To not stop DD playing her French Horn just because it annoys my neighbour

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

Disclaimer: There was no one more unhappy than me when, last year after DD got to pick an instrument to play at school, she picked the bloody French Horn and not something more reasonable 😂 but sometimes life throws us a child with a penchant for annoying instruments

Anyway. 9yo DD plays French horn. I spend a small fortune keeping her in peripatetic 1-2-1 lessons because she’s good. She’s got a concert in the local cathedral next month and is playing 2 Christmas songs as part of a brass group and one solo. She’s bricking it bless her. We live in an end terrace. Her room is the one at the end side of the end (ie furthest away from neighbours) so she practises in there. 30 minutes after school and then an hour on Saturdays and Sundays. Wouldn’t usually practise so much but this concert means a lot to her and she wants to do well

Anyway she was playing at 1pm today for an hour and the neighbour came banging on the door. Said he’s sick of it, it’s every day and disturbing his lie-in! I said sorry but she’s got a concert to practice for it won’t be forever. He then moaned because when we first moved in we asked him to stop playing his music at full blast (Taylor swift mainly, as if life isn’t hard enough). But he was playing it from 5pm-9pm, in his bedroom which shares a wall with my 5yo! Which he has done again tonight.

it can’t be that loud, it can barely be heard from the far room (DS’s). But WIBU to carry on as normal? It’s not unsociable hours, and it’s only for another 2 weeks.

If it really is only in the middle of the day, YANBU.

I thought that was something to do with sounding your horn. Car, not French!

If you're dismissive to him as you are to the many posters who are saying YABU here, no wonder he's annoyed. Get a mute FFS.

Your neighbour was reasonable when you asked him to stop blasting his music at 9pm even though it is definitely not "late at night" as you keep saying. He has now said the French horn at 1pm at week ends is disturbing his sleep, so the reasonable thing to do would be to ask him what time he would find more reasonable and move the practice time to that.

You can get something called a silent mute, it has earphones and doesn't affect breathing/ tone production

Just buy a practice mute. Quieter for your neighbour and may also improve her embouchure in the long run.

You have my sympathies as we have a similar noise situation where we live. We are a musical family (brass, drums, piano) and I went to great lengths to make sure practice only took place when we could see the neighbours car wasn't there. However the first summer we lived there he blasted an amped up electric guitar out of his conservatory window most weeknights until around 10-11pm. Weekends it was just obnoxious rock music until much later. My children's bedrooms run alongside his conservatory and could be heard even with all windows shut. So we stopped being considerate in when we practice. I have been known to ask my husband to play the tuba early in the morning when he's been particularly thoughtless.

Why don't you just speak to your neighbour and say I'm sorry I didn't realise you were still in bed at 1 pm. When is a good time for her to practice?

Maybe he has a night job and sleeps during the day? I would be saying she needs to practise for a concert but ask him what times would suit him better as a compromise.
Although unfort I don’t think 5-9pm music while annoying is technically ok. I think you might have lost out now as it’s unlikely he will stop that again. It’s not his issue your child is 5.

Sorry I think 5-9pm is annoying but technically ok!

You keep on about the 9pm Music from him but from your OP that was the time he was turning it off not starting. He is totally entitled to play music in his home during the evening, you were lucky he stopped and I can totally see why he’s started again now.

I think neither of you are wrong for making the noise but you’re both wrong for complaining about the other, you both need to live with it.

Weekends fine but as someone who now has to work from home no it's not OK on weekdays. If I'm on a call and there's a fucking horn blasting over me it disturbs recording and is incredibly embarrassing.

She can play on weekends or after 7pm.

Reading this reminds me of an ex NDN of mine. He used to come home from work, he often didn’t get home until midnight. He would play the electric guitar and sing to wind down. He was chatting to me outside one day and said how relaxing he found his guitar playing. I can’t remember what his favourite song was to ‘perform’ but I smiled sweetly and said I now knew all the words to it. He never played the guitar late at night again.

You complained about his music first? Music is one thing, a bloody French horn would be infuriating. I don’t think you have a leg to stand on - you might think his music playing was at an unreadable time due to your life style. He thinks the horn playing is at an unreasonable time due to his life style. You aren’t going to see eye to eye here….

i can cope with music but I’d be gutted if one of the neighbours kids took up a musical instrument when we share walls 😫

I work from home. My neighbour practises the saxophone every day. I just changed met teams settings so only I can hear it.

Working from home shouldn’t mean your neighbours have to pretend they live in an office.

Oh come on! Blasting Taylor Swift for hours, everyday, late in the evening is super antisocial. And I say that as someone who enjoys her music.

Practicing an instrument for an hour a day during the day time is just something you have to put up with.

If you give him this, OP, he will ask for more and more and more.

Yes, I suggest she practises for 4 hours non-stop, facing the party wall in your ds’s bedroom. Then report back on the reaction from next door 🤣.

It doesn’t matter, it’s annoying him all the same

Tell her to crack on. Normal hours, normal duration, he'll get absolutely nowhere if he complains to anyone. Learning music is great for children and its good she actually wants to practice.

Taylor Swift is alright by the way. Its not her that claims to be a musical genius, that's her fans. In the words of one my own teachers, "She writes simple, effective pop music and she does it very well."

Ps so as not to be drowned out by Taylor Swift, do it from 7am-11am.

The French horn is pretty loud. My brother played one, and he was pretty good. I was sent on an errand to a shop about 400 metres away. As I came out of the shop, I realized I could hear him playing - it was a summer day, the window was open.

If practicr at 1 pm bothers him, isn't the answer to move it to 3 pm?

I'll send my DS round with his euphonium* for a couple of hours. That'll teach him to complain about a French Horn.

*Greek for 'pleasant sound'.

Our neighbour’s daughter used to play a similar instrument, we thought it was charming, she used to play the Eastenders theme!

I think I’ve found a solution that will please everyone! Can your DD get some Taylor Swift sheet music and practice that instead?

By all means tell her to crack on but be prepared for him going back to playing Taylor swift till even later in the evening against your 5yos wall.