To think not everybody regrets terminating

[Struggling2]

I am in this situation now and really struggling with this decision, I have an 8 month old DD and just found out I am pregnant. My marriage is very rocky and DH has been staying at his mums, I really wanted my marriage to work so I have been so preoccupied with that, I feel so guilty that I am in this position, but I know I can’t have another baby in this situation, it wouldn’t be fair on my DD.

I sometimes look at my children and feel a sadness at what might have been, but I have no regrets about my termination. It was 100% the right decision for me.

I'd make exactly the same decision if I could go back in time.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time 💐

I don’t regret mine nor feel guilty. I won’t lie there have been times I wish circumstances had been different and I could have continued with the pregnancy but they weren’t and couldn’t have been so I know I made the best decision for me at the time.

I let myself feel sadness for this and acknowledged it which helped me accept it and not feel regret.

Had one nearly 20 years ago, no regrets at all. Knew immediately I couldn’t have a baby at that point in my life, felt relief more than anything else when it was over.

Yes - totally. I wish there were any realistic portrayals in dramas where a completely respectable normal person had a termination and was happy about it - no regrets, no sadness, no nearly dying because of it, no becoming infertile as a result.

Unless it’s basically a sex worker or drug addict who “uses abortion as contraception” then in the media it has to ruin your life.

Plenty of people have abortions in real life and the only bad thing was that they wished they hadn’t got pregnant in the first place and the procedure itself is not exactly fun. And they don’t regret it and anre not sad and only think of it very occasionally along the lines of “thank fuck I haven’t also got a 2 year old to deal with/pay for etc!”

I had an abortion many years ago. It was a really sad day and the aftermath wasn't pretty. I was young(ish) and stupid. For a while afterwards I became militant that I had done the wrong thing and became very anti-abortion. I felt so guilty.

Now that I have my life in order, I've moved past the pain. He would have been 15 and most likely really messed up from the circumstances. I have 2 lovely, healthy boys who might never have been born. I'm single as I was back then but I can support my children like I wouldn't have been able to then.

My one thing is that I wish I'd had someone to talk to. I think a bit of non-judgmental counselling would have been so helpful.

Some people regret having a termination, and some people regret having a child. I'd much, much rather live with the former than the latter. However, I've had both and regret neither.

So sorry you're going through this. I personally would regret it.

I don’t regret having mine. Haven’t ever regretted it and it was over 20 years ago. I would have regretted having the baby. As pp said, that’s far worse. I have had kids since and it’s still never made me wonder ‘what if’. A lot of regret, imo, is people wondering ‘what if’ and imagining it would have all worked out wonderfully.

You can only make the decision that you feel is right for you, now. That makes it the right decision. And you need to remember that if you ever do feel regret. Good luck

Same.

I don't regret mine. I was 17, in a very loving relationship with a wonderful boyfriend. We used condoms and it broke but the MAP wasn't really a thought back then, we didn't think it would really be a problem. No way were either of us ready for a baby. I do sometimes think what they might have been like, they would have been 33 now but I couldn't have had the life I ended up having if I had gone ahead with the pregnancy.

You're quite right op. Many women (myself included) have terminated and not felt a shred of guilt. For me, it was pure relief and thankfulness that I live in a country that gave me that option. Termination is nothing to feel guilty about and it doesn't necessarily turn you into the weeping, guilty person we see so often portrayed.

I terminated a pregnancy when my oldest was 8 months. I haven't ever regretted it. In fact, I don't know anyone who has had an abortion and regretted it- I know some people do but I personally only know women who haven't any regrets, as hard as it is at the time.

I dont regret terminating. I'd terminate again if I fell pregnant.

Of course they don’t.

Your first duty is to yourself and your DD. Do what’s right for you. No need to feel guilty about that.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation

Several of my nearest and dearest have had terminations and none of them regret it. It was sad for them, yes, but they each did it for their own, right, informed reasons.

Around 30 years on and I still don't regret it. I had very sound reasons at the time so made the right decision.

I dont regret my abortion

I had a termination between my two DC. I don't even think about it outside of threads like this.

The stats I have read are that 5 years on just over 95% of women do not regret their abortion.

My own (not at all backed up by research other than anecdotal) theory is that a quite high proportion of the women who do regret their abortions are those who were forced / pushed / coerced into having them by someone else.

That wouldn't be the case for me. I would regret it. Deeply.

Again it's purely anecdotal but I would say this is quite likely. I regretted mine so much, it's the worst thing I've ever been through and I'll never get over it. I know a lot of people who feel like this and it has affected their mental health substantially. However ever single one didn't really want to go through with it, it wasn't really their choice and they were coerced.
For those people who made their own choice, I only know one person who has regretted it (and many more that haven't)

I'm sure that's deeply helpful to the op

But then if you know you'd regret it deeply you wouldn't have one would you?

I terminated my first pregnancy in my late 20's. Im now married to the DF of that child /pregnancy and we were in a committed relationship at the time. It was not the right time for us. I have never had any regrets over it.

I had a termination in 2006. I was 19, just about to go to uni, living at home. I was young and stupid. My boyfriend was not supportive at all and wanted me to keep the baby. To the point where he ignored me for weeks and my best friend came with me.

I felt guilty and for a few years afterwards I would think oh I'd have a one year old now ect ect. I am now 35, married (to a different man obviously) have a great career, a nearly 4 year old and will be trying for the second soon. I have no regrets.

As a PP said there are so many different circumstances but I honestly feel it took me a good few years to get over it.