Mil took DS without car seat

[Cybermondayyay]

Can I ask how would you feel if your MIL took out your 7 month old son out without a car seat?

OH argue she’s peer pressured into thing’s by FIL and always has been. Doesn’t want to bring it up to her as she’s very sensitive and will upset her!

Not a fucking chance that these people would ever, ever be allowed to look after my baby without me there ever again.

Your baby s safety is worth more than her feelings and FILS need to control. Do not leave your child alone with them and make it clear if they pull another stunt like that again you'll inform police\ children's services.

So does that mean bil's dc had carseats/ booters, as they where in bil's car, so the only child they were willing to put at risk was your son?

I would be furious either way.
If it was a regular thing bil did with his own kids though, I would be reporting him.

OP, this must have been very scary for you! My heart goes out to you because it was totally out of your control. I also appreciate that your MIL is a nice woman and there were no bad intentions on her part.

However, the next time I see MIL I would say this: I was made aware that my baby was taken in a car without a car seat. Unfortunately my trust has been broken and going forward, my children will not be visiting you without myself or my husband present. I’d say it calmly and gently because honestly, as raging as I would be, my experience is that it’s often the quietly spoken word with little explanation that’s the most effective.

And OP, i would mean every word. None of my children would be in her care again. But I would continue to show her kindness. She’ll get the message and she’ll regret it for the rest of her days no doubt. But she was left as the carer. And she messed up. It’s on her.

Giving them sweets feeding them the wrong foods etc all fine and nothing to be moaning about but this would be a no for me. The only time I have ever seen my husband stand up to his father was over a car seat issue like this.

I'd be demonstrating to them just how dangerous it is to travel in a car unsecured by launching them through the f**king windscreen

That would be the last time they had my child without supervision

Would your OH not want yo upset her if your child was killed in a crash??

Your problem is your OH and its not OK to point the blame at FIL because your MIL is a fuckin idiot.

Why is this thread titled 'Mil took DS without car seat'? Do FIL and BIL get away scott-free? Especially since it seems that FIL is the decision maker around it?

How old are the other children in the car?
Two large car seats in the back of the car would leave not much space for MIL and baby in the middle.
Did the other children have car seats?

They're all to blame, however you've a DH problem. (as well as an in-law one). You need to make it clear this cannot happen again. I agree with what others have said, giving them sweets, sweet cereals they might not get as home is one thing. But this is child safety and completely irreversible if they were to get into an accident.

She would never be left alone with my child again.

7 months and no car seat!! How did DC travel? On her lap? Front or back seat? Does she realise that her actions are illegal?

This would really make me mad

I've had this twice. On one occasion my ex plonked the carry cot in the backseat and actually thought he could just drive off like that. Another time MIL was dropping DC back and aparently couldn't work out how to attach the car seat so decided to just balance DC on the seat with none of it actually attached to the car! Was horrified!

Please advocate for your baby.

So how did you find out about what had actually happened, @Cybermondayyay? Did they simply tell you, like it was a lovely thing they did?

Ok obviously YANBU.....
However - how old are your ILs and how much experience with young children and the laws of this country do they have? My eldest is now 15 but when they were born my DF commented "when you were born, we just carried you on the back seats of the car" and my in-laws frequently remarked how crazy and OTT things are nowadays..... They soon learnt! Maybe you just need to educate them that things have moved on from when they had children? Perhaps they don't realise how dangerous they are being?

I thought we're going to say he was 9 years not 7 months. Read her the riot act.

While I'm not saying that this is acceptable, it is NOT illegal. When a child can travel without a car seat, under 'unexpected journeys'. It sounds as if your DS was in the back without a belt, as the law requires. There would be a very good argument that this was an unexpected journey if you didn't leave a seat, which presumably you would have if you'd expected them to travel.

FIL was the driver. Why is MIL more to blame than him?

They were all incredibly stupid and reckless, but he was the one who was ultimately responsible, both in law as the driver, and in his refusal to accept MIL staying home with the baby.

They were going to dinner, not A&E.

I would ring the non emergency police line to see their take on it. I would never let them have my child again as you simply can not trust them to put your child's safety first. I honestly would be raging and wouldn't give a damn what they thought of me, they'd be hearing exactly what I thought of them.

A meal out is not an unexpected journey. An emergency trip to a hospital with someone else, might be considered so. The law allows for crises to happen where there's no alternative to taking a child with you when you don't have a car seat.

Jesus fucking Christ, in the CAR???????

@saraclara I do stand corrected. After reading a the posts I now see FIL was the driver. But as MIL is a fully functioning adult with a tongue in her head she could still have refused so yes she is an idiot for doing it.

@Cybermondayyay Hang on, BIL doesn't use a car seat for HIS kids either? WTAF????

Are you 100000% certain that your DH secures your child in the car when you're not there????