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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not stop DD playing her French Horn just because it annoys my neighbour

319 replies

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 27/11/2022 00:07

Disclaimer: There was no one more unhappy than me when, last year after DD got to pick an instrument to play at school, she picked the bloody French Horn and not something more reasonable 😂 but sometimes life throws us a child with a penchant for annoying instruments

Anyway. 9yo DD plays French horn. I spend a small fortune keeping her in peripatetic 1-2-1 lessons because she’s good. She’s got a concert in the local cathedral next month and is playing 2 Christmas songs as part of a brass group and one solo. She’s bricking it bless her. We live in an end terrace. Her room is the one at the end side of the end (ie furthest away from neighbours) so she practises in there. 30 minutes after school and then an hour on Saturdays and Sundays. Wouldn’t usually practise so much but this concert means a lot to her and she wants to do well

Anyway she was playing at 1pm today for an hour and the neighbour came banging on the door. Said he’s sick of it, it’s every day and disturbing his lie-in! I said sorry but she’s got a concert to practice for it won’t be forever. He then moaned because when we first moved in we asked him to stop playing his music at full blast (Taylor swift mainly, as if life isn’t hard enough). But he was playing it from 5pm-9pm, in his bedroom which shares a wall with my 5yo! Which he has done again tonight.

it can’t be that loud, it can barely be heard from the far room (DS’s). But WIBU to carry on as normal? It’s not unsociable hours, and it’s only for another 2 weeks.

OP posts:
Roundandnour · 27/11/2022 02:44

How noise travels doesn't always make sense.

I can have my tv on in my room and don't hear it from the bedrooms of even on the stairs. Go into the kitchen and would think the tv is in there. And no My room isn't above the kitchen.

A neighbour beneath me was convinced I had a dog. Was my next door neighbour, I could only hear it from the bathroom but downstairs neighbour from every room.

cynicbuthappy · 27/11/2022 03:03

Been away for a while but two things:

  1. Practicing for an hour a day is perfectly acceptable as long as it is within reasonable hours. It’s not pleasant, but part of living close together.
  2. A thread about French horn playing getting so much feedback is awesome.

Supporting a child to improve their life by playing music is so important. I was so fortunate that when I did practice at home ( in a terraced house) that the neighbours never complained.

silentpool · 27/11/2022 03:08

She can practice to her heart's content if she mutes it. Listening to that would drive me nuts and I'm not noise sensitive.

Toddlerteaplease · 27/11/2022 03:10

@Giggorata the only reason I eas easing this thread was to see how long it took for someone to mention that song. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Honper · 27/11/2022 03:34

Really she's not playing very much at all but I'm afraid you blew it with him when you complained about him making noise at a similar (ie before night) time. Obviously Taylor Swift is annoying but you lost goodwill when you did that and now he's mad at you. Sucks.

Aprilx · 27/11/2022 03:50

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 27/11/2022 00:37

It was because when I put my DS to bed at 8pm Taylor Swift was blasting out so loud it sounded like it was on in his room. I don’t think that’s ok when you have a shared wall

Show quote history

Why are your reasons for not wanting noise valid but his reasons don’t count. The world doesn’t revolve around your children believe it or not. I think you have got an absolute cheek.

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/11/2022 04:15

Ignoring the twattiness from various others..

Getting her to try a mute from her music teacher is a good idea but yes, standard mutes will affect how she creates the notes that rely on pressure rather than keys.

There is this... but its not cheap www.sshhmute.com/products/french-horn which is designed to mute without affecting mouthpiece pressure...

I'd get her to practice all round the house at all the respectable hours of the day, because she needs to get used to the acoustics... but I am a petty arsehole. And a drummer... so used to noise complaints.

Original poster
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 27/11/2022 04:48

Roundandnour · 27/11/2022 02:44

How noise travels doesn't always make sense.

I can have my tv on in my room and don't hear it from the bedrooms of even on the stairs. Go into the kitchen and would think the tv is in there. And no My room isn't above the kitchen.

A neighbour beneath me was convinced I had a dog. Was my next door neighbour, I could only hear it from the bathroom but downstairs neighbour from every room.

It when his house is a whole wall and 3 rooms away that’s not going to be louder than a room in our actual house which is 2 rooms away

OP posts:
Original poster
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 27/11/2022 04:49

Aprilx · 27/11/2022 03:50

Why are your reasons for not wanting noise valid but his reasons don’t count. The world doesn’t revolve around your children believe it or not. I think you have got an absolute cheek.

Show quote history

Because my DD isn’t playing next to his bedroom wall late at night. Can’t believe people can’t see the difference!

OP posts:
Fomn · 27/11/2022 04:50

"It can’t be that loud, it can barely be heard from the far room (DS’s). But WIBU to carry on as normal? It’s not unsociable hours to me, and it’s only for another 2 weeks."

Fixed your op for you.

Yab-massively-u to expect him to take your lifestyle into account when making noise but not do the same for him. Have a conversation with him to work out a schedule that would cause him the least disruption. Just as the time he was playing his music would not be unsociable to most people, but was to you, 1pm might not be a time you'd be in bed but clearly it is for him and having your sleep disturbed is miserable.

And yes do what the pp said and take him round a box of chocs/ bottle of wine to the noise

Conkersareback · 27/11/2022 05:08

prawncocktailwithdill · 27/11/2022 01:08

You've got to be pretty miserable to resent a child practicing their instrument in the middle of the day @MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard

Exactly!

Your neighbour is very mean spirited. I'd tell him to go to the council and make a complaint, not sure he'd get far.

Well done to your daughter, hope the concert goes well.

Maybe buy grumpy NDN a ticket for it?

Bogofftosomewherehot · 27/11/2022 05:09

What's the point of asking "AIBU" if you're so stuck in your view that you're a bit rude and sarcastic to those that have an opposing view?

I tolerate my neighbours drum playing but then if he complained that I was playing music I'd think "CF!!". It's probably you're entitled attitude and lack of flexibility more that your daughters practicing that's pissed him off.
You might find that he starts blasting TS when your daughter is practicing - then what?

chella2 · 27/11/2022 05:21

I can understand why he would find loud horn playing (particularly a new player practising) annoying.

I can understand why you would find loud music playing annoying.

You live in a terrace. You all need to be considerate.

He has made adjustments to annoy you less.

I think you should look into what adjustments you could make to annoy him less. Even if it is less convenient for you than the current set up.

On a moral level, I believe this is the right thing to do. On a practical level, you may find he goes back to annoying you more again, if you are not willing to make adjustments too.

MadelineUsher · 27/11/2022 05:21

Because my DD isn’t playing next to his bedroom wall late at night. Can’t believe people can’t see the difference!

Oh, it's you. You're always completely unreasonable and convinced you are perfectly reasonable!

I'm on his side. She should practice in a soundproofed music room, not a terrace house.

Dolphinnoises · 27/11/2022 05:26

Of course it’s unreasonable to blast Taylor Swift next to a 5 year old’s bedroom at 9pm. But by the same token if he does like to sleep in until 1pm on a Sunday, that’s something to take into account too.

i would say the most stressful part of noise pollution is the lack of control over it and the unexpected nature of it. Can you talk to the neighbour and agree when practice will be? ie every weekday for an hour at some point between 5pm and 7pm and on weekends at 3pm - 5pm? As you say, it’s for a fortnight that it’s this full-on, but this is an ongoing commitment and there will be other concerts…

TugboatAnnie · 27/11/2022 05:50

How do you know he was playing his music up against your wall? It might sound like it to you but it could have been further away. Likewise to him the horn playing might sound like it's against his wall. Acoustics are weird.

I think it's quite neighbourly to let others know a rough schedule after they've complained, then they realise it's not 'all day every day' or 'just when I'm just about to have a nap' etc.

ShandaLear · 27/11/2022 06:05

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 27/11/2022 00:42

But I’m saying it’s not the same - it’s not less important just because the neighbour doesn’t give a shit. It’s a necessity to us, it’s not a necessity to him. And for his song playing it was more the unsociable hours I was bothered aboit

Show quote history

But it is exactly the same. He doesn’t care about your DD’s concert and why should he? The sound of someone practicing the French horn is bloody awful (my friend played it and my sister played the trumpet. They were painful to listen to, especially during the first year or two). The purpose of the noise is irrelevant. Her right to practice for a concert is not more important than his right to enjoy a bit of Taylor Swift in the evening.

The point is that both of you have been making noise that is irritating to the other person. Playing music between 5pm and 9pm is not unreasonable and he paid you a courtesy by stopping playing when your son went to bed. It might be worth going round and having a civilised chat with him so you can reach some sort of agreement. Noise can be a lot easier to bear if you know when it will happen. At least that way he can plan to be out or put headphones on.

I agree that the muffler is a good idea - even to use sometimes. Good luck to your daughter for her concert.

Whoneedsleep · 27/11/2022 06:05

I’m torn on this one. My NDN occasionally plays some sort of trumpet sounding thing. I dread him getting it out, for some reason it’s the only noise we hear from
next door so I’ve never said anything and probably never would (just roll my eyes a lot) but I hate it!

It’s so invasive and repetitive and he’s crap so it’s even worse. He plays the same note over and over and I just want to shout get on with it ffs. I would much rather hear the TV! At least it’s not daily…

GreyGoose1980 · 27/11/2022 06:22

I had sympathy for your original OP as I know what it can be like to have noise preventing a young DD sleeping and 7-9 bis key bedtime hours. However the tone of your subsequent posts is a bit entitled. You don’t seem to respect the fact your neighbour wishes for quiet on a Sunday and seem to think his choice of music impacts the issue.

FurAndFeathers · 27/11/2022 06:28

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 27/11/2022 00:42

But I’m saying it’s not the same - it’s not less important just because the neighbour doesn’t give a shit. It’s a necessity to us, it’s not a necessity to him. And for his song playing it was more the unsociable hours I was bothered aboit

Show quote history

Have you asked him which hours would suit him better? Eg can she play at 4pm at weekends?

RoachPussy · 27/11/2022 06:37

You could ask your neighbour what time would be more convenient for them? There may be a compromise. I can see both sides from when my DD was practicing her saxophone. I was pleased that she was practicing and improving, no complaints from neighbours but if I never have to hear Danny Boy again I’ll die happy.

adriftabroad · 27/11/2022 06:37

nocoolnamesleft · 27/11/2022 00:35

The hours your DD are practicing sound reasonable. Unfortunately, so were the hours at which he was playing music. I think you really shot yourself in the foot by complaining about him.

yep. it is going to be like this from now on. His music taste is his business. You sound patronising and entitled.

TBH you sound unreasonable, not him. I had to move because my neighbour practised over and over the same tunes. You didn[t know when it would start or stop but every day was torture. Absolute torture (and I am musical and neighbour was a professional musician, so very good)

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 27/11/2022 06:40

Giggorata · 27/11/2022 00:21

My first thought also 😂

OodieBoogie · 27/11/2022 06:46

ruthgordon123 · 27/11/2022 01:15

I suspect a french horn can be quite loud, unless a tiny girl is playing it. Just tell them to sod off.

My mate's 9yo plays the French horn, she's the same size as me (not a "tiny girl").

Sound proof her room? Or get her a practice shed? She's not going to stop practicing after the concert is over. And your neighbour sounds like he's happy to piss you off if you keep winding him up, I wouldn't want to poke that bear.

rwalker · 27/11/2022 07:13

Completely fine to practice and especially at 1pm
but from the neighbours point of view it would be annoying as fuck
because your not breaking any laws doesn’t mean it’s not inconsiderate and annoying

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