To rehome cat because of pressure on marriage

[Freshstillwater]

I’ve posted about this before but I didn’t get many serious replies.

I have been married for nearly a year, and just after our wedding I adopted a cat from a charity. I did talk about this with DH first, there was some eye rolling and ‘if you must’ but it was good humoured.

Nearly a year on and it’s really difficult. The cat had fleas which bit DH, he was pretty annoyed about this. He really doesn’t like the cat, I mean, I knew he wasn’t really into animals but I misread dislike as actual neutrality.

The complaining about the cat is really getting to me, I feel like he’d be happier without the cat and me, tbh.

I am not sure what to do now.

If you don’t want to be with an arsehole partner, don’t be.

Choosing an animal over a relationship is deranged. I hope I never meet anyone like that again.

You've been very patient on this thread.

Indorex is your friend for the fleas. Only thing that got rid of the bastarding things a few years ago and that was even after we’d tried the vet treatment, flea collars and getting pest control out.

No one here can tell you how to fix your relationship or whether you should rehome your cat. Do you love your DH and can you honestly say you want to spend the rest of your life with him? If you do it might be wise to look at rehoming the cat, but if you can’t answer that honestly for yourself then you might be better rehoming DH.

But it is ok to rehome your cat if that’s what you want to do!

Sounds neither of you is happy in your home now.
You "feel like an unwelcome guest ", thought I am not sure why. He is probably miserable, as his home is bitting him.

Sounds like he wasn't on board, but hasn't formulated a veto, maybe was "willing to give it a try" for your sake, and the "try" went wrong.

The cat got to your home through communication error. It isn't cat's fault, but it happened. I don't see much hope for your marriage with the cat being there.

Choosing an animal over a relationship is deranged. I hope I never meet anyone like that again.

I suppose we all see things differently.

For me, I can't imagine anything less attractive than a partner who is presumably a functional adult but wants their feeling prioritised over a helpless creature.

I couldn't bear that level of patheticness

Apologies, I misunderstood! The cat would definitely be better off with someone who would care for it. OP and her husband can then decide what to do about their marriage as it doesn't sound as though the poor cat is the only issue.

i wonder, when people make posts like this, if they realise how hurtful they are to be on the receiving end of.

I have posted in good faith. I have agreed with much of the advice and I have explained countless times that the cat had a vet appointment, that he has been treated, that the house has been treated.

These posts calling me ‘odd’ - Perhaps you’d like to expand on why, on what’s odd about me. As at the moment, it feels like being at school and being called names for no reason other than it’s fun to do so.

You did misunderstand @PinkSparklyPussyCat .

Six hundred fucking pounds is not ‘meh, fleas.’ I don’t think I have ever used ‘meh’ in my life, given I’m an adult who can use words.

Of course, you won’t apologise to ‘oddball’ me. Will you?

Well as I didn't call you an oddball no, I won't be apologising. Oh and I didn't say 'meh, fleas' either.

Firstly speak to a vet about the fleas get that sorted so it is not actually a problem, and continue working with that vet until they are resolved. My sister had a similar issue when she moved into her house. Turned out it wasn’t the cat that was the problem it was an old piece of carpet/rug outside that the cat kept laying on, and reinfecting itself.

Secondly if your marriage is at risk because of a cat, you probably have a lot more problems with in your marriage than the cat having fleas.

Thirdly if you are going to rehome the cat don’t ever get another pet. It’s not fair on them, there will always be problems or issues with pet ownership and if your quick to give up on them then your not the type of person for pet ownership.

Honestly, I would seriously think about it. I’m sure your poor cat senses tensions in the home and would be happier elsewhere. I think you’ve learned you really need to talk things through thoroughly with your DH in future and not get carried away in the excitement. Sorry you’re going through this OP.

OK so I read all your posts but not the replies.

Fleas - I doubt they are around and still biting your dh. Why would they? They have a cat to bite. By now he is probably just imagining it or has developed a histamine reaction to qn original bite or is allergic to the flea spray used. Does he take daily antihistamines to control the itch and has he visited the GP? If not, why not?

Your dh sounds very hard work. I did wonder of he was on the spectrum but you haven't mentioned that so if we say not, he sounds inflexible and like he has issues around hoarding, control, obsessive behaviour and guilt tripping you.

Are you sure you are happy living with him? How long have you been together?

Your cat is elderly and is unlikely to find a new home. If your partner doesn't have the empathy to understand that he's not worth it.

I have ADHD and autistim, ND still have empathy it's just a bit different.

I call bullshit on your cat still having fleas if you can't see them crawling on him. If I can manage to keep my house flea free with 10 pets then I can't see why you're unable to. So it sounds like it's a him problem

As an aside get some indorex from amazon and spray carpets, furniture, all flooring joins, in between floor and skirting board. Do it thoroughly across thr whole house. It will kill any eggs. That was what trumped it for me

Mums net is not a normal place about animals OP I’d leave the thread if I were you. At the end of the day it’s a cat. No normal, sane person would choose and animal over the person their supposed to love.

Bizarre thread, OP, I'm so sorry so many pp are refusing to read what you've actually written! Having multiple vet visits, professional pest control etc IS dealing with the fleas. Fwiw, both my cats are treated but we are still fighting them off and my vet has told me she has seen an explosion of immune fleas this year, possibly due to the hot summer. Indorex has been less effective than usual and it's a constant battle. You CANNOT keep treating the animal, they need a break between treatments, the insecticides are a poison. OP has spent a fortune and hasn't said she will stop.

OP I've lived with a man like this before. He wasn't enthusiastic about the cat but made it seem humorous, but now you know that rather than accepting he did agree and the poor cat is a living creature and to you, family, he'd rather whinge and bitch endlessly (sorry but if he's not showing you fresh bites I don't believe him) until you give in. As you so rightly say, if you rehome the cat, what's next? I think I'd say that to him. Is he TRYING to make you feel like shit?

It sounds like you are unhappy in your marriage....if you hadn't got the cat do you think you'd be happier? ....I doubt it..Best of luck

The children are certainly mine, I have the C section battle scar to prove it

Are they his? The way you talk about being a guest in your marriage and him keeping the same life as before but with a wife to help just gives out a strong impression the kids are not shared.

If they are both of yours, I would rehome the cat and seek counselling for the above. I don't think it's common to feel this displaced as the mother of someone's children, you should be feeling like a partnership, something has gone amiss.

Feeling like a guest in your own home sounds awful and is no way to live.
What happens to make you feel like this?
I wouldn't be getting rid of the cat because it won't fix what sounds like a serious issue. Have you said this to your DH? What did he say? Or if not, what do you think he might say?

It sounds like your DH is itchy for some other reason and is blaming the cat so that you'll get rid of it.
I would get a flea comb and every time your DH claims he is itchy, comb the cat and show him. I am prepared to bet you will find no fleas.

It seems there’s deeper issues here with your husband. Like you compromise a lot and he is quite selfish?

I never understand people who try to treat fleas without seeing a vet.

Frontline, droncit etc all rubbish. Flea collars pointless. Some of these things have limited application as deterrents but they don't get rid of fleas.

The only thing that actually works is bravecta and you need to buy it at the vet

@pd339

in reality I don’t think you would