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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sister charging me?

303 replies

Arewerrallydoingthisnow · 26/11/2022 22:37

I genuinely can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable. We have v little cash at the moment - nursery fees, mortgage increases, I’m working 2 jobs, kids at state schools etc - much like a lot of the population. Sister does not work. Her husbands family are RICH. So in fact not only does she not work, but he doesn’t either. They live off family money, have 2 kids in private school (paid for), a big house mortgage free, and expenses / cars etc paid for by family money.
i have been trying to sort some stuff in my house on a shoestring recently and after having redecorated our living room myself in evenings between kids and jobs etc I asked if she would have any time to bring over her carpet cleaner and help me move everything back as husband at work during days. She said yes great - came and helped and cleaned the carpets for us with her machine and spent some hours helping me sort everything out again. Note again neither she nor her husband work and both kids in school during the day. I was very grateful and asked her husband what she liked at the moment to buy her a gift to say thank you. To cut a long story short she then called and said she would invoice me for hours she’d spent helping and that when she got help in it was around £15/hr so she thought that was reasonable.
i was shocked as I cannot afford that for a start and would never ever have asked if I knew it came with a cost attached, but moreover I’m devastated about the reflection on our relationship that help is boiled down to a transactional cost. And with no prior warning at all. Aibu? Should I expect to pay?

OP posts:
PerkingFaintly · 26/11/2022 23:41

"Oh that's OK, you can take it off the [stupid amount] you owe me for doing [random minor favour] last month.

"What? Why yes, my rate is a little high, but I feel that's the correct price because of my expertise in this area, and my opportunity cost, and anyway it's value-based pricing.

"You're not happy? Well it's just a shame you didn't ask me my price before accepting my work. Too late now, you owe me this money. You can subtract your fee of [bleh] for cleaning, and let me have the balance by the end of the week."

Lysianthus · 26/11/2022 23:42

NeedAHoliday2021 · 26/11/2022 23:17

“I had no idea you clean as a profession… I thought you were helping me out in the normal way family would. If I could afford to hire help I wouldn’t have been doing it myself and your suggestion of charging me is bizarre. Is money a bit tight for you? I had no idea.”

Great response

PerkingFaintly · 26/11/2022 23:43

Your relationship with her is trashed already by her behaviour, of course, or I wouldn't be suggesting such a thing.

notnowB · 26/11/2022 23:44

Oh my God!! Shock

RedWingBoots · 26/11/2022 23:44

amiold · 26/11/2022 23:30

@RedWingBoots ok then. Thanks for just asking me, seems a bit odd but that's mumsnet for you

Sorry you asked the question in a way that made it seemed normal to receive a bill with random figures from family, friends, etc who agreed to help you with something.

JuneOsborne · 26/11/2022 23:44

There is definitely something at okayy here that you don't know about, because this just isn't normal.

I'd say something like.... Ok, so the paying you thing is well weird, I thought you were doing me a favour. Just in case you haven't noticed, money is seriously tight here. Which makes me wonder if you guys are struggling bit? I can't afford to pay you, but are you really broke or something? What's going on?

Bpdqueen · 26/11/2022 23:46

NeedAHoliday2021 · 26/11/2022 23:17

“I had no idea you clean as a profession… I thought you were helping me out in the normal way family would. If I could afford to hire help I wouldn’t have been doing it myself and your suggestion of charging me is bizarre. Is money a bit tight for you? I had no idea.”

Yes this send this exact message its perfect

SunshineLoving · 26/11/2022 23:47

I think the previous message idea is good.

I agree with you. It's the fact your sister's trying to charge you for her help with no prior warning, her financial situation is irrelevant.

Gem123J · 26/11/2022 23:47

Sounds like something my brother would do! That’s why I don’t have much of a relationship with him now. If it wasn’t for my niece and nephew I wouldn’t have a relationship at all with him!

Sprouttreesareamazing · 26/11/2022 23:53

And now you know where you figure op. Pay up.
And never spend another penny on either of them.
In fact imo I would dump her cf arse
.

UsingChangeofName · 26/11/2022 23:56

“I had no idea you clean as a profession… I thought you were helping me out in the normal way family would. If I could afford to hire help I wouldn’t have been doing it myself and your suggestion of charging me is bizarre. Is money a bit tight for you? I had no idea.”

Another who thinks this is just right.

Regardless of the relationship, or what it is the charge is for, nobody can do something and then drop it on the person they want paying for it afterwards.

Arewerrallydoingthisnow · 26/11/2022 23:57

Sprouttreesareamazing · 26/11/2022 23:53

And now you know where you figure op. Pay up.
And never spend another penny on either of them.
In fact imo I would dump her cf arse
.

We paid up - took it out of savings. I figured either she does need the money in which case if this is a cry for help - then I’d be helping her.
if it’s not a cry for help - and to be clear I do not think it is, they have a lot of luxury extras which she buys herself just for her, so I think she has fair control of money - well if it’s just her being a terrible person then I don’t want to ever feel like I owe her any favours or in debt to her and move on with a totally changed view of our relationship.

OP posts:
Tigofigo · 26/11/2022 23:59

MarshaMelrose · 26/11/2022 23:02

You're both unreasonable.

You for keep whining on how well off she is. That's none of your business. And wealthy people don't have to work for free.
And her for charging her own sister instead of just helping out. That's not what family does.

Is OP whining?

The fact her sister has access to loads of money and doesn't work IS relevant.

If her sister was on breadline and had to take a day off work to help the story would be v different.

amiold · 27/11/2022 00:01

@RedWingBoots no I was intrigued how far her sister was going to push her luck. Is she wanting a full days wage for this favour? If it was a few hours I'd be inclined to scrape the money together and give her it in the proviso she never asks for any help or comes round again

Shouldershoddy · 27/11/2022 00:02

Your post brings back really awful memories of when my sister decided to buy my share of my darling mums house . Not only did she try and get mates rates for the house she then gave me a bill for Estate Agents bill that didn’t actually exist…am ok now but it took many years for me to forgive her ! Her partner is a multi millionaire which made her greed even harder to comprehend !

Arewerrallydoingthisnow · 27/11/2022 00:03

amiold · 27/11/2022 00:01

@RedWingBoots no I was intrigued how far her sister was going to push her luck. Is she wanting a full days wage for this favour? If it was a few hours I'd be inclined to scrape the money together and give her it in the proviso she never asks for any help or comes round again

It was a full day!! So about £105!! She was here for the full day to be fair - but we had lunch etc as part of that!

OP posts:
amiold · 27/11/2022 00:04

@Arewerrallydoingthisnow what did she say when you give her it ?

I can't believe she's done it and I don't know either of you

Rainbowbaby13 · 27/11/2022 00:04

I'd laugh and throw what ever invoice she's planning to give you in the bin 😂😂

Arewerrallydoingthisnow · 27/11/2022 00:04

amiold · 27/11/2022 00:04

@Arewerrallydoingthisnow what did she say when you give her it ?

I can't believe she's done it and I don't know either of you

I just transferred it and have not spoken to her since the call as was too upset, so I don’t yet know if she has seen.

OP posts:
amiold · 27/11/2022 00:05

@Arewerrallydoingthisnow I hope it's just a joke that's got out of hand and she sends it back!
Is your husband fuming too ?

MintJulia · 27/11/2022 00:06

Tell her no. That you have no spare cash but the next time she needs help, you'll come and lend a hand for the same amount of time.

HeckyPeck · 27/11/2022 00:10

I'm sorry, that's really shit of her OP.

I hope she transfers it back with a massive apology.

UsingChangeofName · 27/11/2022 00:12

Not sure why you are asking us if you have already paid.

I can't believe you actually paid her, in truth, and did so without challenging her, and telling her how shocked you were.
Now she doesn't know how you feel and doesn't know this is really odd behaviour.
Why would you send money and not say anything to her ? Confused

cherish123 · 27/11/2022 00:12

What a mean woman your sister is. Pathetic. I'm sure you have just lost any respect you had for her. I would not have paid.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 27/11/2022 00:13

I would not have paid her OP. That's just ridiculous.

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