To be upset that my family ate dinner without me on my birthday?

[Icantsleep3am]

How would you feel if it was your birthday, you worked the whole day, then cleaned the house, did the school run, all the while looking forward to the evening to celebrate, and when you popped out to buy a birthday cake, your husband cooked and ate dinner with the children without waiting for you?

We always celebrate family birthdays with dinner and cake. I never do anything big for myself because my birthday is in the same month as my two children, so never have enough energy left after two birthdays.

But I am so upset come home to find out they already ate. They did not even call me to ask when I was coming! I was out shopping locally and was out for about 1,5-2 hours! I guess it is not the end of the world, but I want to know if AIBU?

Your husband is weird for not contacting you when he decided to cook and serve dinner, even just to let you know he was doing it, or ask what your ETA was. On a normal night that would be odd, on your birthday downright rude. I can't imagine my partner ever treating me like this on my birthday. YANBU. Happy birthday anyway OP I hope your cake was good in the end 🎂

Happy birthday!!

There's no excuse for making you feel taken for granted on your birthday. Your DH should've bought the cake hi self, and there should have been a nice dinner cooked for you. End of.

Oh *icantsleep - you poor thing. I’d have been really hurt too, and would have hoped for more consideration after a week where you’ve been running around after everyone else.
And Mumsnet has turned fucking toxic recently. Really don’t know why people have to snatch the opportunity to make sure someone feels just that little bit worse. You’ve had some really shitty responses. I’m sorry.

Also my DH is absolutely lovely, but can’t cope with birthdays because of childhood trauma, so mine tend to get very overlooked. I used to get quite upset, so know how you feel. These days I buy my own cake, buy myself some extra presents and arrange a nice lunch with my best friend who is v good at spoiling me. You may need to think of things like that. Go out tomorrow and buy yourself a treat. And try not to be too upset by the unkindness on here.

Sorry but that's complete rubbish.
He'd rather continue to hurt you than get therapy for his trauma.

What? Childhood trauma stops him buying you a gift or cake. Cmon now. He physically and mentally can’t bring himself to even go to the shops. ?

Oh behave. Your dp did make an effort. You detailed that.

He didn’t know you were only going to be another 20 minutes. As I said in the first post, he probably should have text you. But you should also have text him. You were the one that ‘popped out’ for ‘cake and cheese’. Why couldn’t you have text ‘can’t get the cake going to try somewhere else’. It’s usual for the persons whose plans change to communicate. Especially if they know someone is preparing a meal.

That’s not perfect communication and no one has said that they are perfect either. No one is suggesting you have to be perfect. But you did play apart in the miscommunication.

The whole ‘ I hate myself’ is huge over reaction. You can do a nice birthday meal, another night. Accepting that you could have done something differently, does mean you are to blame. Why does anyone need to be blamed at all? Sometimes things just happen. No one intends any malice. Just miscommunicated. And to put it all at dhs door is unfair too.

I'm finding this all very strange.

I think it's an experience you can learn from, OP. I'm sorry your birthday was ruined, but it seems to be due to lack of organisation. You need to have a system in place so you don't find you need to pop out for two hours in a train to get milk or a cake- especially if you have food intolerances in the family and can't get things locally and work full time. Winging it won't end well, as you've discovered.

I hope you have a better weekend.

Getting a gift and flowers is someone making an effort. If I’d got someone those things and they were sobbing and saying that was no effort I’d be gutted.

I was sobbing at people’s comments here.
I wouldn’t have cared if he didn’t get me anything, in the circumstances.
All I said I am upset about my family not waiting for me in my birthday.

OP - did you know your husband is a football fan?

It's pretty bare minimum on your partner's birthday...

It's the World Cup, you don't have to be a football fan to want to watch match. Yes it was his wife's birthday, but she'd gone off on a train.

Bare minimum? it's absolutely plenty, it's just a birthday.

How much time did you spend with your family last night?

Maybe you should have talked to each other before you went off shopping? If the children were hungry and your DH had no idea what hat time you'd be back he was right to free them

You sound like a martyr as well sorry

That’s why I’m asking. Because the whole bloody thread seems to be loads of people saying how inconsiderate her DH was.

But… it’s the World Cup. The England kick-off was 7pm. Clearly no one in a household that involves even a slightly fair weather fan is going to be having a sit-down-at-the-table birthday meal between 7-9pm on this particular evening.

OP should have known that, if she knows her DH at all. So regardless of all the cake & cheese shopping, the time taken, or whatever, it’s not that he was just being an arse. He just fed the kids pre-match when she wasn’t home, presumably thinking she knew the match was on at 7pm so therefore no dinner 7-9pm.

Op you’ve had a horrible time here, I’m so sorry. Absolutely no need in the nastiness of some of these messages. I would have been disappointed too, in your shoes. I hope you managed to enjoy your birthday too otherwise 💐

Happy Birthday op. I don't know why there is a pile on. Even if your kids were hungry I would have expected your dh to wait. It's a bit odd that he wanted them to eat without you when the kids were OK to wait. Only you know what he's like normally and if he was just about thoughtless after having a busy week himself.

I'd have dinner together today and tell your dh that actually you were disappointed. See how he responds.

If you had disappeared for two hours I would have cooked and eaten too.

As for your later messages, what a load of hysterical nonsense. For goodness sake grow up.

As much as going out for a couple of hours at dinner time is odd (to me), so is going ahead with eating etc without the birthday person. Why didn't he call you?

Oh FFS!!
He made an effort, got gift, card etc. cooked your dinner, sorted the kids and just had surgery!!!
Can only imagine the responses if genders were reversed!!

You’re still at this? 1500 voted, 85% think YANBU, you’re ignoring that and ‘sobbing at the comments’?

FFS.