AIBU to be upset that friend told me I couldn’t get pregnant before her wedding?

[LilyPad11]

My best friend is getting married next December and has asked me and another of our childhood friends to be bridesmaids.

To provide a bit of context I had a really traumatic late miscarriage in august which DF knew about, and I was always open about wanting to TTC again once me and my husband were ready. Fast forward to now and DF asked me to be bridesmaid last week which I was so happy about. I was talking to her today about being worried we would not conceive again or suffer another MC and her only reply was ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’

The wedding is still a year away and I really don’t want to put our TTC plans on hold for that long but I feel like now if I do get pregnant it will be overshadowed by the feeling of disappointing my DF. I really don’t want any bad feelings around this potential pregnancy as I will be so lucky just to carry a healthy baby and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that happiness.

Sorry for the essay but basically AIBU to feel really upset about this situation?

Please do not listen to her! Continue with ttc, not a good friend to ever say that!

She said that after everything you went through? That’s not something anyone should expect from my childhood friends.
ive lost my son in 2020 and I still haven’t fully recovered from it despite having 2 babies afterwards - hope you’re doing okay. This is a huge bridezilla alert. She’s insensitive and very selfish here. Hope you get pregnant and fingers crossed for you. Focus on your health and your priorities in life - to be honest these are the situations where people are showing their true colours IMO and it’s a shame. You should have a think about what you really want, and just let her know that this is a possibility so that at least she can have a back up plan. You don’t OWE anything else.

My friend said this and her sister was pregnant as a bridesmaid and she was not happy then when I got married my friend was pregnant. All was ok at both weddings 💒

Tell her under the circumstances that you would rather pass the flame to someone who can give her the commitment she deserves and you'll be a guest instead.

No dramas.

If she's like this now a year off, there's a chance you won't be friends by the time the wedding comes along. It's not worth it.

Think it would be end of the friendship for me tbh

Good grief - that is not a friend. Live your life I am so sorry for your loss. If you want to ttc do it. You need to live your own life.

I would tell her to fuck right off with that! Having a miscarriage is traumatic as it is and it's not always easy to get pregnant again. Don't put your plans to start your family for anyone. If she was a true friend, she would encourage you not put her own needs before yours.

Sorry for your loss. I’d end the friendship honestly that’s awful

What is this friend like overall? Supportive, kind? Is this a slip in her usual behaviour?

Ask yourself if you are surprised or not if she does turn into a bridezilla. I'd be concerned this could be the start in a long line of ridiculous behaviour.

If it was a joke it was very cruel. If it's truth then I think I'd struggle to not speak my mind in your position.

I hope everything works out for you. TTC after miscarriage is an emotional time. You deserve support and love from your loved ones x

I am a lurker, but this has made me log in and comment as I have a “friend “ like this. How fucking dare she!! You carry on evolving your family!!! P m me if you want to x

100% this

if she brings this up again, get her told

Does she even realise how much upset she would cause you for an entire year - and for what reason?!?!

She does not sound like a friend

I put YABU because I wouldn't pay any attention to your friend's nonsense and ttc whenever suits you, not her

Its understandable youve had an emotional time.

But.

Stop the wet lettucing. Cut this 'friendship', tell your 'friend' why, dont go to wedding/dont see her again.

If you do choose to go to wedding/ maintain friendship then it will be glaringly obvious why this woman has zero respect or compassion for you.

Who the actual fuck does she think she is?

I would ditch the friend. Ask her how she would feel if down the line you told her she can't have a baby until after you. Knowing it may take you some time. To hell with her. If you want to try again you try again.

Sorry for your loss.
She sounds hideous.

Tell her to take her face for a shit.

Bridezilla. Some friend.

You do what you want to with your life. Alterations can always be made.

Obviously it was hurtful. But, was it supposed to be a deadpan joke, which she didn't mean you to take seriously?

"My former best friend is getting married next December and had asked me to be a bridesmaid. I had a really traumatic late miscarriage in August which she knew about and likewise she knew that I am worried I will not conceive again or will suffer another miscarriage. Today she said ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’.

IWNBU to be disgusted with her entitleness and insensitivity, decline to be a bridesmaid, and ditch both the wedding and the friendship and concentrate on building my family with a man who loves me."

There, fixed it for you.

*entitledness

As a side comment, a bridesmaid is traditionally an unattached woman, usually fairly young, who would not be TTC, pregnant, or have children already. A married or otherwise attached woman would be a matron of honour. And thus it'd be perfectly fine for the matron(s) of honour to be pregnant at a wedding. Such as a sister or friend of a similar age. In time gone by this would have been very common e.g. she attends your wedding as a bridesmaid, you attend hers as a matron of honour a little while later, often pregnant or with a baby in tow.

So a very small part of this problem is the modern confusion about what a bridesmaid is and is not, given we don't all stick to these old-fashioned definitions now, and when if and how people get married, and whether they have children before or afterwards, is much broader.

In this case, it's mainly about what she wants her wedding party to look like in the photos, and how well her bridesmaids can attend to her whims without needing to sit down, not drink, and take care of themselves, isn't it? She couldn't give a stuff about you as a person. What a narcissistic bridezilla.

I would decline the bridesmaid invite as you are hoping For a baby! I would cool this friendship and back off gracefully. I wonder how many times she has called the shots in your life?

Just tell her that you would love to be her bridesmaid, but you can't make any promises that you won't be pregnant (or have a newborn) so she would be better off choosing someone else to do the honours.

Isn't having a baby far more important than being a bridesmaid for a selfish cow. She's not your friend .friends don't try to control your reproductive rights,or get angry when you get pregnant, A friend will be happy for you. Tell her to find an alternative,and rid yourself of the worry.