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Original poster

Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

793 replies

WinnieLovett · 23/11/2022 16:28

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 23/11/2022 17:23

Exactly @MumThyme

Fleabigg · 23/11/2022 17:23

Dacadactyl · 23/11/2022 17:17

I would just ring the school and say "I need to bring the baby because they're breastfed. I intend to come whatever the rules are". I doubt they'd stop you.

I took my son to the play when my DD was in primary because I literally had no one to leave him with. There are going to be people in that situation. The school can't just have a blanket rule.

Honestly I think this is a dick move, the baby will be 4 months old. Breastfeeding isn’t an excuse for your wants to take precedence over everyone else’s for months on end. If there are people who have literally no one else (unlike the OP who has her DH) then they are the ones who need a bit of leeway, not those who are too precious to give a bottle.

Grumpybutfunny · 23/11/2022 17:24

@SleepingStandingUp the other child also needs his mam there and is more likely to remember that mam didn't go vs a baby that will cry then be done with it.

ememem84 · 23/11/2022 17:24

seems to be the norm here too. although one of the parents in DS' class has got wind that dd will be there too and has kicked off because it says no siblings.

dd is in nursery. ds in reception. nursery and reception are both in the play. so.....

the parent is also kicking off because it says that each child will get 2 tickets for the show. and therefore we will have 4 tickets.

forevercooking · 23/11/2022 17:25

WinnieLovett · 23/11/2022 16:35

I could do this but she is not happy usually at these times. I may try and do a test run to see how she is and if I can leave her. My husband can attend the evening to at least he will see it.
i feel that in this day and age I shouldn’t be put in this position.

Why should your baby who may well make a racket trump the hard work of the kids in the nativity and the others parents enjoyment.

Ponderingwindow · 23/11/2022 17:25

In this type of situation I would bring baby and another adult to the event. Feed baby just before the start, hand off to adult, and head inside. Adult and baby wait outside and can text you if baby gets distressed, but will likely be able to manage for what will be at most an hour. Then you will be back and since they are there waiting there is no travel time if baby needs to nurse again.

FrictionDiction · 23/11/2022 17:26

PuttingDownRoots · 23/11/2022 16:35

Unfortunately a crying baby disturbs the nervous kids.

This^ The performance is primarily for the performers

MelchiorsMistress · 23/11/2022 17:27

Dacadactyl · 23/11/2022 17:17

I would just ring the school and say "I need to bring the baby because they're breastfed. I intend to come whatever the rules are". I doubt they'd stop you.

I took my son to the play when my DD was in primary because I literally had no one to leave him with. There are going to be people in that situation. The school can't just have a blanket rule.

Of course they can have a blanket rule, it’s their school, their play, their rules.

My school doesn’t allow siblings but offers parents that can’t come without them the option of going to the dress rehearsal instead. That way they still get to see their child, child gets to be seen by a parent, and no one else is disturbed.

I expect parents will try it on again this year, but years before covid parents were asked to leave if they tried to come in with littler siblings. Word got round, and people knew they would be turned away so it didn’t happen any more. It made a much better experience for the children doing the play when their parents were focussed on them and they weren’t drowned out so we’ll have no problem asking the selfish parents to leave again.

Managinggenzoclock · 23/11/2022 17:27

I have led 15 nativity plays in my time in different contexts and always had the rule that babies & little ones were welcome but if they were upset to quickly take them out. We also recorded (with permission) so that if parents missed something whilst tending to a little one then they could watch it later. When we had children we couldn’t film we just kept them out of shot.
This sounds like headteacher is forgetting the purpose which is not a west end show but children being seen (often for the first time) by their parents.

DWMoosmum · 23/11/2022 17:27

As sad as it is, it applies to most primary schools I'm afraid. Could you not express and ask someone you trust to watch her and feed her?

RyanReno · 23/11/2022 17:27

Mumsnet finest posting again, OP I'm with you on this it's a bit harsh. Never heard of that in all of our local schools, siblings and babies are more than welcome, but it would just be expected to nip outside the doors with them if they are unsettled and making noise x

StarlingC · 23/11/2022 17:27

Surely you just feed the baby 15 minutes before you go? A kids nativity won't be longer than an hour. A 4 month old will be fine being away from you for 1 hour.

WhatToDo999 · 23/11/2022 17:27

This day and age....give over OP. You've got the hump as its easier for you to take your baby to the concert.

Its not about you being "put in this position" its about the school putting the children first who have worked hard on the play (though you'd never tell lol), this is their 30 minutes of fame, let them have it without younger siblings crying, grizzling and generally making it unpleasant for everyone who wants to see their little darlings

NadjaCravensworth · 23/11/2022 17:27

WinnieLovett · 23/11/2022 16:35

I could do this but she is not happy usually at these times. I may try and do a test run to see how she is and if I can leave her. My husband can attend the evening to at least he will see it.
i feel that in this day and age I shouldn’t be put in this position.

I'm not sure why your baby is more important than all the other siblings that parents would like to take?

Adjust your feeding schedule

MassiveSalad22 · 23/11/2022 17:27

Guarantee there will be other kids there interrupting the show as their parents will have disregarded the rules … but really make an effort to not take your DD, then you can sit in judgement of the other inconsiderate parents and have a clear conscience.

mam0918 · 23/11/2022 17:28

ememem84 · 23/11/2022 17:24

seems to be the norm here too. although one of the parents in DS' class has got wind that dd will be there too and has kicked off because it says no siblings.

dd is in nursery. ds in reception. nursery and reception are both in the play. so.....

the parent is also kicking off because it says that each child will get 2 tickets for the show. and therefore we will have 4 tickets.

is the other parent a bit dense? lol.

Of course sibling that are both IN the play can attend.

Himawarigirl · 23/11/2022 17:28

I’m really surprised at these responses, it never even occurred to me that some schools wouldn’t allow siblings. Ours always has and I think part of the joy is the little ones seeing their big brother or sister up there. And so many reception or young primary aged children have toddlers or baby siblings at home so it would create childcare issues for so many people if they weren’t allowed to come.

Fleabigg · 23/11/2022 17:29

Managinggenzoclock · 23/11/2022 17:27

I have led 15 nativity plays in my time in different contexts and always had the rule that babies & little ones were welcome but if they were upset to quickly take them out. We also recorded (with permission) so that if parents missed something whilst tending to a little one then they could watch it later. When we had children we couldn’t film we just kept them out of shot.
This sounds like headteacher is forgetting the purpose which is not a west end show but children being seen (often for the first time) by their parents.

Or maybe the headteacher’s experience is that those babies and toddlers don’t get taken out, so those children who are being seen for the first time by their parents (like mine, and I only have one so this is a one time only thing, I don’t have a spare for a rerun) get their experience spoiled.

MassiveSalad22 · 23/11/2022 17:31

SleepingStandingUp · 23/11/2022 16:32

Tbf bf baby normally beats the ban. I wouldn't demand to bring my 2 yo twins because someone was there with a newborn.

It's crappy OP, can Dad go and film it if allowed? Or at he goes to the evening and see if anyone else can go in the day?

4 months old isn’t newborn is it? Shit I could have milked those newborn days for longer!

Dacadactyl · 23/11/2022 17:32

MelchiorsMistress · 23/11/2022 17:27

Of course they can have a blanket rule, it’s their school, their play, their rules.

My school doesn’t allow siblings but offers parents that can’t come without them the option of going to the dress rehearsal instead. That way they still get to see their child, child gets to be seen by a parent, and no one else is disturbed.

I expect parents will try it on again this year, but years before covid parents were asked to leave if they tried to come in with littler siblings. Word got round, and people knew they would be turned away so it didn’t happen any more. It made a much better experience for the children doing the play when their parents were focussed on them and they weren’t drowned out so we’ll have no problem asking the selfish parents to leave again.

Show quote history

It's not selfish for a breastfeeding mum to take her baby to a school performance. Like, AT ALL.

ememem84 · 23/11/2022 17:32

mam0918 · 23/11/2022 17:28

is the other parent a bit dense? lol.

Of course sibling that are both IN the play can attend.

Show quote history

Seems like it!

Wiluli · 23/11/2022 17:32

I would just go and take her , the head can try and stop me if she wants too but I doubt she would want to drag a parent outside mid performance. What a stupid rule

ilovesushi · 23/11/2022 17:32

Never heard that restriction before though it looks like it is common from this thread. When my two were in primary not very long ago, the audiences were rammed for the nativity with grandparents, siblings, family. I'm sure there was an element of babies crying or toddlers forgetting to sit quietly but it was a festive relaxed environment and I don't think anyone was too bothered. If it's more than a murmur, then parents usually whip them out for a bit. More annoying is parents trying to film and blocking other peoples' view.

EmailAgain · 23/11/2022 17:33

Our school said this …….

Baby in a sling and a big cardigan and nobody noticed on 3 separate occasions and you can bf in slings too if you loosen them a bit

Theydoyaknow · 23/11/2022 17:34

WhatToDo999 · 23/11/2022 17:27

This day and age....give over OP. You've got the hump as its easier for you to take your baby to the concert.

Its not about you being "put in this position" its about the school putting the children first who have worked hard on the play (though you'd never tell lol), this is their 30 minutes of fame, let them have it without younger siblings crying, grizzling and generally making it unpleasant for everyone who wants to see their little darlings

This.

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