Sister charging me?

[Arewerrallydoingthisnow]

I genuinely can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable. We have v little cash at the moment - nursery fees, mortgage increases, I’m working 2 jobs, kids at state schools etc - much like a lot of the population. Sister does not work. Her husbands family are RICH. So in fact not only does she not work, but he doesn’t either. They live off family money, have 2 kids in private school (paid for), a big house mortgage free, and expenses / cars etc paid for by family money.
i have been trying to sort some stuff in my house on a shoestring recently and after having redecorated our living room myself in evenings between kids and jobs etc I asked if she would have any time to bring over her carpet cleaner and help me move everything back as husband at work during days. She said yes great - came and helped and cleaned the carpets for us with her machine and spent some hours helping me sort everything out again. Note again neither she nor her husband work and both kids in school during the day. I was very grateful and asked her husband what she liked at the moment to buy her a gift to say thank you. To cut a long story short she then called and said she would invoice me for hours she’d spent helping and that when she got help in it was around £15/hr so she thought that was reasonable.
i was shocked as I cannot afford that for a start and would never ever have asked if I knew it came with a cost attached, but moreover I’m devastated about the reflection on our relationship that help is boiled down to a transactional cost. And with no prior warning at all. Aibu? Should I expect to pay?

And the teas/coffees during the day!

I would send a cheap one minus stamp so she will have to go somewhere to collect it and pay the surcharge,

It’s completely different if it’s someone’s business or line or work though. It would be cheeky to ask a friend or family member to provide their business or professional work services for free as presumably they would be losing out on income by doing the favour.

But in the situation where OP’s sister is not a professional cleaner it was very unreasonable of her to charge.

It should simplify them, there should be none!

I suspect crossed wires.

Her husband has told her you wanted to give her something nice, in appreciation. They have everything, they know you're not flush, they don't want you to go overboard with the gift.

She tried to put a limit on how much you spend and means " don't spend more than a paid helper would have charged for the time". Just a bit clumsy.

Fuck me. Just when you think nothing on here could surprise you....

I hope your sister thinks the 100 quid she sold her relationship with you for was worth it. I don't think I could ever properly speak to her again after that. Polite hello at weddings and funerals, that's be it.

I've known some real cheeky fuckers in my time, but that's unreal.

Nice try. She literally asked for 15 quid an hour, OP paid her and she took it. So your scenario doesn't work at all (not that it made much sense anyway!)

No you are not being unreasonable. Some of my friends have skills which are also their jobs. In this instance if we are doing anything related to that it is on a transactional basis, but we are all clear where the boundaries are, and also make sure up front before any time is committed what costs would be.

you cannot just say nothing and then present a bill at the end

And her portion of the hearing while she was there as well.

get up off the floor OP, she is walking all over you

I agree with everyone else that your sister is clearly being unreasonable. She has behaved very, very badly.

I will make a comment that having someone come over to your house and spend most of a day cleaning (or helping clean) your carpets and moving furniture around is a BIG ask of them. I don’t think I would ever ask a close friend or family member to do something that effortful for me - it’s such a big favour. I helped a family member move a few years ago, and it ended up being more than 12 hours of really difficult work, which was much more than I was expecting. I thought it would be more like a couple of hours of light help. I didn’t feel like I could leave once we started the job because it was clear that I was needed, but I would have never agreed had I understood what I was getting into. I felt quite resentful afterwards that my family member didn’t just hire someone instead of relying on me so heavily. I wonder if your sister similarly feels resentful and is taking it out on you - albeit in a completely unreasonable way.

Are you sure she's rich and not struggling herself!
Irregardless she's being totally unreasonable.

Wow! That's such strange behaviour from your sister. Writing this as I've just packed up my boot with any old piece of furniture, curtains, bedding and towels for my own sister as she's just left her husband and moved into her own home to start again. Will spend the day there tomorrow helping clean and move her in. Would never cross my mind to even ask for a penny. In fact, I even offered to take her and her three kids for tea as a treat as a tough time for them all.
I think, drops her a bottle of Prosecco and leave it at that. I wouldn't hand a penny over out of principal and wouldn't ask for help again.
Do you have a parent you could speak to to try and smooth over and speak to your sister to make her see sense? X

God, well it's how the rich stay rich.
Vile woman, you are not unreasonable.

This

You obviously have not heard of an organisation called "the civil service".

Wow …. No words

If you are reasonably certain there's no coercive control by her DP then I think I'd struggle not to drop off a passive aggressive food parcel of dried pasta, passata, kidney beans and so on in a few weeks. You were going to donate to the local foodbank but you've been dwelling on how much they must be struggling.

your sister is like a school bully demanding you hand over your pocket money....and you did?!
She must have dominated & bullied you all your life for you to roll over so easily, come on OP, she' taking the piss out of you, why are you letting it happen??

you should have replied with a payment offer of 5p per month

and then invoice her for the lunch, for breathing your air, for the pleasure of your company, for enjoying the view from your window etc

You should have charged her £50 for lunch

Invite them round and when they show up tell them the entrance fee is £10 per head, dont let them in until they pay it, carry on with similar impromptu charges until you have clawed back what you paid her + 3% interest
she wont take the piss like that again will she?
But you wont, if you were the kind of person who could bring yourself to go against social norms like that she'd not be trying it on with you in the first place....cos you'd lamp 'er one

😂😂😂

Ah yes, the famous "Civil Service Carpet Cleans Are Us" that is a hive of illegal activity -" employing" people under the cover of daylight to come and help in relatives homes. It is absolutely rife with people with carpet cleaners on street corners doing secret deals

You can tell her this, sorry but that was not discussed before hand so there is no charge and furthermore sisters so not do that to one another. If she feels that it is acceptable then she can continue her life without you based on her own actions.