Do you raise your kids to care about money when it comes to future career and lifestyle?

[iojlrjgi9893]

I have been thinking about what advice I would like to give my kids regarding future jobs and careers - they are both still quite young. Yes, this comes from a position of privilege but has been spurred on my the current financial situation in the UK.

We currently live in London - I went to Oxford, have a PhD and work in academia. I earn ok but clearly not as much as I could be. All of my uni friends are the same - chose not to go into the city and are now on 60-70k in their 40s. They are all in managerial positions but dont seem as interested in chasing promotions or money at any price. Would rather go part time than hit the next salary mile stone. As far as I can tell - we all love what we do and are mainly in the arts, medicine, academia, publishing, think tanks etc.

By contrast, parents at my kids' school and my siblings are quite different and do tend to place a lot of emphasis on material wealth, the next promotion, competitive parenting - making sure you get the next thing, the bigger house, that promotion, become a partner, hit the next milestone. This also translates into how they raise their kids.

When I was younger - I clearly thought that doing something you love that pays less, getting a nice work life balance was better than going into the 'city' (could be anything else) and focusing primarily on the financial side of things. However, now that I have my own kids - and hit 40s - I am beginning to think that maybe my way is not better and actually chasing money and the next promotion, the nicer house and the next best thing is much smarter.

Is it that the world has change and money matters more or that I can grown up so to speak. How do you raise your kids and what do you tell them?

I had the same experience. They are great, but they live very simply and are happy, but I think the world has got tougher since they were young and just working a basic job doesn't provide enough to be happy. I wish they pushed me more and offered more guidance rather than leaving me to it, because I have little security in old age. I don't blame them, but I think this would have helped.

No - I don't focus on money as the key thing

I value education as a route out of poverty and as a force for change but not that money should be the key driver in career choice.

You could get paid £300 an hour to sit in a dark room and press a button every 30 seconds - you'd go mad within a month but be well paid. You could also get paid £15 an hour to do something that makes you feel fulfilled - and you'd do that for years and be happy.

I'm a careers adviser by profession and have always encouraged my 3 to follow what they love and not what pays the most - one is aiming for the Civil Service/government, one for social work/education and who know what the youngest will be passionate about.

I'm on an okay wage but I love my job, I'm passionate about it and I make small differences to kids lives.

I teach my children to think outside the box. They are both in secondary school and the Careers Advisors throw the usual suspects around as suggestions (trades, admin, art school, medicine, law, social subjects blah blah). I tell my kids that all of the things they enjoy in this world....its someone's job to create that. Don't think small or "obvious", think outsife the box...costume designer for movies, SFX makeup, animator or marketing for video games, nature photographer, sports writer etc. If you enjoy it, why not consider how to make money from it as a career, basically.

I also try to teach them that if you want things, you need to work for it. So, when my kids tell me they want an Audi Q7 and 3 huskies when they're older I say "Cool, you'll need a pretty good job to afford that". They need to realise that they can aim for the stars and want nice things....but they need to back that up with hard work and a high tier role to bankroll it!

Shining your post is intriguing- you are encouraging your sons not to have a partner dependent on them but you were a sahm yourself and did well out of your divorce? Not criticising just seems unusual!

Yes - this is so important. It is so depressing to read over and over about women who have no qualifications, stuck at home with small children and no money…

Not really. Oldest wants to be a music therapist, and maybe do some music performance on the side (they are only 14 though). I haven't broached with them the fact that those won't pay much, although I think they're aware. There's a reasonable amount of money in the family and they're likely to inherit something decent, but probably not until they're in middle age.

It's a bridge that's to cross when you come to it, I guess. I certainly wouldn't want to say to my kids that they should only aim for high paying jobs, but when they're getting towards decisions they may affect careers, I would probably make them aware if they're looking at something without much earning potential.

We discuss money as being important for security, and to give you choices. There is no emphasis on it as being important for happiness or whatever.

They need to know what different things pay, so they can make choices about the lifestyle they want.

I would like them to know as much as possible about the world of work - what jobs there are, what are different sectors of industry, what they pay, what you have to do to get into a particular career ... but then it is up to them to decide what matters to them and what they would enjoy most. It's not though that jobs in the city (in finance, tech or law) are not fun - for the right person, they will be more enjoyable than a career in academia. I went to Oxford and then went on to do a D.Phil., stayed on for more post doc research, went into non profit afterwards - and now I am a stay at home mum as it didn't pay enough to warrant the hassle and childcare costs, and I can't say I am missing my work much. My dh went to Cambridge, did a PhD, went into tech and finance and still works in the city and loves it, earns 20x what I did but would do it without pay (he did while working at 2 start ups, and is planning another go at another start up). So dd and ds are definitely more inspired by dh then by me (I worked ft until oldest dc was 10), and youngest one is planning already to start up a company with him, so we are telling them they will need maths, science and computer science skills for that and they took up coding clubs etc.

I don't think you realise how much you all have already prioritised money. Perhaps you don't "work in the city" but 60-70 k is a decent salary. If you also love what you do then what's the problem? Sounds like you've done ok for yourself.

Loads of people work hard at jobs they don't like for half that money. It's all perspective.

@NellyBarney yes, my experience at the moment - is that it's the techies that still love and earn. Honestly, a lot of generic city professionals that am friends with only do it to afford the holidays and keep talking about retiring but havent yet. A lot of the lawyers also dont seem to love it though at their level of seniority do have more flexibility plus a high income than a lot of other jobs.

No offence but that's not careers advice I'd like my children to have.

Depends what they want. Several of my friends have done as you have and settled for lower paying but more satisfying jobs. A handful of my friends went off into the "city" and earn 7 figures but don't seem any happier.

I was one of those women, a decade ago. Didn’t help that my ex viewed his job as so important that I didn’t need one/shouldn’t want one/etc (older than me). He absolutely could have afforded to fund me through college/Uni, but he wanted me stuck at home.

The idea was reinforced by not just my working class, in poverty SAHMs in my family, but by the middle class, wealthy SAHMs in his family.

I grew up with zero guidance on careers - what are they? Factory work/retail/hair/beauty is what everyone in my immediate and extended family work in. They didn’t have a clue what to do with my straight A grade self, they didn’t have a clue about A Levels or University and my school didn’t offer any advice or guidance either

Within a year of leaving him, I was on an Access course. The following year, doing my UG. I was still broke as fuck, but I was making progress.

He made a sneery comment last month about how I still don’t earn as much as he does, I simply replied with “Not yet, no”, which infuriated him.

Eldest DD said to me “I think what you’ve done is amazing, and I’m so proud of you. But fuck this. Even if I weren’t a lesbian, there’s not a chance I would be doing life backwards like this.”

Money doesn’t make you happy, but it does give you choices. So, it depends on what you want and everyone is different. If you want designer things, a big house and a flash car, then you need to earn enough to give you that lifestyle and certain careers just won’t. If you prefer free time over disposal income, aren’t fussed about house/car etc then you can make different choices, although the current cost of living crisis calls that into question. Personally, I stress the importance of independence….if you want it, you earn it. Don’t rely on anyone else, earn enough to support the lifestyle YOU want and try to understand that the choices you make now, even as teenagers, will affect that.

No offence taken - I am talking about my own children not young people I work with professionally - in my professional life I am always led by their ideas and interests - I never give my own opinion or steer them.

I want my children to be cognisant of what different jobs pay and what is involved in them. Enjoyment by itself is fine but unless you come from money that will help prop you up then it is a perfectly sensible thing to take into account when choosing your path in life.

So you want to be a classroom teacher and don’t want to “chase promotion”? That’s great we need plenty of good teacher. And I certainly it wouldn’t tell people to forget teaching and become a hedge fund manager or whatever just because the pay is better. But go into teaching knowing what what it will pay and what that buys you versus other jobs so you can make a conscious decision that it is the right path.

I would also add that whilst you can also get info easily on what graduate jobs pay, it isn’t as immediately obvious what more senior jobs pay. Data is out there, salary surveys for example, but you have to know what the jobs are and where to look. And as you’ll have seen on 100k threads there are loads of jobs, particularly in the city/higher end financial services that pay very well that were never on the radar as a traditional professional and people who don’t work in those industries would have no idea exists.

I think I have a good answer to this one. I say they should aim for whatever job they want, AS LONG AS they earn enough money to have the life style THEY want. We know penniless artists and super rich business owners, in varying degrees of happiness. If they want their own flat, new iPhones and nice holidays then they better get themselves on the grad scheme in whatever industry they find interesting. If they want to work three days a week and live on the breadline, then they can, it's up to them.

I say that generally all jobs are hard work, .i.e as min wage job stacking shelves is going to be just as hard day to day as a job in the city. Just in a different way. There's no 'easy jobs' so you might as well get well paid for what you do. In the end if a job is 'good' or not is usually all about your manager and not much else.

Dd is 16 and has her first Saturday job on 9.50 hr. I am keen she understands money needs to be earned. I do give pocket money as well. She will enjoy the boardmasters gig next summer having paid for the tickets as well.

I will be encouraging her to keep away from careers that have an absolute ceiling on earnings.

I did think I was a higher earner until I read this thread, now it seems I am just coasting:)

No. I always told DD that as long as she earns enough for what she needs it's up to her to decide on her "wants" and what is needed to get it.

I definitely agree that kids need to know about salaries once you hit mid-level career levels. Lots of entry jobs/graduate scheme pay similar but diverge quite a bit later on. It's quite frustrating that in reality there is sort of a ceiling when it comes to academic jobs. Life is also unpredictable and I guess it seemed like a reasonable career choice years ago.

We are in the extremely fortunate position of being able to buy our two sons houses when they graduate university, thus reducing the pressure on them to get a job that pays $$$ (we live in a high COL area). I want them to be disciplined about their career path, but equally I want them to be passionate about whatever they choose, whether that’s working for a non-profit, running a small business or becoming a portfolio manager.

Parents of DS(11) friend are both in finance and both very money oriented. The friend and his older brother are being pushed hard academically and taught the price, not value, of expensive things. Think driving down the road with a kid in the car who prices every car that passes and judges it based on the price. Nothing is good unless it's expensive.

There's no way this kid could ever choose what he wants to be. No chance of becoming a nurse or paramedic or even a doctor. He's been/being groomed to have a job that pays extremely well. His worth is already inherently being tied to it. I find it heartbreaking, but horses for courses I guess.

And it's true they have an incredible house. Have top notch 4x4s and holidays (plural) that for us would be once in a lifetime things.

But I don't see that they're really happy.

I think it's about getting the balance between having what you need plus enough of what you like, but also having a life outside work.

I also know other millionaires who are penny-pinching and suck the joy out of life by watching spending on most things.

It's not money that makes you happy. It's not the experiences it can buy either. It's a general balance. That can be different for everybody, but once kids are in the picture then overall, you need a bit higher income without ridiculous extra hours at work, and to be happier with materially a bit less.

So I'm encouraging my kids along those lines. Trying to steer them to choosing areas of work that interest them, offer opportunities for advancement and learning. But won't mean sacrificing their lives to the office/work.

And when they point out that the friend has a mahoooooosive TV in his playroom that's bigger than my kids' bedrooms combined, I tell them they can also buy that when they're older, if they work hard at maths and work in finance. It's in their reach, if they want it, it's up to them.

Despite your line of enquiry / pondering your post still reads like you think the school parents are wrong and that you sneer at their attitude to money, so it seems unlikely you'll encourage your children to follow in their footsteps!

No, i would never encourage my kids to get into this mental and literal rat race. There is so much more to life. That house, promotion, status etc is not the real substance that gives you happiness/fullfillment.

DD is applying to do Fine Art at university, so No!