Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

[WinnieLovett]

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

Our school do two performances too, but one is for parents/grandparents only, and one is for younger siblings too, so it's odd that kids are "banned" from both - I can understand why they do this though.
It won't do any harm to feed the baby a bit earlier or a bit later as long as there's someone you can leave the baby with

They're not really saying siblings not allowed - they're saying siblings who might cause a disturbance (e.g. toddlers shouting/being louder than usual and babies crying). And it will put off the performers if your baby cries etc but also will distract/irritate the other parents/people who are watching the nativity play without a baby/toddler.

I really can't see how you'd either not flex/experiment with your baby's feeding time or have your DH go to the other appointment. It just smacks of entitlement and not caring about others and just caring about your baby. It's not even as though it's your first baby (PFB syndrome).

I don't think the school are being unreasonable at all.

Reasonable options for either of the two performance options you have been given -

• Feed her early
• Feed her later
• Let your dh go alone
• Leave your dh with a bottle of expressed milk

Unreasonable options -

• Taking a sibling

i feel that in this day and age I shouldn’t be put in this position.

If siblings were allowed it would be a shambles. There firstly wouldn't be enough space for a blanket siblings welcome, there would be multiple babies disturbing the audiences enjoyment and also putting the very young and nervous performers off. It has absolutely nothing to do with "this day and age" and I presume you mean your right to bf.

It is one nativity you will miss. Enjoy your dc coming home and telling you all about it instead.

Not in my kids school it wasn’t

I've managed to get a seat at the parents/grandparents one even though I'm DNephew's auntie - I drop/pick him up a fair bit so they know me.

Honestly OP, don't bring the 4month old. You'll forever be know as the parent who bought the sibling to nativity! Just give baby a top-up feed before you go to the nativity and leave baby with the Dad. He can go to the other showing of the nativity.

Many schools have this rule for a reason and it's their prerogative to have it. Probably because of a history of disruptions and complaints by other parents. I have a feeling you'd rather make a martyr of yourself as an 'excluded mother' than find a realistic solution. Feed baby right before you need to leave or leave a bottle of expressed milk for whoever would be minding the baby for you.

One very good reason to get a bf baby used to taking a bottle of expressed milk.

I bf for 15 months, had to return to work when they were 3 mos old (US no state mat leave). I made sure they would take a bottle. They would never take a bottle from me, but would from their dad or other family/friends.

Over the years I have been involved in primary nativities, there has been a very noticeable change in parental and sibling behaviour. Where once a ‘no photos on social media’ rule was carefully observed, now everyone flouts it (to the extent that it created a safeguarding issue). Parents often refuse to go out with a crying, tantrumming or screaming child. I have been shouted at by a parent because they weren’t allowed to sit in the front rows reserved for performers, and we have had parents leave noisily as soon as their child’s ‘moment’ was over.

I suspect that similar experience has hardened heads’ policies towards siblings over the years.

Get a grip! 😂

There’s a very high chance you won’t be the only breast feeding parent there or at any school nativity for that matter.

Rules are rules and you should respect them.

You either don’t go and stay with baby, or you get a babysitter and feed the baby right before you go.

at the school I went to this was normal in the 90s. I remember one person thought she was above the rules and it caused a stir!

my kids school were generally laid back. I always took Dd along when she was a baby a few years ago and they didn't mind and others did the same.

they have got more strict though as there's been a few events some toddlers just ran riot and babies cried the whole time and parents left them to it. It doesn't really bother me but it was distracting the kids and made it difficult to hear.

they did say that babies/toddlers can go to the afternoon, but not the evening.

they can't make an exception just for you, I'm sure a 4 months old will be fine for a while? Would be different if was a newborn!

My guess is they've had problems in the past with disruptive younger siblings.
It is 30 minutes, and a big deal to the children and their parents. It wouldn't be fair to disrupt them. Let them have their 30 minutes of glory. Do you not remember how it felt to be in a school play OP? Feed before you go, leave a bottle incase of an emergency. Or have whoever is watching them drive them around or walk in pushchair/sling! They'll probably sleep.

I can't believe I just read this! 😂😂😂

Yes they absolutely would stop you in my school and apart from anything else, there's the fire regs to consider in a lot of school halls.

OP I wouldn't give a shit if I was "forever known as the parent who brought a sibling to the nativity".

I mean, WTF?! Wouldn't bother me at all that!

@Dacadactyl It's not selfish for a breastfeeding mum to take her baby to a school performance. Like, AT ALL.

I expect you’d feel differently about that if you’d been practicing songs and lines and actions and positions for weeks and managed to get an unconfident child to deliver their line perfectly in rehearsals, only to watch them forget half of it because someone in their audience is trying to get out of a packed hall carrying a screaming baby right in front of them.

I’m sure if baby started screaming OP would take her out !

What are you on about? Babies are a pain in the arse at things like this and I've had 4 of them and have had no issue about exclusions.

OP - get a sling , take baby (bet nobody notices !!)sit near an exit and then you can go out quickly if baby makes a noise

Absolutely. There's always one special case, then two, then three, then everyone has a reason Schools simply can't win.

Rules have to be absolute for precisely this reason. I know it's upsetting for you, but a crying child (of any age) would upset others, hence the blanket ban.

Surely the priority is the kids doing the performance, not the parents? You want to see it, but if just your DH saw it, if you really can't leave your baby, they would hardly feel abandoned. Far better to let the kids on stage have the best experience.

No @MelchiorsMistress when I brought a baby to a nativity, I did the sensible thing. I got there early, sat at the back by the door with the exit right next to me. That's just common sense. Obviously I'm not advocating the OP sit in the centre front row. I am expecting people to use their common sense.

I can't really see the issue with a breast-feeding babe in arms, but I can imagine the head thinks if she says yes to one, all the entitled CFs will come out of the woodwork.

That ALSO causes a massive distraction, standing up walking in front of people trying to get out of rows to the aisle in eyeline of the performers all while juggling a screaming baby.

It doesnt solve anything, in fact it IS the bloody problem.

There are some really entitled opinions on this thread😂. Breast feeding isn't a gateway into every situation. All four of mine were breastfed and sometimes they just couldn't come along.

I always sat by the door- also babies tend to start fussing a bit not full on screaming so you have time to get out before it gets loud !

I'm so surprised siblings aren't allowed at these kind of things. They always were when I was at school (admittedly a long time ago). I can understand for the evening one but the afternoon surprises me as a lot of parents who can come during the day don't have childcare for younger children.