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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil took DS without car seat

346 replies

Cybermondayyay · 28/11/2022 11:21

Can I ask how would you feel if your MIL took out your 7 month old son out without a car seat?

OH argue she’s peer pressured into thing’s by FIL and always has been. Doesn’t want to bring it up to her as she’s very sensitive and will upset her!

OP posts:
WeepingSomnambulist · 28/11/2022 11:50

So she had 3 kids in the back with her? Do their parents know.

I'd read the riot act to the pair of them and inform them that he no longer get unsupervised access to my kid. That's the end of it. If my husband disagreed, he'd be out the door.

billy1966 · 28/11/2022 11:51

upfucked · 28/11/2022 11:38

I agree.

Show quote history

This.

It also would have me rethinking my relationship with the knowledge that his judgment is appalling and his mothers feelings are more important than my child.

OP, you also desperately need some assertiveness training if someone putting your child's life at risk is not enough for you to stand upnto someone.

Being able to advocate for your child is a very basic part of parenting.

Your baby would have been a rag doll thrown around the car and probably left brain damaged if they were even in a small crash.

Any A&E staff member could tell you that.

Totally illegal and unforgivable.

Original poster
Cybermondayyay · 28/11/2022 11:51

@EndlessRain she wasn’t holding them only DS, ignore me! in a very heated argument OH.

OH is so vocal about my family but when it comes to his it’s like bloody silence.

OP posts:
passport123 · 28/11/2022 11:51

If DH won't back you on this then I'd be considering the relationship....

SidTwaddell · 28/11/2022 11:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Lakeyloo · 28/11/2022 11:52

Apart from all of the awful things that could have happened (doesn't bear thinking about and thank goodness they didn't) ...It's illegal !

doodlejump1980 · 28/11/2022 11:53

@FictionalCharacter
my comment was in reply to @SkylightSkylight comment.

flai · 28/11/2022 11:53

EndlessRain · 28/11/2022 11:47

How was she holding 3 kids? How old were the others? Why did MIL have all these children with her? Where were you and your DH at the time?

In either case it's still a huge error of judgement and I still wouldn't trust DS in their care. Honestly I can't believe you don't want to address your son's safety due to fear of confrontation.....

and to PP, seatbelt for a 7 month old?!

Show quote history

What did it matter why MIL had the kids or where OP and her DH was? That’s nothing to do with what happened in the car. Grandparents often look after more than one of their grandchildren.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 28/11/2022 11:53

My grandson is 10 months. I have him one day a week at the moment. My car is a small two door Corsa, I can't fit him in the carseat in the back and I can't turn the airbag off in the front so I don't, ever, take him out in my car.

I'd never do what your in laws did.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 28/11/2022 11:53

Oh god, this is my absolute worst. I was in a car accident with my son (then 5).

He was properly strapped in, and we are physically disabled from the crash, but we're alive.

BUT, while in hospital, a family came in with their 10-ish year old. He was not wearing a seat belt. His parents in the front were. Their crash wasn't even too serious...more like a fender bender. Both parents not a scratch, but the son hit his head on the dashboard as he was flung from the back seat. A week later they had to turn his machines off. He didn't make it.

I want to scream at people that don't secure children properly.

Wiluli · 28/11/2022 11:54

Sorry but if they did this again I would be calling the police ! That’s reckless

SnackSizeRaisin · 28/11/2022 11:54

Police and social services are both potentially interested in this level of inadequate care. It's an extreme level of misjudgement. Even a minor bump could have killed your child. You need to have a serious conversation . I don't think I would allow any sole charge until much older as what other crazy things might they do? Leave him alone in a bath or with choking hazards? It's not worth the risk

PennywisePoundFoolish · 28/11/2022 11:54

I wouldn't leave any child with them again. Reason being it was "fine" this time, (as in no accident!) so next time there's some spontaneous plan, they will have a false sense of security about it.

Irishfarmer · 28/11/2022 11:55

I would be so pissed off!! Did she just have the baby on her lap?

Cherrytree77 · 28/11/2022 11:56

You know what is also upsetting? 7 month old babies flying through windowscreens.

You need to be having sharp fucking words with your DH.

Palmtree9 · 28/11/2022 11:57

Pressured by FIL or not, the pair of them would not be having either of my kids again for a long time.

whynotwhatknot · 28/11/2022 11:59

Ffs what is wrong with people just because in their day they didnt do it has no relevance to todays laws

your oh is a coward and i wouldnt let them have my child again alone

MeridianB · 28/11/2022 12:00

FictionalCharacter · 28/11/2022 11:37

If you mean she took him out in a car without a child car seat, that’s illegal, and for a good reason.
Your OH needs to start giving priority to his baby’s safety over not wanting to “upset” her.
I’d be tempted to “upset” her by showing her crash test dummy videos of unsecured babies and children. Even at low speeds the effect is shocking.

This.

Your DH cannot be serious? He's fine for a tiny baby to put at risk like this so his mother is not upset?

And he's standing by and watching his father bully his mother?

No more time alone for them with your baby. It's just not worth the risk of a repeat of this or something else. Their behaviour - all three of them including your DH - is really shocking.

PossiblyOverstepping · 28/11/2022 12:00

We’re the other kids your DC cousins? Maybe you could draft in other in laws to back you up? Basically BIL will always come before the grandchildren in that house so learn from that …

Spoodee · 28/11/2022 12:01

Interesting how your spouse is trying to use your father in law being a bully as an excuse, whilst bullying you into not saying anything about this...

Thesearmsofmine · 28/11/2022 12:02

Yeah they wouldn’t be having unsupervised access to my chid again and would be told why. That would be it, no budging.

Onestepforwards2back · 28/11/2022 12:02

Apoplectic and mil or fil would never have unsupervised time with any of my dc ever again.

ememem84 · 28/11/2022 12:03

and this is exactly why oil and his partner dont look after my kids. they think car seats are nonsense and i'm being overprotective.

Namechanger965 · 28/11/2022 12:05

They would never be looking after my child again. And if DH wasn’t on my side I wouldn’t trust him to take them there without me.

Nanny0gg · 28/11/2022 12:05

Was this childcare so you can work? If so, you have to find alternative provision

If it's just because she wanted time with the GC it doesn't happen again unless they have a car seat - provide one if necessary

But what else don't they do? Cut up grapes? Keep dangerous things out of reach? Have a stairgate?