Do you raise your kids to care about money when it comes to future career and lifestyle?

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I have been thinking about what advice I would like to give my kids regarding future jobs and careers - they are both still quite young. Yes, this comes from a position of privilege but has been spurred on my the current financial situation in the UK.

We currently live in London - I went to Oxford, have a PhD and work in academia. I earn ok but clearly not as much as I could be. All of my uni friends are the same - chose not to go into the city and are now on 60-70k in their 40s. They are all in managerial positions but dont seem as interested in chasing promotions or money at any price. Would rather go part time than hit the next salary mile stone. As far as I can tell - we all love what we do and are mainly in the arts, medicine, academia, publishing, think tanks etc.

By contrast, parents at my kids' school and my siblings are quite different and do tend to place a lot of emphasis on material wealth, the next promotion, competitive parenting - making sure you get the next thing, the bigger house, that promotion, become a partner, hit the next milestone. This also translates into how they raise their kids.

When I was younger - I clearly thought that doing something you love that pays less, getting a nice work life balance was better than going into the 'city' (could be anything else) and focusing primarily on the financial side of things. However, now that I have my own kids - and hit 40s - I am beginning to think that maybe my way is not better and actually chasing money and the next promotion, the nicer house and the next best thing is much smarter.

Is it that the world has change and money matters more or that I can grown up so to speak. How do you raise your kids and what do you tell them?

This is hilarious but I can’t actually tell if you’re joking

I also live in London. I still think it's a lot of money, especially if you are both earning around that.

I'm not having a go, I'm just saying that if you encourage your kids to follow the same path as you, they will still have a rather nice life. So I don't think you should worry about it really. It's not like whether you should encourage your kids to be starving artists or something where they could really struggle.

My ds, 14, understands the value of money. He knows that to have the kind of life I provide - occasional skiing, spacious detached house, recent but not flashy car, he needs to achieve a certain level.
At the same time he knows it is important to be happy, and he already knows he does not want to live in a city or work in an office.
For now, he will pursue GCSEs that suit estate management or environment science, and likely to do two science plus maths A'Levels.
Then we'll see where he wants to go from there.

I encourage mine to choose something they like doing but also to earn enough that they can live rather than just exist. It’s stressful with not enough income and I’d hate to see them struggle and not be able to enjoy meals out with friends for example or a weekend away, let alone not being able to pay their bills on what they earn

I think 60-70k is pretty good, even in London. I'd be happy if my children ended up earning that sort of amount.

I think it's important to do a job you enjoy, but I will be upfront with them about the earning potential of certain careers compared to others.

I am encouraging mine to be happy in what they choose but also conscious of salary, I don't want them to scrimping on NMW roles. Money doesn't buy happiness but it buys an easier life. So shoot me down.

I encourage mine to give their best in their education and get as much out of it as they can Being well educated means they then have more doors to choose. If they then choose to work in a coffee shop, that's fine so long as they're happy, but they still have all the tools they need should they want more. Setting the foundations is the bit that really matters.

I think it’s really important that young people understand their options.

I remember once on a “if you earn more than 100k, what do you do?” thread that someone said that they had no idea that some of these jobs existed or that they paid so much. If she’s known, she’d have had something to aim for in school and wouldn’t be stuck in low paid work.

I don’t particularly want my children to aim for a high earning career that they have no interest in, but I do want them to be aware of their options and the choices that are available to them. They also need to understand that the lifestyle they are used to isn’t particularly cheap

I want mine to earn enough to own a house and have private health care if needed. Certainly not flash cars and designer clothes level of wealth.
Although they both wished they could have gone to a private school so I said they'd need to find 20k a year on top if they have children.

DH and I have both chosen work/life balance over chasing top salaries.

But we both earn pretty good-enough salaries which provide the DC with a good standard of living (and they go to a bog standard comprehensive school so are very aware of how lucky they are).

So I wouldn't encourage my DC to chase money. I would however encourage them to chase "enough money". Living in poverty, or watching every penny is not to be recommended

Yes. I was brought up with a very practical non-ambitious attitude, working class family, encouraged to do something I enjoyed but not really encouraged to think about the financial aspects or the lifestyle I wanted from life and how to achieve it. Took me until I was 30 to realise I didn't need to be evangelical or coy about money, that successful people aren't and it's not a "dirty" concept to want to do a job you enjoy AND that pays well. So I slightly retraded into a more lucrative area of my sector and doubled my salary. Still very much enjoy my job, but I do get satisfaction and value from the fact it's paid well too.

So when my son said he wanted to join the RAF, I said great, but have suggested he looks at engineering or cyber security elements for better financial stability and options, obviously not forcefully, it's up to him, but I am trying to get him to think about it, to understand that if he wants the lifestyle we have now (or better!) as an adult, he will need to think about the financial prospects for the careers he's considering.

It's a disservice to children to only encourage them to find what they enjoy, that will only get them so far. You can balance it with security too.

That's an extreme view.

I think this is much more about personality of parents and the culture of their family/social circles than anything to do with 'the times changing' so to speak.

My mum earned well (for someone with no university level qualifications) and worked in a big corporate job. She tried hard to instil in me to choose a career that I loved over money. She hated her job, though she did it for 30 years, because it was well-paid and she was a single parent.

I'm now an academic. I am certainly not wealthy, but I absolutely do earn well above average for the UK. I'm perfectly comfortable. I never pursued any sort of career based on earnings. I knew exactly what I wanted to do from very young, so it was very heart over head, though it's certainly done me well.

Dh started out pursuing a career in a more typically well-earning field (certainly more so than academia). He hated it. After a couple years, he decided to make a complete career change and start a business doing something he loved. It was profitable from the start, but we weren't rolling in it. But he was so much happier. 10 years on, he earns about 5x his previous salary (over £100K a year).

So for both of us, doing something we love has really paid off. We have a lovely big house and are comfortable and pretty much never worry about money (though saying that, we also aren't extravagant, no fancy cars on finance, rarely have a foreign holiday, we mend rather than buy new clothes as much as possible, buy secondhand, etc.). Dc are definitely growing up learning that being happy and doing what you love is more important that money, but also that if you work hard and have the right amount of luck, you can also have both.

That said, I went to a very hothouse sort of school growing up which was very competitive and everyone's mum/dad was a doctor or a solicitor or worked in the City, and a lot of those kids were very stressed. It wasn't a nice environment. I also don't see any evidence that the ones with pushy parents did especially better in life.

I am encouraging trying to find a balance between what you enjoy and earning enough for whatever life it is you want to lead. I am also encouraging my boys to not allow a wife/partner to become financially dependent and to be proactive and as equal as possible when it comes to children. Of course, that also includes looking at how they manage potential illness/disability in either themselves or their children and also redundancy. But it's a fine line between tying up every last penny in insurance premiums and actually enjoying life.

I was a SAHM when my ex walked out. I did well out of the divorce, from a financial perspective at least. My ex has never mentally recovered from it - he considers it unfair and has spent the rest of his life avoiding paying maintenance and generally ducking and diving when it comes to work. It has not been a good look on him. I don't usually like using the word 'bitter' but for him, I'll make an exception.

All I want is for my kids to be happy and we encourage always trying your best ar school , college etc and having part time job
They know things cost money etc but ultimately its up to them how they choose to live their life
Ds19 at uni now had gap year to save and work and ds17 at college , and has part time job
Who knows what they will do but as long as they are happy then i think we have done out job

I taught all my now adult children

1. to prioritise making decent sized pension payments. Retirement seems so far away but it creeps up on you.
2. To try to develop themselves as far as they can academically. To stretch their minds. Not to be afraid to return to learning later in life.
3. To choose an occupation they will be happy in and enjoy because they are likely to be working until they are 70.
4. To buy a house first and leave having children until you can definately afford them.
5. Save for a rainy day. Always have 3 months salary stashed away in case you lose your job.
6. Take out life insurance and critical injury insurance.
7. To ask for help if you need it. Don't be too proud to ask Mum and Step-Dad for help or advise.

@ShirleyPhallus, wow, do you really think the world as we know it will end and we will all need to forage?

I have chosen to not sugar coat life for my son. We don't have a great deal of money, but aren't in debt, however we don't own any assets so materially we are poor. He is very money orientated, so I have told him that life isn't fair and a lot of people in positions of power that earn a lot of money usually get there by who they know as much as how well they did at school, and have emphasised he needs to work harder to be successful.

We also teach the importance of being charitable when you have been successful, and that material wealth doesn't equal happiness, but it does lead to less stress and more options to enjoy life. Just told him the truth really.

It's upto him what he does with that knowledge. I can't push my son too much at home as I don't have time, so hope he manages to find some grit himself.

@Autumnalleavestime plenty of people of average wages are happy we are
And i valued time with my kids over money as money can't buy that
We have holidays and plans for once in a lifetime holidays we have to save for , but then we appreciate it all that more
And finishing at set time each days means we have been there for kids and taken them where they needed with ease.
Money often changes people and not always for the better
Plenty of people are happy and without people doing average jobs who would be collecting your bins etc

I know a few people like this and they all went antivax and removed their kids from school during lockdowns and take them to allp

Also why would anyone encourage their kids to be unhappy , doing a stressful job they don't want or like and then burning out
Also you can have the best paid job in the world and things can still go tits up ,
I think as we are more working class we are more get a job , one you enjoy as its a long time working
And work / life balance is important

All I want is for my kids to be happy

That's how I was raised, but tbh it wasn't very practical and helpful, financial stability is an important part of happiness. I do wish I was challenged a bit by parents to really think through my career choice and what it afforded me outside of work.

Only posted half of what I wrote for some reason. Basically they are very into survival skills, growing food, purifying water etc. I don't know if its a big trend or specific to this homeschooling group.

@caringcarer this all sounds sensible advice
One if my friends son works in a bar but he is saving for a house and will probably have one before my son who is just at uni and be a few years in paying a mortgage before my son even leaves
This lad is sensible with money although on nmW so will still do ok , there lots of ways to go around things
And the fact the OP thinks £60-70 k isn't a lot shows how out if touch mumsnet is really with most when the average is half that

We try to teach our DC that while money doesn’t bring happiness on its own it certainly helps - and a lot of people who say that money isn’t important actually have plenty so it can come from a place of privilege.
We are quite well off and they go/went to Private school (Secondary only so they did mix with a wider range of kids Pre Y7) but we aren’t in the league of some families there.
Luckily it seems not to matter and to be honest there’s not much they want that they don’t have - they aren’t very materialistic though which helps!
DS does want a career that earns well, although at 13 he’s not sure what yet. DD is hoping to do a degree that doesn’t traditionally lead to a well paid job but it’s something interesting that she feels passionate about.
We give to charity and DD has helped me with the street kitchen a few times and they know how privileged they are but I do think that having money can go either way - it can make you complacent about earning it or make you more determined to