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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sister charging me?

303 replies

Arewerrallydoingthisnow · 26/11/2022 22:37

I genuinely can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable. We have v little cash at the moment - nursery fees, mortgage increases, I’m working 2 jobs, kids at state schools etc - much like a lot of the population. Sister does not work. Her husbands family are RICH. So in fact not only does she not work, but he doesn’t either. They live off family money, have 2 kids in private school (paid for), a big house mortgage free, and expenses / cars etc paid for by family money.
i have been trying to sort some stuff in my house on a shoestring recently and after having redecorated our living room myself in evenings between kids and jobs etc I asked if she would have any time to bring over her carpet cleaner and help me move everything back as husband at work during days. She said yes great - came and helped and cleaned the carpets for us with her machine and spent some hours helping me sort everything out again. Note again neither she nor her husband work and both kids in school during the day. I was very grateful and asked her husband what she liked at the moment to buy her a gift to say thank you. To cut a long story short she then called and said she would invoice me for hours she’d spent helping and that when she got help in it was around £15/hr so she thought that was reasonable.
i was shocked as I cannot afford that for a start and would never ever have asked if I knew it came with a cost attached, but moreover I’m devastated about the reflection on our relationship that help is boiled down to a transactional cost. And with no prior warning at all. Aibu? Should I expect to pay?

OP posts:
EmmaLouu · 26/11/2022 23:10

Tell her to piss off. Firstly, you didn’t agree to that and wouldn’t have, had you have known. Secondly, she can swivel.

MrsK89 · 26/11/2022 23:11

😯Wow so cheeky! Why would she think you would pay her full wack when you could have hired a professional cleaner. She must be having a laugh or trying her luck!

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 26/11/2022 23:12

Id laugh and say youre willing to pay for the cleaning solution that she used in the machine but definitely not labour. Otherwise, when you go and visit her, bring an invoice for your time, fuel and subsistence.
Think the message will sink in....

HiCandles · 26/11/2022 23:12

Seriously bizarre. Have you got another relative who could intervene and ask her if everything is alright, if she won't admit it to you?

F4chrissakes · 26/11/2022 23:15

That is something my sister would have done. Which is why I have nothing to do with her.

RandomMess · 26/11/2022 23:17

I would simply text her and say you can't afford £15 for a gift let alone £15 per hour and how hurt you are that she didn't want to help her sister.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 26/11/2022 23:17

“I had no idea you clean as a profession… I thought you were helping me out in the normal way family would. If I could afford to hire help I wouldn’t have been doing it myself and your suggestion of charging me is bizarre. Is money a bit tight for you? I had no idea.”

Respectfullydisagree · 26/11/2022 23:21

Do you normally have a good relationship with her? If so, it is weird that this has come from nowhere. Surely this must be her personality in which case it must be quite a strained relationship? I’m just assuming…

RedWingBoots · 26/11/2022 23:23

She is a shit sister.

Her repayment would be the practical and emotional support you would have given her of herself, her husband or her children got seriously ill, seriously injured or died. Or even just day to day.

As PPs have suggested say that she was mistaken she had a choice of quality streets or whatever, or a choice of a bottle of £20 alcohol.

Then once you have given her that keep her at a good distance - so don't be helping her if the worst happens - and cultivate your relationships with friends, neighbours and even acquaintances who act appropriately.

amiold · 26/11/2022 23:24

How many hours is she likely to be billing you for ?

Pompom2367 · 26/11/2022 23:24

Tell her no op if she was expecting paid then this should have been agreed before hand

RedWingBoots · 26/11/2022 23:25

amiold · 26/11/2022 23:24

How many hours is she likely to be billing you for ?

Do you bill your siblings after you have helped them?

amiold · 26/11/2022 23:25

@RedWingBoots no. Do you?

Summerfun54321 · 26/11/2022 23:25

Ask her to email you her terms and conditions as you thought you were eligible for her friendly sister helping another sister rate and you didn’t know you were subject to her standard hourly rate.

RedWingBoots · 26/11/2022 23:28

amiold · 26/11/2022 23:25

@RedWingBoots no. Do you?

Definitely not.

Regardless of the hours billed.

Bpdqueen · 26/11/2022 23:28

Have you done anything for her in the past like childcare that you can bill her for the cheeky 🐄

RedWingBoots · 26/11/2022 23:29

I mean done not billed.

amiold · 26/11/2022 23:30

@RedWingBoots ok then. Thanks for just asking me, seems a bit odd but that's mumsnet for you

BadNomad · 26/11/2022 23:35

You say his family is rich, but does she have access to that money? There are plenty of threads on MN about financially controlling husbands who won't let their wives spend any money, yet make it impossible for them to get a job. If that's the type of relationship your sister is in, then maybe she's seeing this as a way for her to get some spending money for herself with Christmas coming up.

mondaytosunday · 26/11/2022 23:36

Wow. I'd do this for a friend for free let alone a family member. I'd sit her down and say that she must understand your financial circumstances and if she wanted paying she should have said so up front. Then I'd say this will really affect your relationship from now on. Unbelievable.

CryCeratops · 26/11/2022 23:36

😮 wow 😮

Regardless of income, if someone wants to be paid for their time, then they should mention this before they spend any time at all doing stuff.
That way you’d have had a chance to decide whether her help was worth the price tag.

I guess you’ll have to talk to her and explain that you just can’t afford this £15 per hour charge?

Bigbus · 26/11/2022 23:36

I don’t think her financial or relationship situation is remotely relevant. In no normal situation would anyone in their right mind charge their sister for helping out in her house. It’s entirely unreasonable of your sister to reduce your relationship to a transaction. I’m sorry OP, this would change my relationship with my sibling beyond repair. I can’t even imagine my DB charging me for his time if he helped me out and he has two kids and a job.

sueelleker · 26/11/2022 23:38

My sister cleans for a living, and I asked her to come and do my carpets (2 dogs, and they're very grimy) She did the whole house, and didn't charge me a penny! I was quite prepared to pay her going rate.

QS90 · 26/11/2022 23:40

So weird. Even if she did have hidden money problems or something, this wouldn't be the way to resolved them (she's have to get a job like most other working-age people).

I wouldn't dream of asking my brother for money for anything like this, and I know the thought wouldn't cross his mind either. Echoing what others have already asked - have you passed her off somehow?

QS90 · 26/11/2022 23:41
  • pissed!