To be upset that my family ate dinner without me on my birthday?

[Icantsleep3am]

How would you feel if it was your birthday, you worked the whole day, then cleaned the house, did the school run, all the while looking forward to the evening to celebrate, and when you popped out to buy a birthday cake, your husband cooked and ate dinner with the children without waiting for you?

We always celebrate family birthdays with dinner and cake. I never do anything big for myself because my birthday is in the same month as my two children, so never have enough energy left after two birthdays.

But I am so upset come home to find out they already ate. They did not even call me to ask when I was coming! I was out shopping locally and was out for about 1,5-2 hours! I guess it is not the end of the world, but I want to know if AIBU?

I will make sure to pass on your commiserations.

Thank you Olive, it’s really nice to have someone on my side!

So sorry to read this. I'll never forget standing in the kitchen crying one Mother's Day - they'd eaten without me too, and not even done a plate for me. Just left a chicken breast on the plate with a piece of foil over it.

It's nice to be spoilt now and again, and sad when you aren't. Start a 'birthday' tradition like we had - night before your birthday your cards and presents are put onto the kitchen table with your cake, when the birthday person got up we always had it for breakfast :)

Oh man. This sounds miserable. And whatever happened to the #bekind movement? It’s died a death it seems. Don’t let the b@stards on this thread get you down OP.
Sorry you had a bit of a rubbish birthday and have been let down by your DP. I would mention it to him and let him make it up to you this weekend. Sending a virtual hug. x

Ooh I'd be delighted that kids are fed and I could have a takeaway by myself later. But YANBU if dinner together what you wanted - you're hardly asking for the moon on a stick are you

God so many dicks on this thread. Happy birthday OP. Hope your weekend goes better than the actual day

I am of two minds here.

I think having a dinner together isn't exaggerated wish. DH cooking it makes it even better.

Going for a cake for 2 hours and delaying the birthday, dinner and family time in general sounds less than optimal.

Had it be me, I'd replace the cake with some token home improvisation. I'm not baking, but some no bake cake, maybe based on biscuits (from the stash the DC with allergies can eat) and fruit... It can be fun and we would've visit bakery the day after or so ...

However when I read that he decided the dinner time so it allowed him to watch football, it sounded like you couldn't win this one, I'm not sure there would be family time even if you weren't off for a cake. And I have little sympathy for that. Football is just a glorified nonsense, he could probably watch it on replay later.

Just to add, it wasn’t just a cake I was getting. I did make it sound it was all about a cake, but it wasn’t. Not drip feeding, just didn’t think of writing about it.
I was also getting milk (the type you can’t buy in the corner shop due to DH’s dietary requirements), fruit and a few other things.

Thank you! I am sobbing my eyes out reading all the posts, I know I am being ridiculous. But I really appreciate all kind words.

Thank you @Langpants !

OP, I can absolutely see how this would happen--you thought he would get dinner together, you'd whirl in with the cake, and then you'd all have a bustling celebratory meal. I'm really sorry it didn't work out that way.

Sometimes having expectations dashed is worse than the actual thing itself, isn't it?

In any case, I hope you get to celebrate yourself in some way this weekend. You've had an insanely busy month, and just getting through it is reason enough to treat yourself.

Happy birthday to you, and may your weekend be filled with a long soaking bath and/or some bubbles to drink.

I haven't read all the comments op but I think there is a be careful what you wish for. As an adult it's basically your job to cheer lead everyone for your birthday. You don't make it a big deal and it isn't.

Yes it would be lovely to be 15 with the wisdom or at hindsight of a 50 year old, but unfortunately time only moves in one direction.

I know so many adults who claim they don't want presents or to do anything and there are two bits that annoy me. Unless you've been through some kind of trauma at this time enjoy ffs. There's so much shit and mundane stuff happening seize the good bits! Remind people, talk about it, plan events, thinks of what you want it's happy nice thing! The other thing that annoys me is it stops the birthday part/ group gifts which normally means you spend more on something you could buy yourself for the most part and you are beholden for the month around your birthday to lunches dinners anything because it's kind of your birthday but you won't call it that.

I normally sort an event and gift and although there is a oh you shouldn't have people are happy because it's nice for people to spoil you for a day!

Say you are annoyed and what you want to do and ask your family to sort on a day of your choosing. Book the day off work, don't do any chores and stop arranging it yourself.

Sorry for the rant but this is something that really irks me and while I realise this might not be true for everyone and some people really don't care but given your post that's clearly not you!

Happy Birthday!
Yes, he was shit for not waiting or at least calling and asking you.
The kids weren't bothered with waiting.
Seems he was more concerned about watching his game.
Very convenient for DH to schedule his I assume elective surgery in the middle of your important exam and 3 birthdays.

You've had a rough
month and you deserve to be treated kindly.

Also sorry happy birthday op what I meant for my post is you deserve a good day it's shit that you to point out and your h sounds likes he's been a dick but unfortunately you have to let him know that this isn't acceptable obviously it's how he responds that should tell if he is a dick or has just acted like one

This reminds me of a recent post by a lady whose DH was leaving the house extremely early to go to work and also did things like forgetting to buy her food as she had food allergies etc. but her kids were younger.

Happy birthday for yesterday OP. I’m sorry that DH didn’t wait but I hope you had a nice cake at least!

I’d be a bit miffed if he had done it because of the football to be honest.

lots of nasty comments but the poll is in your favour.

happy birthday. I hope next years is better.

Thank you @Benjieandjacksmum !

What part of going shopping after a busy week, before your normal Friday meal time is passive-aggressive? It isn’t out of habit for me to do grocery shopping on Friday evening. It normally takes me about this time (1,5-2hours) to do the shopping. Shopping today wasn’t only for cake, but other stuff for family too. Weekends are not less busy for us.

Nobody is playing martyr or self-sacrificing pp here, just stating the facts. And the facts of cleaning etc were not the point of my post, and I didn’t say I resented it.

You seem to be enjoying it all, such a sarcasm! Judging people without even knowing circumstances. Hope you will never be on the receiving end.

YABU, he said he would make pasta, once started that pretty much puts a time limit on how long you can be. If you were 'popping out' I would factor on journey time x2 + 10 minsm whereas it seems to visited a number of shops, looked around etc etc. YABU.

To satisfy your curiosity, I bought a cheap cheesecake from a supermarket. Plus fruit and milk for DH, which was also on my shopping list.

It’s currently 86% YANBU. What the hell are you sobbing about? That it’s not unanimous?

You are fixating on the people who disagree with you instead of acknowledging that the overwhelming majority are on your side. It’s extremely silly and self indulgent behaviour. And I say this as someone who was in the YANBU camp.

@Tsort , to be honest I don’t know how to check the poll. I wasn’t even aware you could see the poll. I was just reading and getting upset by the comments. How do I check the poll?

Vote. Click on YABU or YANBU and vote. The results will then show.