To not stop DD playing her French Horn just because it annoys my neighbour

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

Disclaimer: There was no one more unhappy than me when, last year after DD got to pick an instrument to play at school, she picked the bloody French Horn and not something more reasonable 😂 but sometimes life throws us a child with a penchant for annoying instruments

Anyway. 9yo DD plays French horn. I spend a small fortune keeping her in peripatetic 1-2-1 lessons because she’s good. She’s got a concert in the local cathedral next month and is playing 2 Christmas songs as part of a brass group and one solo. She’s bricking it bless her. We live in an end terrace. Her room is the one at the end side of the end (ie furthest away from neighbours) so she practises in there. 30 minutes after school and then an hour on Saturdays and Sundays. Wouldn’t usually practise so much but this concert means a lot to her and she wants to do well

Anyway she was playing at 1pm today for an hour and the neighbour came banging on the door. Said he’s sick of it, it’s every day and disturbing his lie-in! I said sorry but she’s got a concert to practice for it won’t be forever. He then moaned because when we first moved in we asked him to stop playing his music at full blast (Taylor swift mainly, as if life isn’t hard enough). But he was playing it from 5pm-9pm, in his bedroom which shares a wall with my 5yo! Which he has done again tonight.

it can’t be that loud, it can barely be heard from the far room (DS’s). But WIBU to carry on as normal? It’s not unsociable hours, and it’s only for another 2 weeks.

Oh no how will I cope without your help 🙄

You've got to be pretty miserable to resent a child practicing their instrument in the middle of the day @MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard

Oh, you’re one of those AIBU posters. Look, you’re clearly not going to change anything: your daughter’s going to play play play and the neighbour’s going to hate hate hate, so then he’s going to blast the Tay Tay Tay, and you’ll just have to shake shake shake – shake it off, shake it off.

I'm sure you'll cope just fine. So will your neighbour, and so will your 5 yo. Just don't expect him to do you any favours in future, even if it does mean bad blood...

@stuntbubbles but my DD can’t stop, won’t stop grooving. It’s like she’s got this music in her mind that says ‘it’s gonna be alright’.

So if 9pm playing TS next to the joined wall isn’t unsociable shall I change DD’s practise to then, in DS’s room?

Have you heard a beginner's French Horn @prawncocktailwithdill? It's not pretty. It's super-entitled to expect that to get a pass while still moaning about other noise. OP needs to calm down.

So if 9pm playing TS next to the joined wall isn’t unsociable shall I change DD’s practise to then, in DS’s room?

But will she be able to manage the full four hours starting from 5pm?

This is lovely to hear. I was also a shy child but music was the way I could be loud and express myself.

Not sure if it’s helpful to hear, but I live in a flat and do a fair chunk of my practice muted, generally try to balance enjoyable playing & not being too annoying to everyone else. Technical exercises, pulling apart tricky passages, band parts, anything otherwise not pleasant to listen to is muted. Anything more musical is played unmuted, as is anything I want to develop the tone on. It would be v important to practice a solo piece unmuted, since the mute makes a real difference to playing.

Good luck to DD in her concert, and I hope some sort of mutual compromise around noise can be found. (For me, I’m an annoying brass player but our upstairs neighbour does way too much DIY and has a very loud girlfriend. It all balances out. )

I suspect a french horn can be quite loud, unless a tiny girl is playing it. Just tell them to sod off.

Well she will probably pass out but hey it’ll be worth it

1pm is a perfectly reasonable time to be playing an instrument and your DD sounds great to be taking her practice so seriously.

I am a brass player (not French Horn) and I have a practice mute for my instrument but would never use it for a full practice, just warming up.

I think your neighbour is just being an arse because you once asked him to keep noise down at children's bedtime. If it was a trumpet I might sympathise a bit but what is not to like about French Horn?

She’s teeny tiny, she looks about 7yo and is head and shoulders shorter than her peers but she must have the lungs of a giant because she barely takes a breath when playing!

So if 9pm playing TS next to the joined wall isn’t unsociable shall I change DD’s practise to then, in DS’s room?

Why not? I mean, it will clearly keep your DS up (as you know all too well), but I see no issue with you both disturbing each other at the same time.

You'd probably be fine even if he made a formal complaint. Though I think he might not dare because of his own noise.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/piano-prodigy-wins-right-practise-7741252.amp

Any time of the day or night is antisocial if it disturbs someone’s else’s life.

If could be 30 minutes of Taylor Swift, musical instrument or a dog barking.

If you find 30 minutes of a bit of noise something that ‘disturbs your life’ you need to live in a house in the middle of nowhere.

I honestly think some people reckon everyone should tiptoe and whisper lest they upset a neighbour (but of course tolerate loud noise from said neighbour). Good old MN 🤣

Anyway will ask DD’s teacher what she thinks of using a mute but if she says not to then honestly I don’t know what else we can do.

Yes, along with quite a few other instruments, not always pretty but it's just one of these things. Even Taytay's musicians were beginners once.
Big difference between playing at 1pm and 30minutes after school and blasting TS until 9pm.
You need to calm down, what's super entitled is banging on the door and trying to bully a child out of music practice.

"Sonce when was full blast music ‘normal noise’. Especially next to a shared wall."

You are bring very unreasonable. You can't say this and then expect him to put up with DAILY Frenchp horn playing. 1pm and 4pm may be ok for you but they don't work for him. Similarly to when 9pm didn't work for you but did for him.

Your preferences don't trump his! 1pm, 4pm and 9pm are all reasonable times to make noise.

You need to be a bit more considerate and accommodating, as you expected of him.

"I honestly think some people reckon everyone should tiptoe and whisper lest they upset a neighbour (but of course tolerate loud noise from said neighbour). Good old MN 🤣"

You are such a hypocrite!

OK I’ll send DD in at 9pm to play against his wall if it’s reasonable.

Ive already said she practices in her room, away from his house, for short times during the day (yes there ARE sociable and unsociable hours for a good reason). Not sure how I can be more accompdating

Not really - I just didn’t want him playing very loud music next to my son’s wall at 9pm. I don’t think that he should never ever make any noise ever

I tell you what's antisocial... starting a thread just after midnight which was bound to give someone an Ill Wind earworm.
(My own fault for listening to the YouTube, and for having been able to sing it in my youth!)

Lol yea maybe my tapping away on my phone is disturbing the neighbour.

A bit disappointed no one has asked me to a do a diagram yet.

Aren’t unsociable hours 11pm to 7am?