Mil took DS without car seat

[Cybermondayyay]

Can I ask how would you feel if your MIL took out your 7 month old son out without a car seat?

OH argue she’s peer pressured into thing’s by FIL and always has been. Doesn’t want to bring it up to her as she’s very sensitive and will upset her!

were they going to have dinner out somehow holding the baby and with two other children? How old are the other two?

I wouldn’t leave them with any of them ever again, and I would tell them precisely why.

“You took my child out in the car without a car seat. This could have injured or killed then. It’s completely unacceptable and I won’t be leaving my children with you unattended ever again.”

The family politics is secondary to your child’s safety.

Kindly meant OP but you sound much like your MIL.

Bullied and silence by an awful man that would risk the life of his child rather than say anything to his family.

Unbelievable.

He's bullied into silence by his family, bullies you, and yet has lots to say about YOUR family.

Common theme in men like that.

They choose women who will accept being bullied, as a partner, won't say boo to their own families, whilst being critical of the family of their partner.

He's just a bully like his father. A bully.

You unfortunately are like his mother, Bullied.

Your poor babys life put at risk.

What a shower you married into.

Contact Women's aid for a chat.

They might help you see the wood for the trees.

I think I’m right in saying that the driver is legally responsible for children ( under 13?) and their seat belts, carseats, positioning in the car.

Either buy them a seat or leave yours when you leave your child - and say no seat, no car travel, no further discussion.

She would never EVER be allowed to take any children out again. I hope your DH read her the riot act.

Not ok unless it was an emergency situation (Read gov.uk about times when having a child without car seat is legally ok).

I personally hate it, but my DH is a bit more lenient. The only time I would ever allow it is if someone called for my permission first and the situation warranted it. Otherwise I would collect DC myself. My childminder did this once and I was furious!

7 months?! Omg I feel sick just thinking about it!

Op you clearly can't trust them. Any of them MIL, FIL or BIL simple don't allow them to look after your kids.

I can be lax when it comes to car seats and I accept sometimes travel without them is the best answer (taxis / Emergency appointments)

But going to a restaurant is neither essential or emergency.

Not only is it illegal, it is also extremely dangerous and they ate all very lucky that there was not any kind of accident. Even with an emergency stop it could have been fatal for more than one occupant of the car.

Your in laws had options. They could have gone on the bus, had him strapped in the buggy and used a black cab, called you for the carseat, asked a neighbour to borrow a carseat for a few hours, or not go. Instead they hose to put their grandson's life on the line and unfortunately they would have broken any trust I had with them. I wouldn't just be having this conversation with MIL but with all of them and never letting them care for my son again.

Also if BIL is letting his children travel without carseats and they are under 12 or under 135cm then I would inform their mother, and if she doesn't care either then I'd be tempted to report them for child endangerment.

Would you rather be a) crap at confrontation or b) a bereaved parent?

Sounds dramatic but they took a crazy risk with your baby and there will never be a better time to address your dislike of confronting. Do not let your DH minimise this.

I clicked on this thinking oh it will be for a 7 year old, it's just a one off...but 7 MONTHS? That is extraordinary. I would reserve your anger for the BIL and FIL. MIL needs to know its not acceptable.

The mere thought of someone taking my 2 year old DS out in the car without a car seat is horrifying. Mil would not be having my child again if that happened here.

Yes, totally wrong and you have every right to be furious, but why blame the woman when all three adults had a role to play in what happened and it was the male driver who was ultimately responsible for ensuring that all of the passengers were appropriately restrained in his vehicle?

What’s more important to you, what people think of you or your baby’s safety?

Stop hiding behind not wanting to upset people/rock the boat. It’s nice that you don’t want to upset anyone but your job is to stand up for your baby and make sure they’re safe… even if it causes arguments.

Its pretty bad that you expect this sort of thing from fil, so you're not blaming him. You leave your kid where you know he has control and expect him to behave badly but dont really blame him.
You place most of the blame on the woman. Why is that?

At that age, absolutely not!

The brother of a friend of mine was seriously injured in a car accident. He didnt have an age appropriate seat and was strapped in with an adults seat belt. The car did somersaults and he slipped out from under the seat belt and went out of the car through the back window and hit his head on the tarmac. He was in intensive care for weeks and nearly didn´t make it. YOur husband and his family are idiots.

If someone hit shunted BIL car at the back your baby would be MIL’s cushion and baby would be dead.
She also may let him go as her as arms fly forward and baby should smash on to the seat in front.
A 5mph shunt from behind could kill your baby.

All this chatter about the Op giving over her car seat is irrelevant. There were two children, one baby and one adult on the backseat. Even with the car seat, that's still one person (child or adult) not belted in properly at the back.

You said you are worried about what people think of you, OP, I think it's disgraceful that you seem to care more about that than getting some bloody fire in your belly and giving them what for. If you can't fight for your baby now, when can you?

I would be absolutely fucking furious with everyone involved and DH.

I’d never let them have him ever again. There are no second chances. No point upsetting her and having a big argument just next time she asks say no.

Sorry wait... whaaaat?! 7 month old baby without a car seat - totally unacceptable, never mind illegal. I would be RAGING at them.

HOWEVER... your FIL should bear the responsibility here if he was the driver. Your DH is making a case to spare your MILs feelings. But actually it's FIL who should get an earful. As the driver he was legally responsible. If I were you I'd send him a written communication (email, text) saying that they are never to take your baby in a car without a car seat. Or else baby will never be left unsupervised with them again. End of. You will supply a car seat to be kept at their house.

Come to think of it... if he shrugs you off, could you report your FIL to the police? That'll give him a fright.

You’re right OP, you a absolutely do need to find your voice on this.

there’s so many levels or wrong in this situation but the blatant risk they put him at is unacceptable and IMO unforgivable.

you are your child’s voice, use it to protect them.

Oh bloody hell! I misread and thought OP said 7 years too, until I got to this comment. I was (pleasantly) surprised by everyone's strong feelings about car seats 🤣

But 7 months!!! Jesus. I would very much not be letting her have my child unsupervised ever again. Tbh I'm not sure I'd want to see her at all for a long time either.

This.

Her BIL was driving.