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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

793 replies

WinnieLovett · 23/11/2022 16:28

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

OP posts:
nilsmousehammer · 23/11/2022 17:09

The schools that have reached this point of a hard line have usually reached it through bitter experience.

The trouble is that everyone wants the exception, and everyone wants the accommodation of well it's a tiny baby, they cry, they'll be ok in a minute, they're just a toddler exploring, we should be child friendly, but I really want to watch this bit even though my child is screaming or running around or climbing those stairs and about to gain a serious head injury... (that one I witnessed first hand, plus the harrassed staff trying to stop disaster)

It ends up spoiling it for many parents and for all of the children.

Discoh · 23/11/2022 17:09

Also, wouldn't it be nicer for your sons to see their mum in the audience actually paying attention, rather than fussing and feeding the baby?

formulatingAresponse · 23/11/2022 17:11

Surely OP you wouldn't want to put your own needs, the needs of one single person, over all the DC and their parents at the school who have been preparing for this nativity for weeks.

I can't imaging you'd want to ruin it for all those very many people just so you can bring your baby into feed as it's her feeding time

MelchiorsMistress · 23/11/2022 17:11

WinnieLovett · 23/11/2022 16:35

I could do this but she is not happy usually at these times. I may try and do a test run to see how she is and if I can leave her. My husband can attend the evening to at least he will see it.
i feel that in this day and age I shouldn’t be put in this position.

Your selfishness here is astounding! You say your baby is unhappy at these times so you know they’re likely to be noisy. But still, you shouldn’t be put in the position of having to feed your baby a bit earlier or later but infant age children should be put in the position of having to hear your baby or other toddlers cry when they’re doing the performance they’ve been working on for weeks? Other parents should be in the position of not being able to hear their own child to accommodate other childrens noisy siblings? Teachers should be in the position of having their efforts wasted when the nativity is disrupted when your baby cries or you have to leave the room?

The head teacher here is absolutely right. They are prioritising the children that attend their school, as they should. If you as a parent don’t want to prioritise seeing the nativity then that’s up to you, but don’t blame the school for not revolving around your wishes.

piedbeauty · 23/11/2022 17:11

Totally normal. The kids will have worked really hard on their plays and they don't want it spoiled by a crying baby. The number of school plays I've been to where people didn't take their crying kids out 🙄🙄

PaperLanterns · 23/11/2022 17:12

Wow, like the teachers don’t have enough to deal with at this time of year.

It’s a simple choice - go without baby or don’t go and stay with baby.

im sure at 4 months you could do a slightly earlier feed and then top up afterwards. What if you had a medical appointment?

ForestofD · 23/11/2022 17:12

I echo other comments.

My youngest was a camel with one line. Missed the whole thing as child was screaming at top of lungs and parent didn't take them out. OH couldn't come as working but we had absolutely promised her Dad would be able to see her line as I would video it.

Couldn't hear her line at all. Cue much upset.

There's also an unofficial group of Mums I'm part of- if one of us can't make it, we video the line and share it, so parent can see it. For the working parent, that's the chance to see their child and if child is screaming, they miss it.

AriettyHomily · 23/11/2022 17:15

nativity plays are, generally SHIT. If everyone in a class of 32 brings a sibling how does that work in terms of space? When I look back on my now tweens its not nativity plays that I look back on.

Benjispruce4 · 23/11/2022 17:15

At our school we allow babes in arms on the proviso that you’ll take them out if they cry.

2bazookas · 23/11/2022 17:16

Just ask if your baby can audition for the Jesus part. If she cries in the crib, they'll just think "whst great acting".

Seriously. I'd just wear that baby in a sling under a very large coat.

shivawn · 23/11/2022 17:16

Do you need to feed her at exact times every day? I'm sure if you feed her right beforehand she'll be fine for 30 minutes.

MarigoldPetals · 23/11/2022 17:17

I remember trying to watch my kids in their nativity but couldn’t see them because some parents let their toddlers stand up in the pews. Toddlers didn’t watch the performance - just stared back at the people behind them and constantly made noise (yes I do mean constantly throughout the whole thing).
Another time parents let their fidgety pre-schoolers run up to the children performing and get in the way and sit in the stage. Parents of errant pre-schooler thought it was cute but no one else did - they just wanted to see their children and classmates perform.

Dacadactyl · 23/11/2022 17:17

I would just ring the school and say "I need to bring the baby because they're breastfed. I intend to come whatever the rules are". I doubt they'd stop you.

I took my son to the play when my DD was in primary because I literally had no one to leave him with. There are going to be people in that situation. The school can't just have a blanket rule.

Whichwhatnow · 23/11/2022 17:18

Not a nativity but a primary school play in which I was actually given the lead role was absolutely ruined by someone's screaming baby. I was a very shy kid and getting the lead role was a BIG deal for me - the baby just put me off to the point I could barely mumble my lines. I ended up going home and sobbing because my big moment had turned out awful. It may seem inconsequential to you but to the kids on stage it may well be a very big deal.

It's not all about you and your rights, it's about being considerate to others.

mam0918 · 23/11/2022 17:18

Our school not even all parents get in, its first come first served maximum of 2 people per child normally because space is limited they cant be having people bringing prams and older children that are taking up seats etc... plus they are right a crying baby distracts the children.

Its wierd they are doing one at 7pm, what if parents just dont bring their kids back to school? 7pm is when my kids are getting ready for bed.

Dacadactyl · 23/11/2022 17:20

Dacadactyl · 23/11/2022 17:17

I would just ring the school and say "I need to bring the baby because they're breastfed. I intend to come whatever the rules are". I doubt they'd stop you.

I took my son to the play when my DD was in primary because I literally had no one to leave him with. There are going to be people in that situation. The school can't just have a blanket rule.

The caveat with my message here is that you are not a div and don't just sit there interrupting things if the baby is crying.

MaryKristmas · 23/11/2022 17:20

Thing is, if you make a fuss and attend with your baby and then your baby cries and spoils the performance.... 🤷‍♀️

Are you sure you can't leave your baby for what is probably no more than one hour in order to attend? I get that it is a bit annoying, but it is probably doable?

mam0918 · 23/11/2022 17:20

Dacadactyl · 23/11/2022 17:17

I would just ring the school and say "I need to bring the baby because they're breastfed. I intend to come whatever the rules are". I doubt they'd stop you.

I took my son to the play when my DD was in primary because I literally had no one to leave him with. There are going to be people in that situation. The school can't just have a blanket rule.

The school CAN deny access to anyone they want, a rule is a rule for everyone your not more special than others.

Princessbananahamock · 23/11/2022 17:20

But the nativity is about a baby being born. Having little ones there can add to the sounds and smells of the manger a total immersive experience.
why can’t they live stream via a parent portal like teams or something?

Piglet1122 · 23/11/2022 17:21

1 - can you not pump
2 - is your dd able to tell the time
3 - it’s not appropriate for anyone to eat or drink during performances so why is she any different

FatimaHatima · 23/11/2022 17:21

WinnieLovett · 23/11/2022 16:35

I could do this but she is not happy usually at these times. I may try and do a test run to see how she is and if I can leave her. My husband can attend the evening to at least he will see it.
i feel that in this day and age I shouldn’t be put in this position.

Well, I feel like that in this day and age I should be able to see my kids shit without other peoples screaming babies (and they do always seem to be screaming through these things!)
It's half an hour, and you have a co parent. It's not a big deal

Snugglemonkey · 23/11/2022 17:21

I think there should be at least one performance you can take siblings too. That bars lots of people from going, it would me. Our school welcomes everyone.

Dacadactyl · 23/11/2022 17:21

@mam0918 yes I'm sure the school can ban people. I'm saying I doubt they will if OP explains the situation.

FatimaHatima · 23/11/2022 17:22

Dacadactyl · 23/11/2022 17:17

I would just ring the school and say "I need to bring the baby because they're breastfed. I intend to come whatever the rules are". I doubt they'd stop you.

I took my son to the play when my DD was in primary because I literally had no one to leave him with. There are going to be people in that situation. The school can't just have a blanket rule.

I bloody hope they would! The entitlement is strong....

MumThyme · 23/11/2022 17:22

I can't believe how harsh some of these comments are. For the people who agree with the school i think there could still be more kindness here. The first few months of baby is stressful and it sounds like this mum is just trying to do what's right for all her children

I think it should be fine to go with siblings under the understanding that if they misbehave/make noise you have to leave with them. Shouldn't have to pick which child to make priority.