So I was a stay at home mum basically for 5 years, in that time I did do some jobs but basically I was looking after the kids and house 100% and he was the one earning money. In that time it was what I really wanted to do. Now I have started working self employed and whilst I am exhausted as I am still the one doing kids and house 100% I do really enjoy it. This job is great for now while I have a kid who’s not yet in school. However I want to go to uni part time (2days a week) to be graduating by the time youngest starts to school, this would allow me to have evenings off to suit family life better and to earn more. Basically my hourly salary would be six times as much as now. I would work less hours, but the monthly income would still be more. While I would be studying I would still continue working so I would be earning the same as I am now, the course is heavily subsidised and I would get money towards childcare fees. I already have childcare sorted for the time I would be at uni.
husband is not really keen on the idea, he wants me to start when DD starts school. He is currently doing a very high pressure project (which is due to stop 6months before I would start uni) but his whole career is high pressure. He’s on the verge of burnout, he’s in therapy for the amount of stress he’s under. He’s told me he wants to end his days, we would be better without him (payout from his life insurance) - I have told him this absolutely would not be the case the children need a father growing up. He said he needs me to be at home to support his mental health, just to keep the house clean as it makes him feel good to come home to a clean house. He also works away a lot and says things like he doesn’t fit in anymore when he comes back as for ex the kids just want me and not him since they’re just used to me being around and doing everything. I think a lot of kids just want their mummies anyways even if the dads were around more than DH is. He says he’s at a breaking point- he can’t deal with anything more. He says if he has a burnout he won’t be able to pay the mortgage anymore so he needs me to just keep the house clean for him.
While I am extremely worried for DH I don’t think your good/poor mental health starts with other people. Me being at home isn’t going to take the pressure off of him. He is always saying his burnout is 100% work and the only thing making him feel better is us. Me earning more on the other hand would take pressure off him. I am not really a fan of keeping the house spotless anyways. Yes the floors get hoovered everyday and dishes put away, but I would much rather spend a day at the farm with the kids rather than spend a day cleaning. Anyways, doing those two days at uni is not going to mean the house will get messier as I am self employed and have people coming over here so I will need to keep keeping it clean and presentable.
Also, I have constantly been making sacrifices so that he could grow in his career and I have been there for him. The way he has been speaking recently has made me think how would I be able to support the kids if something did happen to him, and this reason on its own is actually pushing me to want to do the uni more. I also think it will take years for him to recover from where he is now and it will actually be beneficial if I was able to earn more and help financially or to ensure we still have enough to pay the mortgage even if he’s not able to work.
AIBU? Should I stay home to keep the house clean and push off going to uni by few years (if at all)
AINBU? Should I go to uni to ensure I can earn more and support the family financially should my husband not be able to do so anymore