To be upset that my family ate dinner without me on my birthday?

[Icantsleep3am]

How would you feel if it was your birthday, you worked the whole day, then cleaned the house, did the school run, all the while looking forward to the evening to celebrate, and when you popped out to buy a birthday cake, your husband cooked and ate dinner with the children without waiting for you?

We always celebrate family birthdays with dinner and cake. I never do anything big for myself because my birthday is in the same month as my two children, so never have enough energy left after two birthdays.

But I am so upset come home to find out they already ate. They did not even call me to ask when I was coming! I was out shopping locally and was out for about 1,5-2 hours! I guess it is not the end of the world, but I want to know if AIBU?

That's really mean of him. Why did he do that?

Oh bless you.
Happy birthday

YANBU I'd be furious. Did you at least get prezzies and cards? I hope so. Or I'd be sticking pins in his shoes for weeks.

I don’t know, I’m torn on this. You were gone for ages. Maybe the kids were hungry.

I can maybe understand why your kids ate if you were out over their dinner today but I don't understand your husband's actions at all

I'd be fuming I had to buy the birthday cake too! YANBU he could have waited even if the children needed to eat.
Happy Birthday OP!

It does seem very unkind and thoughtless, BUT there's a bit of a difference between "popping out for a cake" and a 1-2 hour shopping trip.

Was there not any discussion or communication about what was for dinner, and who would be cooking it, before you went out?

You went out to get a cake and were gone for two hours?? How much later than your usual dinner time did you get back?

I would be furious and would be sending him out to get me a birthday takeaway right away.

1.5 to 2 hrs can be a long time for a hungry child.

That's really shit but sounds like a lack of communication. 2 hours to nip for a birthday cake?

2 hours?! For a cake?

Your husband is a twat.

I'd be fuming that I had to buy my own cake! And yes, eating without you was horrible.

What did he say when you challenged him on it?

Happy Birthday OP
But you were out for almost 2 hours? I might have gone ahead and fed the kids too.
Tell dh how you feel. Do a birthday dinner at the weekend 💐

It sounds pretty mean but what was the timeline? Did your DH cook expecting you to be home? Did they know how long you would be?

there's a bit of a difference between "popping out for a cake" and a 1-2 hour shopping trip

This is a fair point though. What time did you get back? Was it well after normal dinnertime?

It’s a bummer that you had to buy your own cake! Surely, if it was your birthday, he should have bought it?

What time was it?

1.5-2 hours isn't popping out for a birthday cake though is it. Was he being passive aggressively pissed off at how long you'd been out shopping?

Did you tell him how long you would be gone or mention anything about dinner before you went?

Thank you! And yes, I did get presents and a card.

2 hours is a long time to pop out for though

Him feeding the kids is not BU if they’re young. Him eating with them without you is VVVU.

I guess he wanted to watch football. He was watching football when I came home.

Or was the OP passively aggressively doing the big shop on her birthday (despite the fact it could wait a day) to prove how much work she's had to do? Could go both ways.