To be upset that my family ate dinner without me on my birthday?

[Icantsleep3am]

How would you feel if it was your birthday, you worked the whole day, then cleaned the house, did the school run, all the while looking forward to the evening to celebrate, and when you popped out to buy a birthday cake, your husband cooked and ate dinner with the children without waiting for you?

We always celebrate family birthdays with dinner and cake. I never do anything big for myself because my birthday is in the same month as my two children, so never have enough energy left after two birthdays.

But I am so upset come home to find out they already ate. They did not even call me to ask when I was coming! I was out shopping locally and was out for about 1,5-2 hours! I guess it is not the end of the world, but I want to know if AIBU?

That wasn't my point
If you don't have a car or a nearby shop why would you go out just for cheese and cake at 5.30 pm on your birthday?!

Bloody hell, is there something in the water? Maybe the cost of living is making everyone miserable and aggressive! Some of you are frankly horrible.

I'm sorry your family had dinner without you on your birthday, OP. Buying a card and flowers is very easy; but it's what you do, and the time you take to make someone feel good on their birthday that's important, and that seems to have been a bit lacking this year.

Oh come on - he could have given the kids a snack and waited while his clearly overworked wife was out doing the shopping. What he did was pure mean and not a little nasty.

God, some people on here have been really horrible. OK, it may seem weird for OP to head out at 5.30 for 2 hours on her birthday to go shopping, but people all live differently and this is normal for OP's family, so fine.

Your h should definitely have listened to your dc and waited for you so you could all have tea together.

I'm glad he has apologised and will make it up to you.

YANBU. Despite how much people will try and swing it into YABU - in a normal, reciprocal and - dare I say it - friendly relationship where people like each other and aren't continually trying to point score, it's not normal to eat dinner while your spouse is out, especially on their birthday. Caveat obviously that you normally eat together. All he needed to do was text and say he was going to get dinner on as the kids were hungry or whatever, that he'd leave some for her or that they'd get a bag of chips later on.

I don't understand these people whose relationships just seem to be a series of antagonising instances where every one is fraught all the time.

Wow, there is some nasty trolling on this thread. We might agree with op, we might not, but this level of viscousness is awful.

Well if the children were hungry I wouldn't expect them to wait birthday or not.

Our family have always eaten between 7:30 and 8:30 at the weekend so unlike some posters, I don't think it's at all weird that you were out shopping. It was mean of your DH to not wait but maybe if he has been ill, he is also distracted. It sounds like you both have add lot of stress at the moment.

Let me guess OP

This issue aside… your marriage isn’t a happy one

This Is insane. I can't beleive some of the responses!

I also cannot even imagine my family eating dinner on my birthday without me! Or at least calling to find out how long i'd be.

If the DC were totally starving, DH could have fed them and then waited to eat with OP. But as they have dinner quite late fairly often, and they are not little toddlers, I cannot imagine why they would be. It seems to me that OPs DH cooked it earlier so he could watch the footbal. Its that simple. And thats a really shit reason! Who priortises football above their wifes birthday?

And so what if OP went out for 2 hours and bought cake and other bits. Who cares if she spent an hour ambling around a few shops even, relaxing. Its her birthday! Her DH was getting dinner, kids were looked after, so no need to rush back to cook! And its not like she rocked up at midnight and demanded everyone should have waited! It was 7.30.

OP you are so not being unreasonable. And I'm glad your DH has apologised and hopefully he'll make it up to you. I would be gutted if everyone just went ahead and ate without me on my birthday, especially not even checking when I'd be back.

It's definitely a bit shit but the crux of it is he wanted dinner done and dusted to watch the football. Shame as the football was so rubbish so you could've had a lovely meal just the two of you.

This 💯

@Wetblanket78

it does kids good to wait sometimes

they are not babies

im sure they would have been fine to have a snack and wait then have nice tea later for their mums birthday

@Remaker
@gloriawasright

maybe op just really fancied cake!

it was her birthday she could have what she wanted

her family could have just fit around her for once. It wouldn’t have killed them. I’m sure most of the time it’s the other way round.

Just a final thought .you say you didn't have headspace for things this month,because of all that been going on.
Can you imagine what little headspace your husband has had ? He's been dealing with knowing he has cancer ,and to top it all has had surgery for this cancer.
In those circumstances I would not even have expected nor cared about even getting a card this year .let alone anything else .
yABU .k

We have good relationship.

Perhaps you have convinced yourself of this.

Objectively - this is not what most regard as a “good relationship”

@Feef83 seems my post is giving posters like you a lot of entertainment! I had "psychologists" before trolling my personality and lifestyle and now marriage counsellors.
Thank you!

Ignore the haters OP. You obviously just needed to let off steam after a crappy day. I would also have been pretty pissed off! But then I would have got a takeaway for dinner on my birthday I think you should have a birthday 'do-over' at the weekend for sure and put your feet up

😐

entertainment?

i pointed out that on the basis of this thread - I would say you do not have a “good relationship” and you have responded like this?

This is a strange thread. Some pp are just being nasty to OP.

Maybe OP had a lot going on, and she just wanted some acknowledgement and reassurance from her husband. He could have sent a message asking what time she would be back. But pp here think that having dinner early to give him time to watch football is more important.

OP is the person that has been supporting him and the kids. Maybe she needs some consideration.

For the ones bitching about the time op was out. She needed to go by bus. It's probably 30 mins each direction + waiting times. Sometimes more.

Even if transport was not that long, Im sure a lot of us have been through situations when everything seems to be happening at the same time and we can't think clearly.

Im guilty of taking a long time shopping during the times I was struggling with stress, I was not buying anything, It was a way to help me cope. I never realised how stressed I was but that little bit of time helped me to reset my mental state.

Op, I hope you managed to enjoy the rest of the week.

Take care 💐

It just seems that too much importance was given regarding a cake.
Take the need for the cake out of all this then there would have been no issue.everythjng would have been ok.
Tea would have been eaten together and the night ( and birthday ) wouldn't have been ruined .
I get that the op wanted cake .but to me it just feels like the cake and the length of time wasted trying to find the perfect one ( when I assume there had already been two cakes already that month ) was unnecessary and might have been seen as deliberate ( or subconsciously) deliberate.
And no hate here at all .
It just feels like this could have been avoided.

"I am feeling really under the weather from an operation last week, but my wife has had a busy week with an exam and keeping an eye on me. I feel bad that I haven't been able to get a cake for her so despite feeling like crap I've made an effort to cook our traditional family birthday meal. My wife told me that she was popping round the corner to get a cake while I do dinner. 2 hours later (the shop is 5 mins away) there was absolutely no sign of her with no explanation. My child was starving, and we'd agreed to watch the world cup game we'd been looking forward to together, so we went on with dinner. We just couldn't wait any longer and didn't have any idea just how much longer she'd be from there. I was obviously still up for singing happy birthday with the cake. AIBU to be annoyed that my wife eventually returned after 2 hours only to be angry we'd gone on and eaten?"

This is complete fiction - you have just made things up and ignored the information OP has given - why would you do that, what is the point, you aren't providing balance, you are just going of into some invented nonsense. I despair of AIBU sometimes it is full of the most bizarre unrealistic people ever, people who have no concept of living a long way from shops, not eating at 5.30 or whatever. It is madness.

OP I'm sorry you have been bombarded by people who can't understand that you eat later than they do, who can't understand that you don't have shops as close by as they do, who don't understand that some people have to go further to buy in shops they can afford, who don't read properly that your children weren't starving and in fact asked your Dh to wait for you to return. MN used to be a place that supported women now it is full of misogynistic wifeys who think the menz can do no wrong.

that's what mobile phones are for surely??

What a thoughtless a**hole your husband is. Why wasn’t he out getting the cake? What is wrong with these tossers. I would be upset too. So sorry for you.

OP there are some complete arses on this thread. Ignore them. YADNBU to expect them to wait, especially since you usually do the shopping at that time, and don’t usually have dinner early.

Im glad your OH has realised he’s been a tit.

Personally he wouldn’t have had any of my cake after pulling that shit in my house.

It’s your birthday. It’s your special day. Football or no football!