To be upset that my family ate dinner without me on my birthday?

[Icantsleep3am]

How would you feel if it was your birthday, you worked the whole day, then cleaned the house, did the school run, all the while looking forward to the evening to celebrate, and when you popped out to buy a birthday cake, your husband cooked and ate dinner with the children without waiting for you?

We always celebrate family birthdays with dinner and cake. I never do anything big for myself because my birthday is in the same month as my two children, so never have enough energy left after two birthdays.

But I am so upset come home to find out they already ate. They did not even call me to ask when I was coming! I was out shopping locally and was out for about 1,5-2 hours! I guess it is not the end of the world, but I want to know if AIBU?

Happy birthday, but sorry, YABU.

How late does your seven-year-old go to bed of they're not realistically eating until 8pm?! Also, they would have likely eaten a small portion of lunch at school at near enough 12pm... Do you expect them to go eight hours without a proper meal?!

And just because they don't have to get up early tomorrow, doesn't mean they won't be tired. I often find Fridays are the worst as they've had a busy week at school.

My six-year-old was asleep at 7pm tonight, having eaten dinner nearly two hours previously! No way would she have been in a fit state to wait until 8pm for food, let alone bed!

I actually think this might be a reverse.. Or something else 🤔

and when you popped out to buy a birthday cake, your husband cooked and ate dinner with the children without waiting for you?

You didn't 'pop out' you were TWO HOURS! Why on earth would you spend two hours at the shop on your birthday evening? I honestly don't 'get' any of this. presumably the kids were getting hungry, and I imagine were disappointed themselves that you stayed out for so long when they had a birthday to celebrate with you.

What a waste of your evening! Could you not just have had this specialist cake tomorrow? It's not really his fault that you've chosen to go shopping rather rhan have dinner with your family.

I would have expected you to be 30 mins, max. I'd have started prepping dinner just before 6, and had it ready for half 6. I'd have tried to keep it warm for 15 mins or so, but by 6:45 I'd just think "fuck it" and serve up.

YABU

Happy Birthversary.
(sorry, you only have one birthday, the rest are anniversaries of your birthday)

I know, I know... There's always one. 🤣

💐💐💐💐

Personally if I hadn’t of gotten home until 7:30 then I would have expected the child to have eaten, your DH should have waited to eat with you though.
I hope you enjoy your cake together and enjoy the rest of your birthday! It sounds like you’ve been extremely busy so you really deserve a rest over the weekend!

YANBU do sweet FA for his birthday.

Are there dietary requirements that caused such a specific cake? I just can't believe it's in any way a good use of a Friday night to spend 2 hours buying a cake? Surely the important thing is being together and the cake is purely symbolic, especially if you are an adult. Sorry, and i hope you have enjoyed some of the evening, but I think YABU.

It went like this. Me: "I am going to go to the shop to buy something for dinner". DH "Oh don't worry, I will cook pasta" Me: "Ok, pasta is good, I will just buy cake and cheese. DH: "Ok"

It sounds like he thought you were happy for him to cook and feed the DCs.

I would definitely have started putting dinner on whilst you were out and then if it was ready because you were taking a while then I would have eaten my part.

This wasn’t done intentionally to hurt you so draw a line in the sand and move on and enjoy your birthday :)

YABU. You were 2 hours. If your husband didn't know when you'd be back, he's right to eat. 7:30 is late for children to eat when they've been at school all day.

I think you were selfish to expect your kids to wait until 7.30 for dinner on a school day. You should have got yourself a cake yesterday if it was that important to you.

With the updates OP, YABU

alternative thread from your DH;

"I cooked my wife dinner this evening for her birthday but she "popped" to the shops for TWO HOURS.

Is she cheating on me? Myself and the DC sadly ate dinner without her."

Happy birthday!

But I think you are annoyed about him getting the dinner out in time to watch the footie. I don’t think it’s a massive crime when you spent two hours buying cake and cheese.

@PinkSyCo

its not a school night is it though
it’s a Friday night

How horrible OP. He could have given the kids a small snack to tide them over. Nobody died from waiting a bit longer. I’d be so upset.

Personally I think 7:30pm is late to eat for DC. If you've been so busy all week then I think being at home with your family during the evening trumped having a cake. You could have baked one in half an hour, and then stuck a candle in it.

Did your DH knew when you'd be back? Pasta takes 10 mins, and if you hadn't returned home after he'd cooked it, I totally get why he fed the DC. If he'd waited until you came back to cook it would have been nearly 8pm by the time you all sat down at the table.

The whole thing is bonkers. Wheat time did you start work to do the school run & clean the house after work?

Yeah I also think you’re being unreasonable and quire selfish, getting home at 7.30 and expecting a 7 year old to be sitting there hungry isn’t ok. And you said it was fine for your husband to make pasta, I doubt anyone would think they should all just sit there hungry waiting for you to come home.

I’d be upset and angry if that happened to me. I’d have put the cake in the bin and buggered off to bed.

Well it’s a school day because they will have been at school all day. They might shift everything later on a weekend but they will have had lunch at normal time today so 7:30 is a long gap.

I don't know why everyone is being so mean, OP.

7:30 is hardly the middle of the night. If your kids were desperate for your dinner, your husband could have served them and then had the courtesy to wait for you, seeing as it's your birthday. I don't blame you for being irritated.

I think YABU, unless you let them know you’d be back at 7:30.

Blimey .

Why should they have to wait 1.5/2 hours to eat!

Why voila t you have got the cake the day before if sitting down together to eat on your birthday was so important to you?

They were at school today though, where they probably had lunch at noon so would have been starving by 7.30. The 7 year old maybe starting to get tired too. It’s not fair to keep your kids waiting unnecessarily, even if it is your birthday.

Look at from the other side

‘Dps birthday today. I have had an operation so could go out and sort a cake etc, which he understood. But did get him a present and card. At 5.30 he said he was going out to buy something for dinner. I told him I had dinner planned and he said ‘great I will grab a cake and cheese’. He left and I started cooking dinner. We waited but he didn’t turn up for 2 hours. After an hour and a half, we ate as we didn’t know what was going on. Now he is in a mood’