Mil took DS without car seat

[Cybermondayyay]

Can I ask how would you feel if your MIL took out your 7 month old son out without a car seat?

OH argue she’s peer pressured into thing’s by FIL and always has been. Doesn’t want to bring it up to her as she’s very sensitive and will upset her!

OP wrote:

Other kids were cousins, but they are BIL kids and he was driving he is the same kind of person as FIL so no point discussing anything there.

@AutumnCrow it matters not if it was FIL, BIL or a bloody stranger, MIL decided to get in the car with the child on her knee so she is to blame. No one had a gun at her head.

Op I'd actually be very very tempted to tip the police off that he is driving his kids about without car seats.

But if you're going to do that say nothing more about it, just keep quiet. You don't want them to suspect you.

My pils took my older child without a car seat. Apparently it was alright because mil put him on some scatter cushions from her sofa and sat next to him to hold him in! That was the last time he was allowed to go round to their house without dh or I also being there. Mil wasn't happy - but tough!!

They are all to blame, as is your dh for refusing to back you on this. I'd be worried about what else your dh would let slide with regard to your dc's safety. And I'd be wondering why he cares more about his mother's feelings than he does about yours, or about his dc's safety.

He doesn't want to bring it up to her, but he HAS to or it'll happen again surely? They wouldnt be getting them again after that!

I would be upset,angry and would want an explanation and not sure if he trusting them for a while, if ever !!

From that page:

"Unexpected journeys
If the correct child car seat isn’t available, a child aged 3 or older can use an adult seat belt if the journey is all of the following:
unexpected
necessary
over a short distance

You can’t take children under 3 on an unexpected journey in a vehicle without the correct child car seat, unless both of the following apply:
it’s a licensed taxi or minicab
the child travels on a rear seat without a seat belt"

This is a child under 3 and the child was not in a licensed taxi or minicab.

I would be furious and would speak to both mil and fil together to tell them under no circumstances is that to ever happen again. They either follow your rules or don't have unsupervised access to their grandchild.

I know, I was replying to the poster above.

There is good reason why seat belts and child seats are compulsory in this country.

When travelling in a car, everything inside the car has momentum. When the car comes to an abrupt halt, everything in the car comes to an abrupt halt too (if restrained). For anything not strapped down - baby, dog, bag of shopping - their momentum continues to carry them forward and baby, dog or shopping becomes a missile inside the car. This momentum is too great for an adult's arms to restrain.

Your MIL might think she could hold onto the baby but she is wrong, she would not physically be able to. The baby would be flung forward, effectively wrenched out of her arms. Any older children not sitting in size-appropriate seats risk dreadful injuries resulting from seat belts crossing their bodies at inappropriate places.

Your in laws and DH should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves and need educating on this.

7 years maybe, in an emergency.

7MO no way unless it is literally life or death.

If this was a journey in a black cab it is fine but any normal car you are right to be concerned

So 3 children unrestrained in a car? Illegal. What a pity the police didn’t pull your FIL over.
No, I wouldn’t be letting either of them care for my child again. Absolute stupidity.

I really don't understand people sometimes. You read stories about women running into burning buildings to save their kids, or going under a car because they pushed their child out the way, or diving in to a pit of snakes to get their child out safely. That's the fierceness with which I love mine, I would do anything to protect them even to the point of no sanity. Yet so many British women seem to just accept unhealthy or unsafe things happening because they are terrified of what people might think of them.

She would never have care of my child again. 7 months? His neck could have been broken if the car breaked too hard, what a stupid woman.

Obviously it's bad by todays standards but in the 80's this was standard. Remember my younger sibling lying on back seat no seat belt etc or as a baby just in carry cot on back shelf. Doesn't make it right but still very rare to be in a car accident.

Also as someone has mentioned I often carried mine as babies unrestrained in black cabs a few years back. Also did this on holiday regularly.

I definitely need to find my voice in situations like this.

Yes you do. If you won't advocate for your baby who will?

I am constantly worried about what people will think of me.

Stop it. By the time I had DD, nothing would stop me from being her protector. Being a parent brings out the tiger in me and it should in you.

Grow a backbone.

This is so weird and slightly unbelievable, to be honest.

Surely, as a grandparent, MIL would have bought their own car seat to use when they care for your baby? I’m a grandparent and we always ensure we have age appropriate car seats for our DGC. Amongst my friends, I don’t know any granny that doesn’t have their own car seat for when they have DGC.

Even those with DGC abroad still borrow an age suitable car seat whenever they visit.

You have to wonder if they are actually scared of their husbands and their husbands' fathers.

However, the next time I see MIL I would say this: I was made aware that my baby was taken in a car without a car seat. Unfortunately my trust has been broken and going forward, my children will not be visiting you without myself or my husband present. I’d say it calmly and gently because honestly, as raging as I would be, my experience is that it’s often the quietly spoken word with little explanation that’s the most effective. Would you really?

The baby is 7mths this is the first time granny has baby sat. Seems logical that Granny would expect the baby to come with a seat. Why purchase a seat for very very occasional use?

What's more surprising is the other children don't have seats in their own Dads car, I almost find that unbelievable. But if that is true I'd have no qualms about calling the police, nice wee easy catch for them

People can be very annoying about car seats. When my niece was a baby the parents didn't have a car and were constantly wanting lifts without a car seat. I did a couple of local unexpected journeys but drew the line at a planned trip involving motorway driving. More recently they have been wanting lifts again and now I have car seats in my car for my own children but they don't want her to use them! Last time my husband took one out so she had no seat even though there was a correct sized seat available. She is 4 now so it's not as critical but I don't see why the fact that a 4 year old doesn't want to sit in a seat because she thinks it's babyish should be the deciding factor. She's quite a small 4 year old and the seat goes up to 25kg. Yet when I put my foot down I am the unreasonable one. She has a booster in her parents car. In the front

THEY ARE ALL TO BLAME.

FFS. I'd be furious with the lot of them, but I still don't understand why nearly everyone is focusing only on the MIL.