Do you raise your kids to care about money when it comes to future career and lifestyle?

[iojlrjgi9893]

I have been thinking about what advice I would like to give my kids regarding future jobs and careers - they are both still quite young. Yes, this comes from a position of privilege but has been spurred on my the current financial situation in the UK.

We currently live in London - I went to Oxford, have a PhD and work in academia. I earn ok but clearly not as much as I could be. All of my uni friends are the same - chose not to go into the city and are now on 60-70k in their 40s. They are all in managerial positions but dont seem as interested in chasing promotions or money at any price. Would rather go part time than hit the next salary mile stone. As far as I can tell - we all love what we do and are mainly in the arts, medicine, academia, publishing, think tanks etc.

By contrast, parents at my kids' school and my siblings are quite different and do tend to place a lot of emphasis on material wealth, the next promotion, competitive parenting - making sure you get the next thing, the bigger house, that promotion, become a partner, hit the next milestone. This also translates into how they raise their kids.

When I was younger - I clearly thought that doing something you love that pays less, getting a nice work life balance was better than going into the 'city' (could be anything else) and focusing primarily on the financial side of things. However, now that I have my own kids - and hit 40s - I am beginning to think that maybe my way is not better and actually chasing money and the next promotion, the nicer house and the next best thing is much smarter.

Is it that the world has change and money matters more or that I can grown up so to speak. How do you raise your kids and what do you tell them?

It's not something I will be talking to my kids about, mostly because by the time they are older (currently DD is 4) I fully suspect the world of work as we know it to have collapsed.

With the changes in the World as they are, I expect that due to energy crises, climate change, food networks, the housing market etc to have completely collapsed and people will be fending for themselves as they see fit. I'll be teaching my daughter usable survival skills, foraging, etc to get her through. We are in the process of moving house to a rather remote location to give us the best chance possible, but of course, nothing is guaranteed.

Nope I'm not teaching my kids that money is everything and to keep trying to get the next big thing. That sounds miserable. I encourage them to work hard and find out what they're good at and what they enjoy. I try and teach them not to be arseholes. We live in a cheap area of the country so they can see people around them with a decent standard of living on a reasonably modest wage.

I wouldn't worry about it much, albeit not for the weirdly paranoid reasons of the PP.

Children will take more from what you do than what you say, and on the fairly narrow difference you're talking about (it's not like you are on minimum wage, after all) they'll make their own decision on what they value most based on their own options, passions, skills and life stage.

I think a bit of both. I think it's important that they understand that if they choose, for example, a part time role in a tea room and never progress beyond this then that will have knock on not just in the present but in the future when they are older. A better salary buys more options such as retiring earlier, having a more comfortable retirement with holidays etc compared to a frugal retirement. I think living frugally when young is one thing but when retired, that's a whole different kettle of fish. But there is a balance to be struck because if they pursue a £££ career that they don't enjoy and then god forbid get hit by a bus at 50... what was the point.

I have always told my kids that I don't care what career they have but they have to do something that will sustain them and enable them to live independently in relative comfort.
But also emphasise that 30 - 40 is their maximum earning potential so try to aim for that. A big house is not a great goal., rather have an adequate house and disposal income to enjoy life .

Another academic here. I'm telling my son (12) that he should prioritise doing something that he loves, but if he can find something that also pays well, that's great.

I don't think having a lot of money always makes a better life. I have some friends who work in the City, they have really insane salaries and houses and so on, but they are way more stressed than we are right now with the CoL crisis (because their outgoings are so much higher). One of my parents went for the stable career that paid well and hated her job for years.

I don’t think chasing money would bring happiness and you’re far more likely to do well at a job you enjoy. BUT I would suggest to my children that they should be conscious of working conditions and salary when making a decision. So for example if my DC said they wanted to work with children there is quite a difference in pay and conditions between a paediatrician, a teacher and a nursery worker on minimum wage.

Absolutely. I wouldn't encourage them to keep chasing promotions as you describe in your OP but I do encourage them to think about careers and how much different jobs pay and how much you need to earn to fund different
I dont want my kids to ever be in a position where they are having to choose between heating or eating. I want them to be financially comfortable.

The only advice we gave our kids was to choose careers that

A) they really enjoy and find satisfying and
B) are in such demand they can be pursued pretty much anywhere.

Tbh earning 60-70k in academia, medicine, think tanks, the arts etc sounds pretty high achieving to me!

At 30, I have just made a move into a career where the earning potential is higher, when after graduation I was more focused on finding something interesting in arts/culture/education.

It’s early days but the culture in my new, more corporate environment isn’t more negative or stressful so far, which I was afraid it might be.

I started to think I just think so much of work can be pretty boring, in whatever industry, when you’re doing it everyday. If I can earn more sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours a day with one organisation over another, I probably will. Might say more about me than the world of work though!

I talk to my kids about the need to be able to earn enough money to fund the lifestyle that they want.

But we model quite a modest lifestyle with lots of focus on time together. It isn't about pushing the DC to be high flyers. I just don't want them to stumble into a life they are unhappy with. And, in truth, I hate the idea of them being financially reliant on a male partner, though they probably has something to do with my own childhood experiences of an abusive father and a mother who felt she couldn't leave.

I think your view is skewed somewhat given that £60-70k is still high earning

It’s an interesting question though because I am one of those high earners (6 figs), as is my husband, and now we have children I can’t really say I’m as interested in chasing promotions as I did before. It suddenly seems a bit pointless to be working really hard to pay people to look after your children to work harder to buy stuff and stuff and stuff that you don’t need, to throw it away again and do it all again.

of course I’m speaking from a position of privilege because we have the choice to do it, but I’ll be encouraging my children in to degrees they will enjoy but would be flexible and open doors for them

And… I accept this might be controversial….

But I would always encourage my daughters to have education and career before having children and ensuring they’re financially independent of any partner they have

I definitely appreciate that I do speak from a position of privilege but thats what made me ponder. Me and my cohort all had a choice to go one way or another and were all smart and ambitious whether we became university professors or went to work in the city. My siblings, for example, got same grades at same uni as me but picked pharma over a university career; another the Big 4 over working for the civil service etc. In my circle - the only who dont chase promotions but get paid a lot are techies.

Its funny isn't it - we are conditioned on one hand that money can't buy you happiness but actually - not having to worry about money is so liberating.

I will be talking to my sons about financial security being one of the things to aim for. Unlike a lot of my peers, my immediate family know real poverty. I have always been motivated to earn well and chase a better salary. I like that freedom from worry and choices that having a good salary gives me is huge.

I wouldn’t encourage DS to work in finance/corporate law etc for the money if he had no particular interest in those areas.

I would steer him away from eg zoo work, veterinary nursing etc which are notoriously badly paid, or acting/art which only a tiny number of people are going to be successful at.

I wouldn’t mind if he wanted to doss about for a couple years in a non-career job (DBro was a ski instructor for a couple of years between school and uni), but he’d need to support himself.

Part of what drove DBro back to uni was the realisation he was working hard all summer just to fund working as a snowboard instructor, but if he got a well paying job he could afford to take a couple of ski trips a year and actually enjoy himself on the mountain instead of spending 12 hours a day doing snowplough turns and picking up fallen five year olds.

Yes Totally. My view is if I’m going to work I’m going to do something I’m paid v well for and that I enjoy, but ultimately it’s work. And I want paying as much as possible for every single minute I do,

money doesn’t buy happiness, but neither does an average wage. I never understand this work for the love of it and work,life balance, who the fuck really gets that.

there was an advert a few years back, it was a beautiful house, some decking, I think over looking the sea and it said this is your payment for all those conference calls. And I get that, I don’t want to work the exact same hours to be looking round my run down house wondering if I can afford to heat it.

so yeah too right, study hard when young, go for the high paying profession assuming capable and enjoy it, and yes, money is important. Take your vacations in beautiful places, seethe world on those vacations, live somewhere great and don’t be worrying about bills. Not everyone can achieve it, but yes it’s something I encouraged and still do.

"Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery!"

As @BumbleNova says, not having money worries is enormously liberating.

I think the point was that for a lot of people, you yourself are on the high-earning path.

I'm in academia but make 36K. My husband is on about 20K. So 60-70K for us is a really high salary and I'd be happy if my son ever had a job like this.

I really hope that isn’t controversial! It’s just good financial sense.

I’d say the same to DS, FWIW (and obviously followed that advice myself).

And if you’re wrong, which clearly it’s overwhelmingly likely you are, what skills and work ethic will you encourage?

what chance are you trying to get, survival? Is that why you’re going to live rurally?

money doesn’t buy happiness, but neither does an average wage

Not true

It's perfectly possible to be happy on an average wage (we are)
Living in poverty, not so much, but average wages, sure

@Autumnalleavestime I think thats a very well formulated point of view. Thank you.

@dreamingbohemian I know that 60-70k is not bad. In London, it's just not that much money. In no way do I have to worry about choosing between eating or heating. But I can also see a clear divide between my siblings who can afford three foreign holidays per year, do live in a very nice house in a nice neighbourhood etc.

Well I didn’t want to offend anyone who had children in their early 20s or the very many women who seem to end up very financially depending on their husbands on these boards!

I’m not teaching that money is everything but I am teaching them the value of money and how hard earned it is. Also that it brings choice and freedom in life. I just want them to be happy but unlike in the old days, people are very aware of each other now, what they have and have not. What jobs even exist! My parents wouldn’t have even come across let alone been in a position to advise anything about the vast majority of the good jobs available in this world. We have all that info at our fingertips so I’m not going to dumb down the world to my kids by teaching them that money isn’t important. And that they can be happy in any job they choose. Because that is not actually how the world works. As millions of people realise way too late.