FIL so no point discussing anything there.

BeardieWeirdie · Today 11:34
Fuck her feelings (and your husbands’ if he’s minimising this so as not to upset mummy). My child would never be entrusted into their care again“

This.

Explain to you dh that if it ever happens again you will report her to the police as it’s illegal.
I can’t believe your mil was so stupid.
And she’s not a great Nanny because I’m a gm and no way would I do that.

I'm curious. It's not to suggest it was excusable or OP's fault, but I am wondering (esp given her DH's reaction) what the cirucmstances could be for MIL to find the need to do that. Believe curiosity is allowed on AIBU?

You must be really upset.

however, it doesn’t have to be a confrontation, it can be a conversation. Each time baby is dropped off the car seat goes with him. Clip it into their car & the issue is sorted. I think MIL will likely feel terrible about this too.

The other day I worked with a woman who had been looking after her 3yr old grandchild who she had 2 days a week and adored. They went for a walk. grandma had an IBS attack. Grandad came in the car and put them both in It - drove them the 5 mins home. Absolute extreme circumstance. Brand new car so they didn’t have the car seat in. Her son & DIL have not allowed her to have contact with her grandchild for a year now. I think it’s so sad. No one wins do they?

www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

Show your dh this^^

User38899953 · Today 11:34
Why on earth do you need you OHs permission to bring this up.

Call/text MiL.

"You were incredibly irresponsible. Unfortunately due to you taking DC out with no car seat, you will no longer have unsupervised visits“

And this ^

You might not like confrontation, but this needs it. MIL must be told that what she did is dangerous, illegal and must never happen again.
Your DH also needs to see that she put his child at risk. That is never ok.

Love how everyone is so focused on MIL. Get them both told, you don't need your husbands permission to protect your child

Report bil to the police if he was driving

You know you need to bring this up. Your DH needs to act like a parent not a compliant child, your child’s safety is dependent on this.

Your mil may be bullied but she wouldn’t shop lift or assault someone on her dh’s say so, I hope. Therefore no excuse to commit this illegal act.

I feel sorry for the grandparents here but they were so very wrong to do what they did. The circumstance is not extreme enough to risk a small child's life.

OP, given your update then as sorry as I also feel for your MIL, she isn't able to protect your baby and you can't let her have unsupervised contact again. Terrible for her that her life is blighted by the male bullies she lives with but she isn't capable of putting your baby first and keeping her grandchild safe.

Car seat/ seatbelt laws are about 30 odd years old, particularly for babies, so there can't be that many grandparents of infants who are young enough to want to care for them who should be finding the concept of transporting babies/ toddlers in appropriate car seats to be a revolutionary, newfangled concept.

The younger the child, the more it matters, and the higher the stakes. At 7 years I'd be pointing out that the driver was lucky not to be pulled over, fined and get points on the licence, but for a 7 month old who (usually) barely just has the strength to sit unsupported, I would be reading the riot act and preventing them from having their grandchild unattended again.

Your husband needs to understand the seriousness of this and back you up. Basic safety of an infant overrides the feelings of adults by a very long way.

Wtaf?!

You know you're not being unreasonable. I'd be fuming!

Who is the 1%..

It's a shame she wasn't caught by the police. That would have taught her a lesson. And hopefully a big fine.

You need to advocate for your child here. That's your number one job as their mum. Clearly, noone else will.

She would never again see my child unsupervised, and it would be a while before I let her see them at all.

Perhaps tell your DH about internal decapacitation. Because babies heads are so big and heavy they can essentially break their neck if involved in a car accident without the right support. Tell your MIL too.

It's not relevant if your MIL was pressued into it, as I assume this may always the case. The fact is that leaving your kids with your ILs (wondering why only MIL is getting blamed when FIL was also part of this clearly) isn't something you can do.

I'm normally quite measured about these things but if my MIL or anyone else for that matter held my 7 month old in a car for any length of time rather than in a car seat to b they would never be alone with my child again.
If you don't have a car seat then you either walk with the pram or don't go - it's quite simple.
Please stand your ground with them and particularly your DH who is clearly minimising this extremely poor judgement

OH argue she’s peer pressured into thing’s by FIL
''peer pressure' is a very strange way of saying his mother is in a controlling relationship. What else would he excuse? How bad will it get before he stands up for his child?

Dear god, is this for real?
I'm a Granny and have my grandson several days a week.. so we went out and bought car seats for my car as well as theirs, so that there was never a risk of not having the seat in place, ever.

Find your balls woman and tell them that the baby is NEVER going anywhere again unless they show you each time that they have strapped the baby in. In fact for now I'd not let them take him anywhere without you present because they may well just do it anyway.

As for your husband.. tell him to man up or get stuffed.