To think not everybody regrets terminating

[Struggling2]

I am in this situation now and really struggling with this decision, I have an 8 month old DD and just found out I am pregnant. My marriage is very rocky and DH has been staying at his mums, I really wanted my marriage to work so I have been so preoccupied with that, I feel so guilty that I am in this position, but I know I can’t have another baby in this situation, it wouldn’t be fair on my DD.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

If you struggle to read, then just say so. That is not why I implied at all. Stop exaggerating and making stuff up to convince yourself you make sense.

Do you want me to screenshot the posts where you used the word murder? You didn’t imply it, you outright said it.

I would hope any talk of ‘murder’ on the pregnancy choices topic would be deleted.

I just think as a general discussion on abortion, then AIBU is fine. But if I was actually genuinely contemplating having one and struggling so much that I posted, I wouldn’t put it on AIBU. If OP has found it helpful then I suppose that’s good, but a couple of her comments seemed to show it was making her feel bad.

If you post about abortion on AIBU, you’re going to get comments about murder because that’s how some people view it.

@whumpthereitis

No, you just wanted to force me to believe what you believe. I said numerous times that this is not a thread for what anyones opinions are. It was simply to give advise or show support for OP. There was no space for anyone to make assumptions at Christian's when no one said anything. The real trolls here were pro-choice. If the word 'murder' makes you feel uncomfortable then don't start calling people names either. I didn't call anyone a murderer or trolled anyone for their decision to abort. However, you've done nothing but try and troll me. Says a lot about you, and everyone else who feels entitled to not accept not everyone agrees with you.

I love how pro lovers are super comfortable with forcing women to give birth to children they don’t want but get MASSIVELY butthurt when described as being what they are - people who want to force births. It must be soooooo hard to be so oppressed 😂

I terminated a pregnancy 7 years ago. I didn’t think twice about it. I barely remember anything about it - don’t know what my due date would have been, can’t remember the date of the TOP or anything like that. It was the wrong person and the wrong time.

I think one of my favourite 'pro-life' arguments is 'if it was a result of rape, it's fine to terminate.' So, you think it's murder of a child but that it's ok in certain circumstances?

‘How dare you accuse people of things they do!!’ 😂💀

I’m not offended if you call me a murderer, as like I said, you’re straight up wrong. ‘Comfort’ doesn’t come into it, murder has a legal definition and abortion does not meet the criteria It didn’t even before it was legalised. That isn’t opinion, it’s a statement of fact. My point was you drew a bad parallel, which you did. If you’re going to call me anything at least make it true.

I have no issue accepting that you disagree with me. You’re the one that seems to be butthurt at reality being acknowledged. Now, don’t actually demonstrate that you don’t care, but hit that reply button and be at pains to tell me about it.

I've never spent a minute regretting mine, I am, however regularly very thankful that I live in a country that allowed me have it.

I instantly regretted mine - found the whole thing quite traumatic tbh, pretty sure it was just hormones though - after a couple of days I made peace with it and have never thought about it since.

I'm sorry you're in this situation OP, I remember how hellish the weeks leading up to mine was. I hope you have support IRL

They just hate their actions to become clear and show how awful they really are.

Whereas am sure throwing around the word murder and promoting an American evangelical propaganda film is really helping the OP.

@toffeecrisps

I wasn't calling anyone a murderer though. I just simply stated exactly how pro-choice like to call pro-lifers 'forced birthers because apparently we force people to give people & you throw all pro-life with the extremists. I've also heard the same argument that pro-life extremists call pro-choice people murders because we know life begins at conception so take it however you want, it can also be classed as murder in that sense. I really was minding my own business until some idiot on here decided they wanted to troll for no reason. I'll defend my values and beliefs until the day I die, and you can defend aborting innocent babies or "clump of cells" whatever wording makes you feel better for the rest of yours.

Also the film is literally based on a true story, it's someones story. A woman who was VERY MUCH pro-choice to begin with.

I am sure I'll have a bunch of other people start throwing hate at me (typical pro-choice behaviour) so do yourself a favour and don't bother because I'm not going to respond anymore. Report my comment if it's too much for you or anyone to handle.

I tried to be respectful but forget it. Can't respect people who don't really deserve it.

Gooooooodbye ;)

Killing. The word you are looking for is ‘killing’. If you want to crack open the thesaurus you can also go for ‘dispatch’, or even ‘slay’ if you want to be slightly offbeat. It can’t be ‘murder in that sense’ though, because there is no definition of murder outside of the legal one. Already said you can call it a ‘baby’ if you like, it’s not as if falling back on tired tropes makes any difference, and it’s not like I need to ‘feel better’ when I didn’t feel the slightest bit bad in the first place.

no one is trolling, except possibly you, considering you decided to plop on a thread clearly not aimed at you, and proceeded to get butthurt over the fact that a lot of people don’t have a good opinion of anti abortionists. And Jesus Christ, one unpopular socially conservative opinion does not make you Che Guevara, leading the charge for the underdog. You’re on mumsnet. If you think this counts as activism then the bar is in literal hell.

lastly, Abby Johnson is a classic grifter in the MLM sense, making a quick buck off the easy target that is the religious right. “I think this movie, that confirms my well established biases, is good!”. No fucking kidding you like it. She’s a woman that jumped from her job before she was pushed, and told some fun stories to an audience eager to lap it up. I’m sure you’re also aware as to the massive holes in her account, but then I’m also sure you’ve overlooked those ‘minor’ details.

I tried to be respectful but forget it. Can't respect people who don't really deserve it.

wait, this was supposed to be disrespectful? Needs work.

The film is a highly fictionalised account of the highly disputed claims of an anti-choice activist who was trying to get back at a former employer who was about to fire her, and was produced and funded by a far-right conman.

My big problem with this is - how do you prove it?

1. Are we taking a woman’s word for it? problem = it will be easy to an abortion and pointless outlawing it except in the case of rape and may lead to false allegations (I’d say if if it was the only way to get an abortion I just wouldn’t give a name).
2. Does there have to be a police report? problem = not every woman wants to report a rape nor should they have to, some are pregnant due to being raped by their husbands who they won’t want to report, and given how shitty victims are treated by police and the justice system who can blame them
3. Does there have to be a police conviction? problem = it takes longer than 9 months to get to this extremely unlikely event so would be utterly pointless.

what’s the answer? Anyone?

I haven't had a termination and it would not have been a choice for me - but I am very glad that my third pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage. I absolutely support the choice of any woman to have a termination if that is the right choice for them. If it is not the right time for you to have another child you must do what is right for you and your DD.

Exactly, like most pro-life arguments, it doesn't stand up to scrutiny.

No, not everyone will regret it.

People who are anti abortion and don't want to say they are, will use it as a stick to beat you with whilst they pretend to support your decision.

I'm sorry you're in this position. It's not an easy decision and you will feel all sorts of emotions after that are perfectly normal. Just make sure you are able to talk them through with someone.

I was sad for a while but knew at 16 it was the right choice. Over 30 years later now and I still know it was the right thing, no regrets.

Please stop with this, ‘no, not everyone will regret it’.

HARDLY ANY WOMEN WILL REGRET IT.

If they’ve chosen it, they are highly unlikely to regret it.

Relief is the overwhelming emotion for women who have abortions, NOT regret.

I had a termination when I was 25. I was in a committed and stable relationship, owned our house etc but I was still training in my profession, it was an unplanned pregnancy and I didn't feel it was the right time. 5 years later, I'm still with my partner and I am now pregnant with our planned baby. I did wonder if I might feel guilt or regret after falling pregnant this time, but I absolutely do not. I wouldn't have the life I have now had I chosen to continue that pregnancy and am glad and grateful that I now feel ready for this baby. It was 100% the right decision for both me and my partner - even though our circumstances at the time were good, it just wasn't the right time for us to have a baby.

It wasn't a difficult decision for me at the time, but I wish you all the best OP making this choice.

When I was with my exH I was totally pro life. I refused to listen to any reason that was someone terminating a pregnancy.

However I think that was because we had problems and went to fertility clinics etc.

I then left him and met DH and with him I've been pregnant 5 times. So I know understand why people terminate as I've done it myself.

No regrets. None whatsoever. My life is quite nice now and I had I proceeded with an unplanned pregnancy off a ONS almost 30 years ago I can be quite sure it wouldn't look anything like it does now. So grateful to have had access to a safe termination

Statistically vast majority of women do not regret terminations. I had one in August, I regret I put myself in that position but I do not regret the termination .