To be upset that my family ate dinner without me on my birthday?

[Icantsleep3am]

How would you feel if it was your birthday, you worked the whole day, then cleaned the house, did the school run, all the while looking forward to the evening to celebrate, and when you popped out to buy a birthday cake, your husband cooked and ate dinner with the children without waiting for you?

We always celebrate family birthdays with dinner and cake. I never do anything big for myself because my birthday is in the same month as my two children, so never have enough energy left after two birthdays.

But I am so upset come home to find out they already ate. They did not even call me to ask when I was coming! I was out shopping locally and was out for about 1,5-2 hours! I guess it is not the end of the world, but I want to know if AIBU?

.....you bought your own birthday cake?

What the hell has he actually done tl celebrate?

England? Which kicked off at 7 - so you were gone roughly 5 - 7pm? Acceptable to eat then, I think, especially for children. A text giving you a heads up of what time tea would be ready or letting you know they’d eaten would have been useful.

It’s weird that they all ate without you, but equally it’s really weird to ‘nip out’ for two hours over dinner time to buy a birthday cake. Did you go out for a long time on purpose to prove a point or something?

I’m wondering about the ‘popping out for a cake for 2 hours’ thing too

I wanted to buy a cake that everybody would enjoy. Went to special shop, but they did not have what I wanted. Then had to go to a number of shops. Plus DS has dietary allergy.

Kids I can understand.

He could of waited though and ate with you. He sounds like a bit of selfish one though making you buy your own cake!

Yanbu and I’d also be annoyed about having to pop out for my own birthday cake, you husband should have provided that along with a nice birthday meal and let you put your feet up!

One year older but obviously no wiser. So many people vastly underestimate the power of communication to make life so much easier.
YABU.

You were out food shopping for 2 hours over dinnertime, and youre cross that DH fed the kids and put on the World Cup. YABVU

And then he was watching football? There’d be no cake on his birthday.

If it's my birthday I plan the meal (or ask DH to cook) and state what the plans are .. I don't 'assume' people will be sitting around waiting to celebrate with me, particularly if England are playing. I think it's all down to proper communication.... not expecting others to be mind readers.

It’s really coming across like a bit it a martyr moment. 2 hours and multiple specialist shops for a cake?
How old are you children and how late did you expect them to eat if you weren’t back until 7?

Sounds like OP has specific requirements for her cake. In her DHs shoes I'd have let her get it herself rather than be blamed for getting the wrong one.

No, not at all, no point to prove. Took a bit longer than anticipated and I came back a bit later than I thought I would, but it's Friday night, so no school tomorrow. They could have at least ring or text me to ask if I was on the way.

Why didn’t you communicate with dh about how the day was going to pan out timewise? We have that conversation every day about who is going where, what time dinner will be, etc…
Why did he not buy the cake before today? Why did you have to purchase it?

I was going to say you were not unreasonable but you were ages...you can't keep kids waiting long for food. So yabu imo

You could have ordered a cake and collected it yesterday or this morning.

What time did you get back. My daughter would wait till 7 or 8 to eat. If before 6.40. Yanbu. If after yabu re the children eating. Maybe lac k of communication. Happy birthday

I clicked 'you are not being unreasonable' because your family didn't seem to do much to make your birthday special, which must have felt very disappointing and hurtful.

However, why wait until dinnertime to go out and buy a birthday cake? And then take 2 hours rather than making do with something from the first shop.

You could have baked and decorated a cake in the time.

Personally I think you're lucky. I'm not fond of my birthday, my ideal is everyone forgets. Which sadly has only happened once.

Or maybe her husband could have done this?

@Bigbadfish to be fair, DH had a surgery last week. So he couldn't go out to buy a cake. But he did make an effort to get me a card and flowers.

Why didn’t he buy the cake the day before? Who usually does the school run? Why were you cleaning if you didn’t want to?

On the surface of course YANBU but the cake buying saga feels ridiculous. If you’re all so picky why wasn’t this thought of and planned far in advance? You both sound like you’ve been a bit annoying.

Kind of depends if kids are 5 or 15
But your husband is a jerk whatever

YWBU to clean the house on your birthday...