Would you tell whole school year your child is autistic?

[thegreentree]

Apologies if I've not quite used the right language around this but... DS attends a mainstream school, he is in reception and has an autism diagnosis.

This is more of a WWYD than an AIBU but DH and I a trying to figure out what would be best for DS...

• To wait until DS is old enough to understand he has ASD, and can choose who he wants to tell?

OR

• To let parents know now so they can hopefully explain to their DC why DS is different? And hopefully act in a more understanding way towards him.

DS is bright but I can see he is struggling socially at school. I'm increasingly starting to feel like it would be good to tell parents (we have an active all year what's app group that I would probably share it on). Just to give everyone some perspective/insight to why DS is a bit different, and to hopefully encourage their kids to be a bit kinder?

I don't know if this is naive. And once disclosed I can't take it back. I would be devastated if DS as he got older hated me for sharing this info about him so widely.

WWYD?

My 6 year old got diagnosed recently, we haven't told them and would definitely not tell their whole class. A 6 year old wouldn't understand what autism means, so a 4 year definitely wouldn't.

I've been the parent of a play date gone badly, because the mother failed to inform me, that her daughter has autism. Afterwards I told her that, "I wish you'd told me, as I would have handled it all differently." My kids were super confused, I had to explain it all them afterwards. They understood, and become more tolerant.

You really shouldn't have said that to her. It isn't up to you whether she tells you or not. Poor woman.

No a 4yo doesn't understand but they can be helped understand that some boys and girls find it harder to learn or sit still and they need a bit of extra help and that it's not nice to laugh or to say unkind things about them 🤷‍♂️

That's an interesting one. What happened and how did you handle it? I can see your point BTW.

I once told a parent my son was struggling with tidy up time as I made small talk in the playground. Her response was doesn’t he tidy up at home? Her son was later diagnosed with adhd.
Another I apologised for something my son did while walking home which was an accident anyway and she said that’s no excuse as her child is autistic. I didn’t mean it as an excuse.
Another parent confronted me and I explained and apologised. Due to a language barrier I do t even think she knew what autism was or cared.
At the age of 5 my son wouldn’t have understood what autism was. Thankfully the kids were good with him. The girls tended to baby him. Unfortunately it was the older years that were picking on him at lunch so by that logic no a year group text wouldn’t work.

Exactly this. It's helpful.
But I still don't think OP needs to announce it to the whole school vis whatsapp.

My daughter is currently being assessed and I have told some close friends and relatives but not our parents. Some people will be helpful and some won't and some will be downright judgemental and difficult and I'm trying to only tell the helpful ones.

@mikado1 It's good that you have only seen understanding for children with SEN.

My son's experience of his Autism is one of discrimination and victimisation from a school who should have been supporting him, who should have had the relevant knowledge and understanding that they said they did, if they had admitted that they didn't then ds wouldn't have even gone there.
If some of the children in his class hadn't kept on doing things to cause meltdowns (like deliberately screaming in his ears) then maybe things would have been different and if other parents had been more understanding of his difficulties and hadn't tried to get up a petition to get him out then I might have a different opinion.

I don't think the OP should announce it to the whole year group especially as the child doesn't know he has Autism. At the moment it should be on a need to know basis.

That's terrible and so upsetting for you and your son. I'm currently working with 3 autistic dc at the moment and there is no way that treatment would a. happen and b. be tolerated. All 3 are completely different in their needs and thankfully, at the moment, all three are really thriving. So sorry that happened to your ds.

No, I didn't then and I don't now