Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

[WinnieLovett]

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

Why shouldn’t she though? Why should she be made to feel like this? She’s entirely welcome to feed her baby wherever and whenever she wants to. It is not for other people to dictate. Which is why we have the legislation, to protect against this kind of situation

just clarify that it’s ok for your baby to come along, and I’m sure they will reassure you that it is.

It’s always helpful to read the OP, she’s already been told the baby can’t go.

i have read it. Clarify with the HT. ‘I’m sure you wouldn’t want to discriminate against breastfeeding inadvertently with your no siblings policy. Just to confirm, I will be bringing my four month old baby to the performance’

I'm 'that' mother. I'd have said nothing. Worn my baby in a sling and sat closest to the door in case I had to leave if she was restless.

I really don't agree with siblings not being included. That's part of school and celebration.

I'm pretty sure that your baby won't look at the clock and exclaim "oh my, It's 2:30, I need my milk, I demand it!"

There are workarounds and the BFing is a red herring. You'd be mightily fucked off if your son's part in the performance got interrupted by a screaming baby.

since when did 4 month olds learn to tell the time??? Feed them a bit earlier. Also lots of schools will not allow you to film the nativity due to safeguarding.

The baby doesn’t attend the school.

If I were that HT my reply would be “Just to confirm we won’t admit you with the baby”.

Exactly. No need to say anything. The baby is with you, you don’t have to ask for permission.

And I’d raise a formal complaint for discriminatory practice. No head would want to have anything to do with a discrimination complaint.

You can manage this.

My DD was three weeks old, exclusively breastfed, my grandad was seriously ill in hospital, DD wasn’t allowed in. I fed her early, drove to the hospital and left her with my dad in her pram to push around the grounds whilst I visited my grandad. He was under strict instructions to call me re any probs. Baby was absolutely fine. My dad seemed to love the time with her. Grandad sadly passed away early hours the next morning.

You can sort this and it won’t be as bigger prob as you first thought. Look for a solution not a bigger prob.

At 4 months you should be able to adjust the feeding slightly. It will do you good to watch your other child with no interruptions and will make them feel even more special xx

I've breastfed 3 children, still am the 3rd, if you are breastfeeding you don't feed at fixed times, it should be on demand so you cant possibly know you will be breastfeeding at 7pm on the 6th of December. If you don't want to leave your baby for an hour fair enough but if you were nipping out for an hour simply feed your baby before you leave, go to the play and then feed again immediately on arriving home. My kids fed every 2 hours (ish!) at that age, so it was 30min feeding, 90 min off, even with that regularity I still had a window to do things.

If they say no children or babies that's up to them, it's probably to do with disruptions from the audience.

Pity there's always the odd one that spoils it for the majority. My DD had not long turned 3 when I took her to her brother's school play. She was asleep when I got there but was told I couldn't take her pram in. She hadn't been well with a cold and we had missed the first play the day before. We saw one of the ladies that run's a playgroup we used to go to. So she gave her a hug.

But the rest of the time she sat on my knee and behaved beautifully. She was also on the pathway for autism diagnosis but I made sure she had a book and small toy for distraction and a drink. This was a special needs school that she also attended. So it was lovely I could take her and get to know staff and my son loved showing off his baby as he called her. Nobody was refused entry but school understood childcare can be an issue with SN children. All children there behaved brilliant. There was non running around.

And you’d be laughed at by anyone with a grain of common sense.

Having watched nativities as a parent and as a teacher, it really is very distracting when young children are crying etc through a performance so I totally understand the school's stance even though it seems a bit harsh (I get no siblings at the evening performance, but maybe the daytime one could be for all). I hope you find a way to get to see the nativity.

but there are mums who breastfeed 4 year olds too? So does the HT let them in too? What’s the difference? A baby can be fed earlier it will not know. Since when did parents get so precious about feeding their babies at exactly the same time everyday? Flexibility is the key.

It's because for years, people just took the Mick unfortunately. Lots of kids in strollers making lots of noise which distracted those performing and made it general hell. We used to just babysit for friends as it was only half an hour or so.

@MockneyReject But breastfed babies don't really cry, do they?

What?? Since when does a breastfed baby not cry?? 😂

The No sibling rule is discriminatory. Obviously I can see the reason behind it. As a teacher myself I understand from a fire safety point of view there has to be a limit on the number of guests. No siblings together with limited the number of places per family is the obvious way to mitigate this. Yes siblings may be disruptive but I don’t really think that is the primary reason, ‘baby’ can cover a broad range from newborn to a toddler who is nearly at school. Pointing out to the headteacher that breastfeeding a four month old baby on demand and wishing to be included would, I’m sure, elicit a commonsense response without needing to cite legislation.

She’s not entitled to feed her baby in any location that doesn’t allow children though,
don’t be ridiculous.
l

Under six months is key. A baby over six months’ diet will be supplemented but under six months being exclusively breastfed means the baby is solely reliant on mother and shouldn’t ‘have to’ do anything other than feed on demand.

Kids crying and general low level noise is normal in school plays, its part of the fun for heaven sake
its not the flipping Royal Shakespeare Company!

And it’s not being precious about feeding at exactly the same time every day, it’s about knowing that you are likely going to have to feed within a given window. I breastfed 4 babies and would feed them whenever they needed to feed. Having someone tell me to feed them earlier, later etc would have made for an interesting debate.

I don’t have kids but I’ve friends who have and without exception they’ve all experienced a crying baby/toddler drowning out part of every nativity they’ve been to. Some parents will remove, but others will either jiggle the child and hope for the best/ineffectually stage whisper at them to come back here, or break out the loud snacks (which they then leave smushed all over the floor).

It’s the same with weddings. Even if the kids are removed, by that time they’ve already drowned out part of what everyone else is there for, and the scuffling involved in exiting makes even more noise

I have to confess that I’m also sick of the argument that because breastfeeding is protected, that means breastfeeding women take precedence over everyone else ever!!! or it’s discrimination. Happens with maternity as well. It’s made some people so entitled.

The poor kids, just trying to show their parents what they’ve been practising for so long. But no, all that matters is the breastfeeding mummy who Knows The Law.