Do you raise your kids to care about money when it comes to future career and lifestyle?

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I have been thinking about what advice I would like to give my kids regarding future jobs and careers - they are both still quite young. Yes, this comes from a position of privilege but has been spurred on my the current financial situation in the UK.

We currently live in London - I went to Oxford, have a PhD and work in academia. I earn ok but clearly not as much as I could be. All of my uni friends are the same - chose not to go into the city and are now on 60-70k in their 40s. They are all in managerial positions but dont seem as interested in chasing promotions or money at any price. Would rather go part time than hit the next salary mile stone. As far as I can tell - we all love what we do and are mainly in the arts, medicine, academia, publishing, think tanks etc.

By contrast, parents at my kids' school and my siblings are quite different and do tend to place a lot of emphasis on material wealth, the next promotion, competitive parenting - making sure you get the next thing, the bigger house, that promotion, become a partner, hit the next milestone. This also translates into how they raise their kids.

When I was younger - I clearly thought that doing something you love that pays less, getting a nice work life balance was better than going into the 'city' (could be anything else) and focusing primarily on the financial side of things. However, now that I have my own kids - and hit 40s - I am beginning to think that maybe my way is not better and actually chasing money and the next promotion, the nicer house and the next best thing is much smarter.

Is it that the world has change and money matters more or that I can grown up so to speak. How do you raise your kids and what do you tell them?

@Vookibooki having lived in a few shitholes I promise you my house gives me SO MUCH happiness. Do you really think people living in damp and squalor aren't miserable? Of course there's a ceiling, but I am much happier now in my better paying, more corporate job with nice house than I was in my "hobby" job, small house, no holidays, because my lifestyle makes me happy, and my lifestyle needs funding 🤷‍♀️

I'll tell them to do what make them happy and not to listen to the bullshit that people sometimes post online.

A house doesn't have to be in London and cost £46746744 though - I often find these threads so focused on being a top earner and having things. I'm perfectly happy in my little semi in the Midlands which I can afford despite my not high earning job - there is a middle ground - having a job that makes you happy and having a modest comfortable life - which is perfectly possible without needing to earn £150k +

@user564576 Ive also lived in leaky moldy shitholes, and i now live in a nice warm comfortable 3bed house. I drive a second hand old car. Shop in Lidl. Work for a charity organisation with issues i deeply care about.

I value my higher education, the salary i get and i honestly dont need 'more'. I always tell my dc that they need to choose a career or profession that makes enough money to get them a nice home, transportation and enough food. But that money isnt the be all and end all.

Hmm. It's a difficult one. We encourage DD to do her best at school because the bits of paper you accumulate are not of intrinsic value of themselves but they do provide more options in life. We were not money orientated ourselves because we had enough to live on and were very happy in our marriage. We pulled together and shared everything and with that attitude from both of us our money seemed to stretch a lot further than some of our friends with similar incomes.
DD saw this but it was all she knew and kind of took it for granted I think that things would work out in a similar way for her.
She did get the bit about working hard and that you should strive for an income which provided reasonably for a more comfortable life.
I wish I had emphasised more about choosing a life partner and how that impacts on every area of life. Her teaching job paya reasonably (by no means mega bucks) but if she had married a man on a similar income (or any income) she and her family would be relatively comfortable.
As it is, her income is just above UC threshold and her husband has mental health problems and hasn't worked at all for 15 years. Being the sole provider, ,keeping the roof over the families head, the food on the table and the ca on the drive ve, while supporting his mental health and holding down a demanding job with no financial help whatsoever makes for a difficult work life balance
Long post to get around to saying, in her growing up years I wish I had said more about choosing a partner who will pull together with you. In the long run I think that is even more important than looking for the big bucks jobs.

I suppose it depends on how materialistic a person is. For example, I have all I need which includes 1 t.v which is a non smart 38" (never felt the need for one in any other room but the lounge), a very basic mobile phone (I have a p.c for anything I need to do online), and a second hand reliable car that gets me from A -B. My home is rented from the HA and I have no desire to own my own home (I can hear the collective MN gasp of horror about that from here), and, although I enjoy a weekend away from time to time, I can take or leave holidays. My job pays enough for me to live on, and have some left over I enjoy it and the hours suit me just fine, but progression and/or a career is not for me. I don't need the stress of it when I'm perfectly happy as I am.

If you were subject to the insecurity of private rentals, the eye watering price per month, the horrendous hoops to jump through to even get a viewing that stop just short of demanding a blood sample, the inability to get any repairs done without serious risk of a S21, you would want to buy a house.

But I'm not. TBH I've never wanted to buy a house....I would have if that was the only option available to me in order to be able to have a roof over my head but I'm fortunate enough to have been given this home so it's not.

Only on MN do you find folk who think £60-£70K each isn't much money.

a tad dramatic no?

I would always say to a young person that nothing is forever. If you get into something that you really don't like then you can find an alternate path. eg one of mine was like this with investment banking - hated it so decided to make a career move fortunately to another lucrative area. He had grown up in a comfortable environment and knew that to do or get the things he grew up with he had to do well at school, Uni etc. Fortunately he has an active and ambitious mind and is now in a well paid job he loves.
Other extended members of our family are not the same - one is working in B and M having given up his Uni after a term. Sadly he is too comfortable in his parents' house but very comfortable in his job which helps with his anxiety. He however can't even afford to move out of his parents' home as he can't afford to on a B and M wage. How can he ever hope to save for a deposit? I would never say to a young person to do a job that they hate for the money but they do have to realise that a decent well paying career brings present and future rewards.

She hasn't "prioritised money" - she has ended up being well rewarded for a job she loves and which she worked hard for.

We went to the City made as much money as we could to set ourselves up - then left. Would definitely recommend that approach.

Of course. I talk to ds's about all these things: doing a job you like, that most people have bits of their job they don't like as much, money and promotions, work-life balance. Changing jobs in later life. Why would you not have these conversations?

@JackandVera exactly. the point is that it could be at any level - thats just my story - i had a clear choice one way or the other and am now rethinking whether I would advise my kids to do the same.

Obviously we dont all have to live in London but my whole family is here, my job is here, support network etc. You could say the same thing at any other financial level especially outside London.

Yes I understand that as I on my own and then with my EX also did years in an area that many people said to me "There's no way I would do that" and it did bring the financial rewards we enjoy now.

Money isn't everything. But those who have had none, will tell you it can dominate your life.

No careers advisor would encourage a secondary school child to follow a path that would leave them permanently struggling.

My Grandpa's motto was - stick to what you know and what you're good at.
I'm not sure if it was also what you love as well.

Obviously one should try your best in all subjects while at school but when it comes to choosing a career it's sound advice.

Having been one of those kids raised to think that the job, salary, house etc was everything I'm now in my 30s deciding to raise my kid the opposite. I've never done anything other than work and save money to spend on the next asset never travelled, done loads of nice things. In one way it's good as I've not been frivolous but I want my kid to grow up with much wider horizons than me. I guess this though comes from a position of privilege because I know I'll always be able to support him and provide a roof over his head. I don't think I'll ever completely change my ways but I am doing it a bit (going term time next year, which my dad thinks is crazy because it's costing me £10k a year - he sees no real value in the time it means I'll spend with my son)

I think I'll be telling DS that money gives you choices but that I would hate for him to be earning a large salary doing something he hated.

I think the main thing I’ll be trying to teach my kids is to save from as young an age as possible, and avoid debt wherever they can.

I know lots would say we’re on a great salary (just over 90k combined) but then I see just as many say that’s not much at all in London. Yet we manage to have a nice enough house, with 2/3 foreign holidays a year and we don’t really have to worry about money at all. I can easily see how with different money habits we could be struggling though

Wow I have never read something so random on mumsnet. Foraging? Surviving? Do you really believe the world as we know it will collapse in the next 15 years based on your DDs age? And you're actually moving to a remote location to facilitate this. Genuinely filled with questions about your point of view,l and I say that as someone seriously looking into emigrating as I feel the UK is going to shit.

It made me think of The Quiet Place movie.

I'm the same age as you OP. I'd encourage my kids to do something they love, and have friends in academia, medicine, arts etc with brilliant careers even though they earn less than a mid 20s lawyer at some city firms. BUT I do think public and private, esp City, pay scales have wildly diverged in our working lifetimes, so I'd want my kids to be cognisant of that.

I had this conversation with dd (18) last night.

She recalls my advice has always been that the ideal career is one you quite like, have a reasonable aptitude for and earns well.

Money doesn’t make you happy. But lack of it, definitely makes people miserable. No point doing something you love, if money problems weigh over your life all the time because you are miserable. No point doing something that earns really well that you can’t stand because you will be miserable.

I think money should be a consideration. Not the be all and end all. But definitely part of the decision. It’s all a balance and considering money isn’t materialistic.

I have been a poorly paid single parent in a job I really liked. Then I moved to a job that’s ok but far better paid and progressed from. It gives me the money to have a warm, safe house over my kids head. I can support dd, a bit at Uni. I can spend my spare time supporting charities. I have just reduced to 4 days to spend more time with ds.

We don’t have loads of material items, we don’t spend fortunes on stuff. Our lives are loads better, overall, because I earn much better though.