AIBU to be upset that friend told me I couldn’t get pregnant before her wedding?

[LilyPad11]

My best friend is getting married next December and has asked me and another of our childhood friends to be bridesmaids.

To provide a bit of context I had a really traumatic late miscarriage in august which DF knew about, and I was always open about wanting to TTC again once me and my husband were ready. Fast forward to now and DF asked me to be bridesmaid last week which I was so happy about. I was talking to her today about being worried we would not conceive again or suffer another MC and her only reply was ‘you are not allowed to get pregnant before the wedding, I will be really angry with you’

The wedding is still a year away and I really don’t want to put our TTC plans on hold for that long but I feel like now if I do get pregnant it will be overshadowed by the feeling of disappointing my DF. I really don’t want any bad feelings around this potential pregnancy as I will be so lucky just to carry a healthy baby and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that happiness.

Sorry for the essay but basically AIBU to feel really upset about this situation?

My DC did not have a job while in school, we prioritised their education and they have grown up to have a very successful career.

Think this is what you need to tell her. You will find out then if she was joking and is/is not a real friend.

You are NOTbeing unreasonable. What a ridiculous thing for her to say. I’d almost wish fertility problems on her but that would be cruel. Just like she has been to you. Tell her you won’t do it.

Text your heartless friend and say

"Sorry, DH and TTC are my priorities, so to remove all stress for us I've decided not to be your bridesmaid. "

That is an outrageous demand and not something you'd expect from a dear friend. Or, as others have asked, is it a joke....?

What did she say when you told her she was being unreasonable with her request? Maybe I’m just a terrible friend, but I would have had to say “your wedding will have no impact upon when my husband and I are ready to try and conceive again”.

Firstly, so sorry to hear about your miscarriage 💐 .

Secondly, I went to see my GP (when I was 30 and about to get married) because a hip issue I’d had from birth meant I was likely to need a hip replacement. I told the GP my soon to be husband and I were planning to start trying for a baby straight after the wedding but should I put it off until after I’d seen the hip consultant. She said absolutely do not put off trying for a baby and if you’re pregnant when you get seen we’ll just have to delay the x-ray and op until after baby is born.
I actually was pregnant when it came to the appointment and the consultant just told
me to come back in 9 months. If a GP says important surgery is no reason to delay trying for a baby, then no way should you delay for a year for a friend’s wedding!!! Someone needs to have a word with your friend and tell her the world doesn’t revolve around her. I wouldn’t even want to be friends with someone capable of thinking like that!
Good luck with ttc. xx

I had this when I was a bridesmaid. Bridezilla told us it would be unseemly for us to get pregnant and actually kicked one out of the group because she did! She also got huffy with me when I got engaged and suggested I get married the year after as it was ‘her year’. Needless to say the wedding was a nightmare, we stopped being friends and she is now divorced! Run a mile and focus on what is important for you and surrounding yourself with love and positivity. Good luck xx

This. Just take all the pressure off. And letting her know a year in advance will avoid any cost issues or surprises.

She’s appalling.

Sorry for your loss. 🌺

Surely that's a joke? Isn't it .......

Sorry but as someone who suffered multiple miscarriages I’d tell her to stick her bridesmaids dress up her arse; she’s being fucking selfish, a true friend would never put the pressure on you. Good luck sweet with your pregnancy journey just because it’s happened once doesn’t mean it will happen again xx

Was she serious? I can imagine someone saying this tongue-in-cheek (though given your recent experience it seems a little unfeeling), but saying it for real? Do people simply not have even a basic idea about behaviour these days?

I voted YABU because you shouldn't have even given this any headspace. I'd have laughed in her entitled face.

Don’t waste your energy being upset and carry on with your own plans. You can’t put TTC on hold for the sake of her wedding, even more so in how you’ve explained your situation. Hopefully you can put a line between these two totally separate situations and focus on your well-being.

Hopefully one day she will realise what a self absorbed arse she was being and be embarrassed. All the best OP.

Your friends a stupid bitch. I swear I don't know how these people find husbands.

Fuck her. I wouldn’t even bother going to the wedding. This is an out of this world level of self absorption and I hate how uncomfortable she’s made you feel after what you’ve been through.

How awful of her, I'm sorry.

I have to add, I went to a wedding where one of the bridesmaids was heavily pregnant, my god she glowed and was so beautiful.

This is awful. You are not being u reasonable and she is certainly NOT a friend. No true friend would say that xxxx

Let the poor dear be very upset - hope you conceive soon good luck

Sorry for your loss.
If not getting pregnant is a condition of being bridesmaid then I would turn down the role. No way I would put off ttc for a year. She is a heartless bitch and I would also take a break from seeing her.

Not going to lie, I said this to one of my bridesmaids. In hindsight out of the wedding haze I am of course horrified and ashamed that I behaved that way but at that moment I felt like my wedding was the be all and end all and it became my world and made me obviously ridiculously insensitive!! So YANBU to be upset - I was very lucky not to have fertility issues (even though loads of drs over the years have said I would struggle) supporting friends through issues now I would urge you not to delay, if she’s a friend she’ll get over it and if she can’t then tell her to do one. I suspect in a few years if she’s a good person she’ll come crawling back!

p.s my friend luckily laughs it off now

Unless she was joking - and it’s a pretty poor joke in view of your sad and traumatic experience - it’s totally out of order. Explain to her that you want a family and if she’s not on board with this, then you will have to rethink the friendship. I get that her wedding day is important, but it absolutely does not trump your own needs.

This particular "friend" is, in fact, a selfish cow.

My bridesmaid was pregnant at my wedding, just had her dress made a bit bigger for her. She looked beautiful x

I really hope you manage to have a lovely healthy baby very very soon . Stuff the silly bitch, you really don't need her or her rubbish mouth, thoughts, wedding etc.
You, your man and your, very soon I hope, baby are what is important xxx