AIBU to be upset that friend told me I couldn’t get pregnant before her wedding?

[LilyPad11]

My best friend is getting married next December and has asked me and another of our childhood friends to be bridesmaids.

To provide a bit of context I had a really traumatic late miscarriage in august which DF knew about, and I was always open about wanting to TTC again once me and my husband were ready. Fast forward to now and DF asked me to be bridesmaid last week which I was so happy about. I was talking to her today about being worried we would not conceive again or suffer another MC and her only reply was ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’

The wedding is still a year away and I really don’t want to put our TTC plans on hold for that long but I feel like now if I do get pregnant it will be overshadowed by the feeling of disappointing my DF. I really don’t want any bad feelings around this potential pregnancy as I will be so lucky just to carry a healthy baby and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that happiness.

Sorry for the essay but basically AIBU to feel really upset about this situation?

im so sorry for your loss, I agree with others that you should decline being a bridesmaid for this‘friend’ as when you feel ready to ttc again that absolutely outranks anyones wedding.

Please please please tell her where to shove her wedding dress . What a selfish person. She is not, absolutely not, your friend. You risk losing a ‘friend’ or losing the opportunity to ever be a mum? Now come on, you know which is more important. The biggest risk here is that she actually stays in your life! Imagine her demanding to be godmother and starting to control your friend as well. If she was a real friend she’d be wishing for a healthy pregnancy for you asap, not this bridezilla shite! Try Googling toxic friendships, that we stay in out of misguided loyalty or ‘history’…. They are often childhood friends and we hang in there out of guilt. Don’t you dare give in to her! Good luck in TTC and let us know how you get on. Gosh I am fuming for you x

I meant, control your child as well

YANBU!

I feel like you’re in one of these situations that’s painful at the time but is actually life helping you out.

If this person was your friend, she wouldn’t make this request. The issue that’s surfacing, and sorry if this is upsetting, is that this person doesn’t treat you with the respect and dignity that you deserve. The subtext is that her life is more important (it isn’t) and that her needs are primary (they’re not). Or she’s incredibly selfish and unaware. Either way, you deserve better.

Perhaps, for now, some space to think.

Then, for me, you sensitively bow out of being a bridesmaid (and perhaps the friendship) as you’re unable to agree to such a commitment; handling yourself and everyone with respect, no matter the drama. This way, whatever the outcome, you’ll have a clear conscience that you behaved reasonably and respectfully and will find closure and peace of mind.

You deserve better friends than this! x

She is not your friend. She’s an insensitive, selfish, entitled piece of work. Please don’t take any notice of her. She doesn’t get to control what you do with your body. I would decline if I were you. If someone shows you what they’re like, believe them. I’m sorry for your loss

Tell her to fuck off, she is no friend.

You sound lovely OP. Hope things work out for you and you have the lovely baby you deserve.

What a cow! Fuck you, your wedding and the friendship would be my response.

She is being ridiculous. Both of my bridesmaids were already TTC when I told them about my wedding and asked them to be BM. I made it very clear that there was no pressure and if they did become pregnant we would work around it with regards to dresses/ if they could no longer attend etc. Being involved in someone else’s wedding isn’t more important than your own life plans.

YANBU!!! I’m so sorry for your loss. What a selfish, entitled, self obsessed friend you have. Take no notice of her, so what if you can’t be a bridesmaid, TTC is a million times more important and shouldn’t be delayed.
I hope you successfully conceive soon… good luck.

I would start by asking for clarify what she meant by the comment. Is it because she loves you so much as a friend she doesn't want anything to happen that would mean you can't attend? If she hasn't been in your shoes then she probably doesn't appreciate how insensitive the comment was. I am assuming she is 20's in age.

I am sorry for your loss, but I agree with others you can't put TTC on hold for anything like this.

She's disgusting.

@RedAndBlueStripedGolfingUmbrella

Well it was the best part of 15 years ago so I can’t really remember exactly but I think it was probably largely down to wanting to get drunk with her on the hen and day. Also I think I had it in my head that a heavily pregnant BM would look silly. And I was so far away from wanting babies etc that I just had no concept of it being an unreasonable expectation! Wouldn’t give a shiny shite now. And I have been very good to her in other ways!

I would say I’m trying and if I get pregnant I can’t be your bridesmaid.

"What are you talking about, DF? Of course I can get pregnant at some point within the next year... and I plan to try very hard and very often to make that happen!"

You can be even more graphic if you want to - if she complains, just laugh. Her behaviour is so ridiculous that she should be laughed at, anyways, so making her angry at the same time is just a bonus! :p

Please ditch your so called friend. She’s vile!

Are you SURE ‘I’ll be so annoyed’ wasn’t said with a twinkle in her eye? No one’s THAT self-cantered, surely?

What is is about weddings which turns otherwise reasonable women into self-obsessed sociopathic monsters?

Your friend is an absolute wanker to be honest, I’d be telling her to fuck off!

I have to be honest, you are absolutely not being unreasonable but why does the bride and what she wants even figure into any of this. You get on with your life and do what you want, if you are pregnant when the wedding comes, that’s just tough. Is she crazy or just plain selfish?!?!

She cannot ask that of you, far too much. Your TTC is your private business and she has no control over it. Dump her if she can’t accept that you will be trying for a baby without her ‘permission’. Who the hell does she think she is!

You almost are being unreasonable to be upset because what she’s saying is so ridiculous that you should do nothing more than ignore it and not give it any thought at all. Your potential future family is more important than any wedding and if your friend truly cares about you she’d never say such a horrible thing. I’ve had 2 miscarriages and eventually conceived through ivf and if one of my friends was telling me to wait then I would either a)assume it was a weird insensitive joke or b) reconsider the friendship.

Obviously this is mad but I feel you OP as I was also TTC when my best friend said she was getting married. I - being a clown - said to my DH 'maybe we should pause?' And he looked at me like I was bonkers and said 'why would I have any less lifetime with my child because of a party?' Which I thought was a good point. As it turned out, I was actually already pregnant and didn't end up going to the wedding in the end after all as it was abroad and I had an 11 day old baby at the time. I was the 'honorary remote maid-of-honour'

I never think about the fact I wasn't there now, years later. My friend is totally over it and just imagine if I didn't have my DS because of that. Nonsense.

Back away fast and far. This will only get worse

What about arse! Sorry OP