Sister charging me?

[Arewerrallydoingthisnow]

I genuinely can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable. We have v little cash at the moment - nursery fees, mortgage increases, I’m working 2 jobs, kids at state schools etc - much like a lot of the population. Sister does not work. Her husbands family are RICH. So in fact not only does she not work, but he doesn’t either. They live off family money, have 2 kids in private school (paid for), a big house mortgage free, and expenses / cars etc paid for by family money.
i have been trying to sort some stuff in my house on a shoestring recently and after having redecorated our living room myself in evenings between kids and jobs etc I asked if she would have any time to bring over her carpet cleaner and help me move everything back as husband at work during days. She said yes great - came and helped and cleaned the carpets for us with her machine and spent some hours helping me sort everything out again. Note again neither she nor her husband work and both kids in school during the day. I was very grateful and asked her husband what she liked at the moment to buy her a gift to say thank you. To cut a long story short she then called and said she would invoice me for hours she’d spent helping and that when she got help in it was around £15/hr so she thought that was reasonable.
i was shocked as I cannot afford that for a start and would never ever have asked if I knew it came with a cost attached, but moreover I’m devastated about the reflection on our relationship that help is boiled down to a transactional cost. And with no prior warning at all. Aibu? Should I expect to pay?

I get why you paid OP, I wouldn’t want to be indebted either.

Can’t imagine what your next conversation is going to be like.

This was what my family were like.
Ugh. Glad to be rid of them.
Never do or give anything to the cheeky fucker again.
If she ever offers, say, no ill get in a professional for less.
I'd keep it very low contact from now on TBH

Make sure you invoice her for the cost of whatever she ate and your time for making it.

That's mental behaviour from your sister. The only thing I can think of is did you accidentally treat her like 'staff'? When you say you didn't stand over her, could it have come across to her like you gave her tasks to do and then didn't interact with her? Did you chat and thank her throughout the day?

Tell her if you had £15 a hour to pay someone then you would never had asked her for help plus it was you helping bet she never helped whoever she payed.

I understand why you paid. It’s a shit feeling though. I wonder if she knows that’s forever changed your relationship with her. Does she have any self awareness? Is she usually grabby?

I think that is awful of your sister. Not sure why you paid her as you did not agree to any rates or sign any contract so she could not enforce it. She was being totally unreasonable regardless of her financial situation unless she was giving up a days pay to help you. As she doesn't work that is obviously not the case.

Wow, she got £105 but has lost a sister.

Well you know who she is now. So sorry OP. 😢

Another one that can understand why you paid. God I’d be fuming though.

I also get why you paid, but this whole thing makes me feel really sad for you OP. What are you going to do now? Don't think I could keep in much contact with her going forward.

What is your sister usually like?

I would step right back from her.

Charge her the next time she asks for help. I’d also let your family know that she’s tight for cash which is why she’s charging for her time…..she’ll probably do the same to them. It’ll be good to mention that she needs to register her cleaning business with HMRC for tax purposes!😏 Also, offer to advertise her cleaning business to your friends 😀

Can’t believe you paid her. My reaction would have been paying a professional £15 is one thing- out of which they will pay tax, ni and overheads, that is not what they “pocket”. Your DDis is not a business it was causal labour - so no more than minimum wage at best, probably more like £5 an hour, but it’s academic now. It would change my relationship with my sibling, sorry OP

Oh I wouldn’t have transfered it op. I’d say I didn’t have it, hadn’t realised she expected payment and did she realise that professionals provide a quote so the buyer can agree? And I was going to get you thank you chocolates for the favour but now I know you just thought it was paid work I won’t. Consider your payment my never asking for help again as you obviously didn’t want to - since you treated it as a job and if you wanted a job you’d probably go get one.

Whoah. I don't think it's relevant if she works or not, or that they're affluent - siblings (or friends) do not do this to each other. If my brother asked me to help him out with something, I'd say yes or no, but wouldn't dream of charging him! If I did (I wouldn't!), we'd certainly discuss this anyway rather than springing it on him afterwards! I'd be as shocked as you.

Money problems or not, I would never dream of charging friends or family for something like this!

That’s awful, I don’t know a single person who would do this. I’d honestly not contact her again. She needs to know this is unacceptable.

There was no written agreement whereby you said she would be paid for her time, I would tell her to bugger off. She sounds awful btw.

Agree completely, I can’t believe she thought a bit of adhoc helping out is actually worth £15/hr.
She sounds bonkers, and totally awful.
I’m sure you are feeling gutted about the whole thing OP.

Your sister is a total nutcase. She belongs to the priory. Tell her to go and do one.

even better, tell her to f-uck off.

Cash poor!! I imagine things are not as they seem. To do this to your sister though!

This is really strange. We've just redecorated and my dhs family couldn't have done enough to help us out but then they know we'd do the exact same for them. Can you ring her and just say you actually feel a bit hurt because you felt this was something she would have done just to help you out as family as you'd have done the same for her without expecting anything in return. I'd tell her that if she was wanting to be paid for it that she should have said that upfront and agreed that with you. I'd say you had intended to get her a gift to say thank you because you really appreciated the time and effort she put in but you didn't think that it was transactional. Then see what she says

Wow that's awful op. As others have said, if she is talking invoices and being all businesslike about it she has to present charges upfront. £15 is the going rate for a cleaner round here so she wasn't even offering you a family discount. You could have hired a cleaner to help you cheaper as you wouldn't have needed to show gratitude and provide a gift.
However all of that is not even the main point. You asked your sister for or a favour, she agreed with no mention of charge, then decided to charge you. That is very hurtful op. If I had been offered a favour like that from my sister I would have been thinking along the lines of a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine as a thank you not a full invoice with the same prices a professional cleaner would charge 🤔

I would've transferred but sent a message at the same time saying that if you'd been able to afford £15ph you'd have hired a professional to do the job and not asked a loved one to assist you, that you were grateful for her help but disappointed that she hadn't made her intentions clear before helping as it could've avoided an embarrassing situation and then I would've finished by saying you hope that if she is feeling the pinch in the same way you are that she knows you are always there to listen to her vent her frustrations and that there's no shame in simply asking for help if it's needed.

.........essentially I'd just be bashing her over the head with a reminder that not everybody has a rich husband and either she's being tone deaf and should give you your cash back, OR your always there to listen to her if paradise isn't what it seems.