To be upset that my family ate dinner without me on my birthday?

[Icantsleep3am]

How would you feel if it was your birthday, you worked the whole day, then cleaned the house, did the school run, all the while looking forward to the evening to celebrate, and when you popped out to buy a birthday cake, your husband cooked and ate dinner with the children without waiting for you?

We always celebrate family birthdays with dinner and cake. I never do anything big for myself because my birthday is in the same month as my two children, so never have enough energy left after two birthdays.

But I am so upset come home to find out they already ate. They did not even call me to ask when I was coming! I was out shopping locally and was out for about 1,5-2 hours! I guess it is not the end of the world, but I want to know if AIBU?

I'm sorry your DH prioritised the football over having a family meal with you on your birthday, and hope that your weekend got a lot better, and he managed to make it up to you. I get the impression that you tend to put more effort into making sure he and the kids have good birthday experiences.
I am horrified at the way this thread's gone. What a bunch of nasty hateful posters, who seem to have made things up to suit themselves, been extremely judgemental about every aspect of what you've said, and been rude and obnoxious towards you based on their own twisted version of events. Please ignore them!

I wasn't going to respond as I previously promised, but I feel that I have break my promise.

First of all, thank you to all lovely posters who sent me their birthday wishes, and reached out with kind messages and support. I read every single message, and I can't express how grateful I am to all of you. To all of you, who thought first before they hit the keyboard, and took care to read and understand my post.

I am also grateful to posters who were not on side and didn't agree with me. After all, when I reached MN to ask a question in the moment of dismay, this is what I needed - objective opinion. And I am glad I received an objective opinion, because I needed to see the situation from a different angle.

And then, there was another kind of posters here on MN. People who made assumptions, people with a very narrow view of things, people who posted for entertainment value, people who made personal attack based on their wrongful assumptions.

And to this people, I want to say - please think before you type, as on the other side of the screen there is a real person, with real feelings. There may be a vulnerable person at the point of mental breakdown. Your hurtful comments can tip the boat. I am fine now, but I was at a very low point when I was reading your unprovoked comments. Think before you attack another person, however unknown they are to you, and however anonymous you are. I am a real person, and you are too.

And it wasn't just about the cake, my question. It was about keeping traditions, however hard it is for you. About keeping a semblance of normal life for the sake of my children. They are frightened, and I am too. But I am hell-bent to keep things normal.

My responses are not about my DH anymore, as we resolved the issue, and I am happy. My responses are about the hurtful posts, and those people who judge on the basis on their narrow vision of life they have. If you are one of them - look around - not everyone is the same as you, or has the same life as you do, and if they don't it does not mean anything is wrong with them, and it does mean they don't have valid lives or valid feelings.

Bloomin heck…. It’s not the Oscars! 😂

Op was it your husband whose employer was trying to sack him within days of him telling them he has cancer, as he has to leave work for a family emergency?

Happy birthday OP!
I think he should have called you, but you were gone for a long long time! At dinner time..... surely they were hungry.
I think I would have called, feed the kids, have a snack if I was starving, but wait for my DP to come back for dinner.

@Feef83 What part of my post do you find funny? The part where I called you out?

All of it tbh.

I will bow out and leave you to fester

I have only just read your thread, so am late to the party. What on earth is this post about, talk about wanting the last word. 🙄.

Anyway, when I started reading the first post, I thought of course that your husband was in the wrong, but come on, you disappeared for two hours apparently without any communication! I don’t have a set meal time either, but if my husband disappeared for two hours on his birthday at what is broadly dinner time, I would probably eat without him too. I’d probably also think he was making some kind of passive aggressive / martyish display against me. Why on earth didn’t you discuss what the plan as for dinner, it actually doesn’t take great communication skills to do that, it is very basic.

Unfortunately your oscar acceptance post doesn’t change any view that I had formed prior.

It is kind of funny. ☺️

ok…… so I have since read through every single comment on the thread and yes there are a few nasties!

I have reported my last post to have it removed as I don’t want to cause OP anymore upset right now.

OP I think there was a bit of blame on both sides however that does not matter now as I see all is sorted with your husband which is great!

sorry you didn’t enjoy your birthday, maybe you and your husband could plan another night to have a special dinner either as a family or just the two of you to make up for it. Hope you at least enjoyed the lovely cake! 🎂💐

Dear @PinkSyCo , @Feef83 , @Aprilx , I have a genuine question to all of you?
Could you please tell me which part of my last post do you find so funny? Is it the part where I say thanks to messages of support and appreciate valid points of view?
Or is it the part where I admit I am close to mental breakdown due to the reasons said before (being a wife of c. patient? being currently a sole carer for 3 people? being poor? wanting half an hour of attention in the whole year?)
Please tell me what is funny, cause want like to laugh with you.

Kids aren't going to die if they have to wait an hour or so to eat. The world doesn't have to revolve around children 24/7.

Ok, I was on your side reading the first post but after this I can kind of see why you got a pile-on.

And it wasn't just about the cake, my question. It was about keeping traditions, however hard it is for you. About keeping a semblance of normal life for the sake of my children. They are frightened, and I am too. But I am hell-bent to keep things normal.

Of come on!! ‘Hell-bent’ on keeping things normal and having traditions yet you swanned off for unnecessary groceries? This is very over dramatic.

I don’t think anyone has been trying to make you feel shitty but what you are ‘hell-bent’ on is absolving yourself of any responsibility and blaming your husband on a communication breakdown between you both.
This whole drama could have very, very easily been avoided.
You could have just skipped on the 2 hour wild goose chase for cake in the first place, o gone and came back after the first shop once the cake was proving hard to find or told your DH a time when you left and said ‘let’s have dinner at 7/8/whenever’ and then he knows when to have it ready for.

It’s just something to look at because you might find you end up in these conflicts with your DH often and they really don’t need to be a big upsetting event in the first place.

I hope you enjoyed the rest of your birthday and managed to spend some quality time with your family over the weekend.

I have reread and honestly…. It really is the entire thing from start to finish has me chuckling!

Stamps foot ...ITS MY BIRTHDAY,I WILL HAVE MY SPECIAL CAKE.
Nah ,still can't get over how much importance was given to a damn cake when the man has just had surgery for cancer.
And if it's not about the cake and more about the op needing to feel special on her birthday ,well there's always next year! Grow up ,this has been a drama about nothing. Its been a shit time for you all as a family .but you have just piled some sort of guilt trip on your DH ( to the point he has apologised) which was unnecessary and unfair.
Do I need to repeat,he has just had cancer surgery ,let him be.
In the grand scheme of things ,your birthday this year really should be irrelevant. There will be more .

@gloriawasright please come back to me with the lecture about the self-sacrifice after you have been a wife of c. patient for 12 years.

Depends on the children mine have autism and need they're routines. They're days revolve around meal times they don't understand having to wait for someone else. They also have an underlying health condition which is exasperated by eating meals later as they're blood sugar drop's when they have not eaten for a few hours.



@gloriawasright please come back to me with the lecture about the self-sacrifice after you have been a wife of c. patient for 12 years.
I can promise you that you don't want to go down this road .
Just be thankful that you will have more birthdays to come and hopefully with a healthy cancer free husband.

Sounds like a failure of communication and the World Cup which happens every 4 years.

YABU.

You didn't have to clean the house on your birthday.

And Phileas Fogg circumnavigated the globe in less time than you 'popping out' for cheese cake.

OP seriously don't feed the trolls. There are posters on here who are very much enjoying making you feel more crap every time you engage with them. Hope your weekend was better than your actual birthday and I'm glad to hear you're feeling better now 😊