To be embarrassed only 30 of 80+ guests turned up to my birthday party

[Muddleofpud]

Just that really, had a party this weekend, 80+ guests confirmed, only about 30 turned up. Feel embarrassed and let down. Help me get over the cringe 😩

The smallest wedding I’ve been to post lockdown was 150, pre-lockdown was 300. The average sized wedding in my community tends to be 400.

An average party at someone’s house is 50 guests and in a venue 100+.

You have been to a lot of small or medium sized parties and events. My birthday party is between 60-80 people. Even for non-milestones. We love throwing a party and go all out.

Happy birthday!!! It's pretty shitty of people telling you they'd be there then not showing up.

I always think some people think that 'making up the numbers' is other peoples job and they won't be missed as long as all the others show up, but when loads of people think like that....

Anyway, I'm sure you had the bestest ones at your party.

If you want to know who your true friends are 'throw a party'! My OH had a 40th party and there were a fair few no shows. They are no longer in their lives.

That's crap op. Even if they sent a text to apologise it's still rubbish. If you've committed to something then in my view you go unless there's a genuine r emergency or proper illness - not just dancing a night in!

But happy birthday - hope the 30 that turned up made it a good night for you.

I can’t stand the big birthday party expectation for a ‘big’ birthday. Honestly OP this happens to DPany people!

I went to a 30th, friend hired a wine bar, so many no shows it was embarrassingly empty. Friend was calling people at 10pm asking them if they were still coming, bordering on begging them still to come!

I honestly think people drop out thinking it won’t make a difference everyone else will still go so them dropping out won’t be noticed.

Ive only ever been to one big birthday party that was a huge success. It was a friends 30th, he had 3 brothers, they were all exceptionally close to each other, all still lived where they grew up, all friends with each others friends so had a massive circle of friends along with a big family.

Bloody auto correct! That should’ve read this happens to SO many people!

I know this isn't the point but if I had 30 friends turning up to my party I'd be beyond thrilled. I don't think I even know 30 people never mind friends

i find it really rude to accept an invitation to a catered event and then not show up (especially without sending an apology). Very bad manners. It is they who should be embarrassed- but they won’t be, sadly.

Who made you the post police @tirednewmumm ? That’s incredibly patronising of you to write that they “didn’t offer advice or comment and only mused about themselves” when the poster came on and wished the OP happy birthday!

anyway happy birthday Op
I hope you still had a good eve despite the rudeness of those who RSVPD saying they’d go yet didn’t turn up without any explanation.

I think it must be quite common reading these stories as similar happened to a friend on her big birthday last month and she’d booked a room at a pub along with catering which mostly went to waste

Have you had any texts apologising @Muddleofpud ?

I’d want to no and would be contacting at least a fair few of them. You expect a fair few no shows,shit happens but even then it’s often communicated.but 50 is awful.
were the 50 close as the 30 that came,at all expected?

You should not be embarrassed. Various reasons why people say they are coming and don't.

Now you have an idea of who your real friends are. A real friend if they changed their mind or were unwell would let you know, even if on the day.

Apparently according to my relative in the US, happens a lot, or people not replying and turning up. An aspect of US culture we don't want in the UK if commonplace.

I might feel a bit sad but I’d in no way feel embarrassed!

Lots of people are busy around this time of the year and your guests wouldn’t have known how many were invited.

I’d much rather go to a party with space and lots of food, then one that is cramped and claustrophobic.

Happy birthday op. I have learned the hard way that most people just don't bother. They don't think people's events are important. I don't think it's down to covid either, this has been happening in my world since the 90s. I think 30 is a good turnout though! Hope you had a great time despite the flakers.

Did anyone text with excuses, and did people seem keen up until the day?

First I’d like to say a big Happy Birthday!
That’s a great number and lots of people to celebrate with, I hope you have an absolutely smashing time with them all.
please don’t feel embarrassed, I had an “big” birthday and I only invited 6 people (all family members) as I don’t really have any friends, the only person who came was my sibling, it was disappointing but we really enjoyed our night out in the end.

Happy birthday OP. Like PP have said, I think it’s the pandemic. It’s made people antisocial and flakey. Drives me nuts. I’m glad you still had a lovely time, it’s no reflection on you whatsoever.

Happy 50th! 🎉 30 is a great turnout! I don't even know 30 people haha! Enjoy the day and I'm sure many people will feel bad about not being there and make it up to you later 🙂

If they confirmed and didn't turn up see who gets in touch to apologise and has a plausible reason for not turning up (e.g. sudden illness, babysitter let them down etc). I would cross those who don't bother to contact you off your friendship list! I think it pretty rude to confirm attendance at a party then fail to show up without a good reason and an apology. You are not a nightclub they can just drop into if they feel like it on the day but it looks like some people have treated you like that. I am sad for you that your special birthday wasn't the big event you had hoped for but as others have already said, cherish the 30 who turned up as they are your real friends (plus any who had a good excuse!)

You see it on here all the time though don’t you? Somebody posts asking AIBU to not go to an event because I’ve had a long day at work/it’s cold/I’m tired/I’ve got to get up and take the kids to blah blah and it seems like the majority of posters tell them YANBU, you’re friend will understand if they’re a good friend, put your feet up, nobody will miss one person blah blah. Problem is everyone is tired at the end of the week, everyone has the same weather, everyone has stuff they need to be doing so before you know it people like the OP end up in this situation. I sometimes wonder if some of the people who post on here about being left out of events/not having friends have done this one too many times in the past and people have got frustrated.

Sometimes you just have to put yourself out for other people. I went to a party last weekend. I’m having some tiring medical treatment, I was volunteering at an event so wouldn’t get there until late. I really, really didn’t want to go by the time it came round but I’d told the host I’d be stopping by and I value his friendship. Did I have the most amazing time? No. I was tired. Did it mean a lot to my friend (who had already had people no-show without notice)? Yes. I didn’t stay too long, had a glass of fizz, dropped off a present, a couple of rounds of a game and a catch up. Was probably in bed only about 2 hours or so after I would have been if I’d gone straight home but it was totally worth it to do something nice for a friend. Sometimes we need to put ourselves out for those we care about and (hopefully) they’ll do the same for us.

I hope you still had a good party OP and happy birthday. As others have said, at least you now know who to put yourself out for in the future.

I think it is really rude of people not to show up. I would have to be on my death bed not to attend a birthday party I had said I was going to. Its hurtful to the host not to show.

Sometimes you just have to put yourself out for other people. I went to a party last weekend. I’m having some tiring medical treatment, I was volunteering at an event so wouldn’t get there until late. I really, really didn’t want to go by the time it came round but I’d told the host I’d be stopping by and I value his friendship. Did I have the most amazing time? No. I was tired. Did it mean a lot to my friend (who had already had people no-show without notice)? Yes. I didn’t stay too long, had a glass of fizz, dropped off a present, a couple of rounds of a game and a catch up. Was probably in bed only about 2 hours or so after I would have been if I’d gone straight home but it was totally worth it to do something nice for a friend. Sometimes we need to put ourselves out for those we care about and (hopefully) they’ll do the same for us

100% agree with all of this.

Also please don’t be embarrassed - you’ve done nothing wrong. You invited people to a party, they said yes, you catered/planned appropriately. They’re the ones who should be embarrassed and cringing for letting you down.

Happy birthday OP

Covid has made people very flaky, especially when it's not great weather outside.

I've given up trying to arrange a class Xmas drinks as no one seems to be arsed. Feel a little bit embarrassed so I can see where you are coming from. It's hard not to take it personally.

Probably everyone assumed that you are so popular the place will be jammed and their absence won't be noticed!

Although 30 people is a decent number it is annoying and disappointing when you were expecting double that. For a start the (more limited) choice of venue is probably more expensive than one that could hold 30 as well as catering costs for people who don't turn up.