Sister charging me?

[Arewerrallydoingthisnow]

I genuinely can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable. We have v little cash at the moment - nursery fees, mortgage increases, I’m working 2 jobs, kids at state schools etc - much like a lot of the population. Sister does not work. Her husbands family are RICH. So in fact not only does she not work, but he doesn’t either. They live off family money, have 2 kids in private school (paid for), a big house mortgage free, and expenses / cars etc paid for by family money.
i have been trying to sort some stuff in my house on a shoestring recently and after having redecorated our living room myself in evenings between kids and jobs etc I asked if she would have any time to bring over her carpet cleaner and help me move everything back as husband at work during days. She said yes great - came and helped and cleaned the carpets for us with her machine and spent some hours helping me sort everything out again. Note again neither she nor her husband work and both kids in school during the day. I was very grateful and asked her husband what she liked at the moment to buy her a gift to say thank you. To cut a long story short she then called and said she would invoice me for hours she’d spent helping and that when she got help in it was around £15/hr so she thought that was reasonable.
i was shocked as I cannot afford that for a start and would never ever have asked if I knew it came with a cost attached, but moreover I’m devastated about the reflection on our relationship that help is boiled down to a transactional cost. And with no prior warning at all. Aibu? Should I expect to pay?

This really has to be one of the most shocking posts I’ve ever seen on here!!
If my sister did this I would be devastated.
really sorry for you op.

How bizarre. I understand why you paid, I just can't understand her. You have lost money, she has gained money, but has lost her relationship with you.
How did you normally get on?

They probably were pissed you asking to borrow their carpet cleaner, people get arsey with them, for instance do you have pets and she does not.

Her husband probably thought that your husband should be cleaning the carpets when he got home rather than your sis.
Depends on the carpet cleaner, some Karchi ones are back breaking.

Not being funny but playing devils advocate.
i've employed my in laws to clean, all day and paid them, but I agree it's hurtful, but you asked her to help, she did not just offer.
Regardless of her home situation you can't take other people's time for granted, family or not and as for being wealthy, I have a wealthy sibling and the main thing they appreciate is the offer, of not taking their money for granted.

And I agree maybe you do not know their situation as well as you think, there maybe control issues.
Pay the money which you have done, don't ask her for further help but also don't offer her any help again.

This is how it starts with siblings, it's such a shame , money clouds everthing.
Is she older than you?

That's terrible! Family help each other out. My sister does so much for us, your post has made me appreciate her even more.
Your sister should be ashamed of herself. I hope she reads this thread!

Wow. What an absolute arsehole to be honest. And thats being polite.

She would be no sister of mine after that. I feel awful for you OP, I would be gutted if it were me, not only because of the money but because of how she views your relationship unbeknownst to you. I hope she sees this thread. Vile.

I imagine she had no concept of money anymore and for her this is pocket change.

If you ever do her a favour or buy her gifts in the future you are an absolute fool. You owe her nothing and you didn't deserve to be treated like this. I hope that finances improve for you.

This is so sad.

That doesn't really add up, why would you charge a friend? Never mind your own sister.

The sister should of said no in the first place.

Came on to say this.

It doesn't matter whether she's stinking rich or dirt poor, no-one with any decency would do this. No wonder you're devastated. If it were me I'd pull her up on how hurt you feel. Don't mention her income because it's not relevant.

It's batshit behaviour from your DS.

Have you told her how skint are? Sometimes rich people need to be told how hard life is for others or they believe everyone is like them - they're in a bubble

I can't believe you paid her. And I can't believe in paying her, there was no conversation or note before transferring the money across especially when it's still an issue for you. Instead of posting your frustration on here - perhaps you should have composed a note to your sister. Right now she is living it up on your savings thinking you are totally okay with it.

I think you were wrong to pay her. You needed to have the painful conversation about expectations and your finances to keep the relationship. Now she has taken advantage of you and you will either feel resentful whilst she's unaware of the pain she's caused. Maybe the end would have been the same- payment- but you owe it to both of you to explain how unreasonable she has been.

This!!!!!!

She wouldn't even get a card off me for Christmas now, so I'd hope she knows there won't be any gifts for her/them.

And OP lost £105 and the sister she thought she had.

What is your relationship like with your sister? Has she got form for doing this sort of stuff?

Well you could have billed her £105 for the lunch you provided. After all, she didn't check first whether it was free or not.

I think you did the right thing to transfer the money, not because you owed it her, but to draw a line under any preconceptions your sister has that you will help her out for free in future. It must be so upsetting for you. It's not just that money is tight but that she did not want to help you without being paid.

i was shocked as I cannot afford that for a start and would never ever have asked if I knew it came with a cost attached, but moreover I’m devastated about the reflection on our relationship that help is boiled down to a transactional cost.

im going to swim against the tide on this one.

I think you should at least have been honest with your sister that you wanted "mates rates" ie use of her cleaning equipment and her time for nothing.

how do you know that she isn't constantly being taken advantage of by her friends and other family to do things for nothing.

she did go about it the wrong way by "invoicing" you, but out of courtesy you coukd have covered the doing it for no charge in advance rather than just assuming, so that she didn't feel put upon.

Really sorry OP. I think you need to let her know you've paid. As she may not even notice it go into her account.

I wouldn't be able to stop myself saying something along the lines of "Whilst I appreciate your time and effort I didn't expect to be treated like a customer. I have paid your invoice but I am hurt. If I knew before it would cost me then I wouldn't have hired you because I can't afford it and it's taken money from savings."

I'd never charge my sister for that and we both work full time. She's clearly a nasty entitled bitch.

I think you kept the high ground by paying but if I were you I think I would go very low or no contact! Sisters don’t do that.

Unbelievable behaviour. She has done so much damage with what feels like a viscous trick. You must be so hurt.

I think it’s wise to step away now. Nothing short of a heartfelt apology, explanation and refund would should prompt any thought of a thaw.

Your upset is totally reasonable @Arewerrallydoingthisnow
your sister has duped you.
I realise that you’ve paid, but I also think you should Send her a message. Something along the lines of:

”I’ve transferred the money to pay for your ‘services’. I hadn’t actually realised when I asked my sister for a favour that you were planning to charge me. If I’d known this, I’d probably have just hired a machine myself or managed without, as paying this unexpected bill to you, has put us in a tight spot - money is very limited for us at the moment. Mostly though, I’m sad that our relationship is so transactional - it genuinely wouldn’t have occurred to me to charge you for a favour, so this has been a bit of a shock. I’m going to focus on relationships of mutual affection and helpfulness so will be taking a step back from contacting you. Take care”