To be upset that my family ate dinner without me on my birthday?

[Icantsleep3am]

How would you feel if it was your birthday, you worked the whole day, then cleaned the house, did the school run, all the while looking forward to the evening to celebrate, and when you popped out to buy a birthday cake, your husband cooked and ate dinner with the children without waiting for you?

We always celebrate family birthdays with dinner and cake. I never do anything big for myself because my birthday is in the same month as my two children, so never have enough energy left after two birthdays.

But I am so upset come home to find out they already ate. They did not even call me to ask when I was coming! I was out shopping locally and was out for about 1,5-2 hours! I guess it is not the end of the world, but I want to know if AIBU?

I think of you knew he was coming pasta then YABU as you were then gone 2 hours so it would have been ready over 90 minutes and not improving!

cooking pasta

Exactly. The thread from the other side of this would have people echoing cries of LTB and wtf why didn't the phone and at least 2 or 3 saying he's having an affair.

Then their father could have given them a snack or a salad until mum got home. I doubt they'd have perished by waiting for her.

I'd be curbing my effort on all of their future birthdays, OP. Let them learn what it feels like to have no special birthday dinner or celebration.

Thank you everyone for your messages.
I assumed he would wait for me, considering it was my birthday, or call me to say they couldn't wait any longer. That's the whole point I am making. I did not call myself because I assumed he was still cooking.
DC said they had asked him to wait, but he insisted they ate.

DC said they had asked him to wait, but he insisted they ate.

Good on him. He's their parent too and he made a sensible decision given he had absolutely no clue when you'd return. If you didn't get back until 8 or even later you'd be moaning he hadn't bothered to feed them and was expecting you to do everything.

Having read your drip feed, yabu.

In future, order a Tesco shop to be delivered the night before and include cake, wine, pizza/meal deal whatever.

Sorry but no way would I expect my family to wait for dinner for 2 hours whilst I was out with no communication. And 7:30 is late for kids to start eating, even the 12 year old, their day started 12 hours prior.

Your posts are coming across a bit woe is me imo.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune thank you for your kind message! It really means a lot for me!

@Womanconflicted , why is it a drip-feed? I am answering the questions other posters ask here, do you really expect every poster to tell their whole life story to ask a simple question?

I think you are being unfair. You were gone a very long time. I would be very annoyed if my husband disappeared for hours and left me waiting hungry when I had just got dinner ready.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune

I'd be curbing my effort on all of their future birthdays

You would curb your efforts for your 7 year olds birthday because they ate their dinner? Holy moly

You can't possibly have thought he was still cooking pasta for 2 hours. You just can't.

Happy Birthday OP! 🎂🥳🎉🎈🎁

I think it's very strange your husband didn't even message you to find out why you were taking so long and ask if it was okay to carry on with dinner without you. It would have taken a minute to call you. Very thoughtless.

You've had a stressful week, there's no way 2hr trip for cake was going to help, you sound overwrought and in need of a restful weekend.

I would have fed the kids, and eaten with you in your DPs shoes.

Initially thought they were unreasonable but then saw you took 2 hrs to buy a cake!!

Your DH said he’d cook pasta, you told him you were going to get ‘cake & cheese’ - he probably thought you’d be half an hour.

Maybe next time better communication or planning is required.

What pasta dish as he doing that took 2 hours? And how did he make it so much faster than you expected?

You should have called. You nipped out for a cheese and a cake, while he made dinner. You were gone far longer than expected.

Why would phoning you, while you were driving around to say ‘we are eating as you have been gone ages and we can’t wait’ make you feel better?

You buggered off for 2 hours rather than spending the evening with your dc??? I’m sorry but I think you’re unreasonable and if I was your dh I’d take the hint you didn’t want special family time.

I would have expected you to be 30 mins, max. I'd have started prepping dinner just before 6, and had it ready for half 6. I'd have tried to keep it warm for 15 mins or so, but by 6:45 I'd just think "fuck it" and serve up.

That. If someone said they were just popping out for cake and cheese, I'd expect them to be half an hour, max. So I'd start cooking the meal we'd just agreed on.
Pasta doesn't keep well once cooked, the kids would be hungry and the 7 year old would presumbly not be up for much longer.

Personally I think it's your DH who should be annoyed. It's down to the person who's changed the plan to get in contact. You told him you were popping out, you decided to be MUCH longer, so you should have been the one communicating.

OP knew he was cooking pasta, which does not take long. Why should he message her?

Happy birthday op.

I thought at first your DH was being a prick, but given it was an England World Cup game, and you’ve all had a complicated week, you probably should have skipped the shopping trip this evening and had cake at the weekend instead. I think you overcomplicated the evening and then he was a bit impatient. Maybe you have a tendency to make things more complicated than they need to be and it winds him up?

But before this evening he should have reminded you about the game and made it clear he wanted to watch it tonight so that’s on him. Maybe all have a nice meal for your birthday tomorrow instead.

If you were out until 7.30pm and didn’t call to say you were delayed, then I do understand it. It’s a bit shit that he didn’t arrange a cake (you can buy them online!!) or call you to check re dinner, but it’s not as bad as if you had popped out for like 15 mins.

Because unless he had started the pasta before she left, it would take 2 mins to ring and be like "I really want to get started on dinner, are you going to be home in time?" rather than just doing it without checking, especially as the OP had said she would have the pasta.

Had it been my DH, he probably would have checked to make sure I was okay because he knows I wouldn't let much stand in the way of me and pasta (not even cake) so he definitely would have checked on my whereabouts if I was gone longer than expected.

I would just give up now if you are hoping for an understanding post from our friends on mumsnet this evening. Not an empathetic thought between the vast amount posting tonight. I'm so sorry you've had such a miserable time. You should not have to tell your husband you would like to eat together as a family on your birthday. He should have had it all planned out. Can you imagine the cries of distress if the tables were turned and he came home to no celebration! It doesn't even need to be expensive just feeling loved and appreciated would be a start. I hope your weekend improves Happy Birthday! 🎂

I'd be annoyed at you if I was your husband. He's cooking you a meal and you nip out to do something that should take about 20mins but then you vanish for 2 hours without messaging or calling him.

it would take 2 mins to ring and be like "I really want to get started on dinner, are you going to be home in time?"

Equally though it would have taken the OP just as much time to call and let him know what was going on.

I don't think anyone would reasonably expect their partner to be 2 hours when they only nipped out for cake and cheese so most people would have started the food after approximately 30 minutes assuming the OP would have been on her way back pretty soon.