Am i too old to have a baby?

[rmonroe8]

Obviously i know that biologically once you hit 40 it's classed as old to have baby but many still do with no issues but at what point is it selfish to have a baby?
The reason i'm asking is because i've just hit 43 and want another child with my partner who i have been with for 2 years (i have a 16yo and 7 year old from previous relationships)
Sorry if it sounds like i'm being ridiculous but would it be a struggle having a baby at 43? The thought of being 63 with a 20 year old makes me feel like i'm pushing it abit now. I had my last two at quite average ages so i'm not sure how it would feel this time around, has anyone had any experience having a child in their 40s? Do you regret it?

Physically, you may be too old or you may not be. We're all different. For some, conception is well nigh impossible after 40, for others it happens easily.

Emotionally, you're not too old if you're giving it serious consideration.

However, I'm not sure that's the question that you should be asking yourself, OP. Rather than asking "am I too old" perhaps you should be asking yourself - Is this a sensible thing to do; how secure is my relationship; how would having another baby affect my finances now and in the future; how would it impact on my ability to work now and in the future; how would it impact my existing children, my independence and my future prospects?

Think carefully, as this will be a potentially life-changing decision.

Is that worse than being menopausal with a teenager?
I adopted my D.C. and I was 41 when they were born. They are 6 now and I’m well into perimenopause but managing OK. I reckon it’s easier with a young one not a teen (though others may feel differently).

I do worry about not being around as long as young parents, so that is something to consider seriously.

to then drag everyone back into revolving round a babies schedule.

That would be the biggest issue for me TBH.

My parents were 40 when they had me, and I ended up looking after them as well as my own young children. I envy colleagues and friends who talk about going to visit their parents, as mine have been gone for such a long time now.

Menopausal with 3 teenagers! It's not fun - all those hormones, tears and the little sods never tell me they have used all the tampons/pads so when I get my period (regular as clockwork at 52! thanks to HRT) I also get empty draw rage

It's not much fun at times - don't think a 4-10 year old would be harder

probably hormones OP, do you seriously want to be pregnant, morning sickness, another labour, sleepless nights, weening, potty training, nursery, school pick ups? If you hadn’t been there and done that, I would probably say go for it, but I can’t understand why you would want to go back. But it’s your life, not mine, good luck with whatever you decide.

I'm not sure it's age so much as why do you want another when you have 2 & he has 1?

Isn't that enough?

Just enjoy your relationship. Don’t ruin it with sleep deprivation. 😆
Between you both there are 3 kids. That’s plenty to be cracking on with.
I don’t think you’re too old. I do think you’re in Last Chance Saloon territory and I say that as someone who gave birth at 42. So yeah, it is now or never. But you have to be sure it’s the right thing for everyone, kids too. I know that when I thought about having another baby around 44, my then 15 year old was like, ‘Please no! We need you back in the zone.’ I’d been incredibly sleep deprived for about 3 years following the birth of my youngest and that was really hard. My eldest really needed my support during GCSEs and A levels. If I’d had a baby then, it would have been really difficult.

You see I disagree that you can be deemed “too old” purely because you will hit menopause while your child is lining with you and I think that’s an ignorant and judgemental point of view.

I am peri-menopausal and have an 11 year old DD. I am not diminished as a mother because my body is going through biological changes. I am in good health and have plenty of energy and manage symptoms of the menopause so I fail to see why that could be a negative for my child? Or that it’s anyone else’s business really.

My concern would be more about the fact you are planning a baby with someone you have been with for a relatively short time when you already have children whose applecart will be upended by your having another baby. It’s not an automatic negative but I can’t help wondering if you are thinking it through?

I think I would give it a miss. You guys have three kids between you and have really not been dating very long. It will impact your existing children more than you realise and I just think it’s a little selfish (sorry)

You don't need to have a baby with every man who enters your life. They're not pokemons, you don't have to catch them all.

Yes, too old and the relationship is too fresh.

You clearly weren’t paying attention in your human biology classes. And, yes, I think 43 is too old to parent a child.

I was a first time mother at 43, conceived without difficulty, problem free pregnancy and birth. Haven’t found any of it hard going due to age.

But I don’t think I would have started again if I already had 2 kids. And I could do without the complication of blended family etc. Supporting a 16 yo through GCSEs and A levels with a baby in the house, a middle child to get into secondary, juggling access for DSS, etc. All in the middle of a cost of living crisis.

So circumstances rather than age would put me off.

If the OP is fertile, as plenty of 43 year old women are, then the question does come down to social factors, and it is relevant to ask if men are subject to those factors.

I am 42 and pregnant. It is less likely for you to conceive and carry to term, but I don't see why you should not go for it if it is right for your family.

I'm 42 and I wouldn't. Can't think of anything worse at my age.

I had my first at 20, my last at 39. It’s really hard, I’m knackered, I feel old, freedom feels so far in the distance and I’m worried I’ll be too knackered to enjoy it. There’s nothing romantic about having a baby, it doesn’t cement a relationship, it challenges it. I don’t feel like it’s fair on my older children either, I often wish I could spend more adult time with them

Father's age is not as relevant because:

• they don't have to physically cary and birth the baby

• they are not subject to PND and menopause

• they most likely won't be doing the lion's share of feeding/waking in the night/running around a toddler all day

• they can fuck off and opt out of parenting anytime but the mom is always the one left holding the baby

So asking whether a man would be too old at 43 too is a it of a false equivalence

You must be bloody mad. I bet you'd have the baby then you'd break up. See it on here all the time.

I married my DH when I was 43 and he was 40. He did not have as my children. I had 3. 2 almost grown at 19 and almost 17 and my youngest of 8. We thought long and hard and then decided to foster a child. He has now lived with us for almost 11 years. We made the right decision. He is 16 and I am now 61 and I do get tired more quickly.

Excuse me? You seem to have jumped to conclusions based on a few words.

Exactly. Biologically, I could’ve had a baby at 11 years old. It’s the same for a woman in her late 30s and 40s. There are risks for very young mums and old mums.

My friend’s parents were 40 when they had her. We’re in our mid 20s and she’s worried about her parents whereas I’m not (my parents were early 20s). I know people die at anytime, but statistically you're more likely to die in your 70s/80s. When my friend is 30, her parents will be 70. Meanwhile, my parents will still be in their early 50s.

Personally for me, yes I think 43 is too old. Then again I had both of my DC in my 20s. But it's totally your choice and it's not unheard of to have a baby at that age. MIL had her youngest at 41 and all was well.

So we ignore the quality of sperm declines and can be the cause of miscarriages and disabilities, despite the fact that it’s women who will be the ones left to cope with most of this if the man walks away?

I have a 17 year old, 9 year old, 8 year old and have just had a new baby at 41.

I didn’t ask whether anyone thought I should or not coz it’s none of anyone else’s business. DH and I wanted another kid so another kid we had. I can take my baby to work with me though so I guess I don’t have childcare to worry about. As far as age goes, I’ve had kids in my 20s, 30s and 40s and it’s got easier if anything. I’ve definitely got endless patience now.