Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

[WinnieLovett]

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

It’s no wonder we have a shortage of teachers in this country. Who would want to deal with this kind of shit. A discrimination complaint because the school didn’t want to have the school play disrupted by fussy and crying babies and children. And yes, I’ve had school plays disrupted by siblings messing around and crying. One memorable one that comes to mind, a 2 year child running up and down the aisle with a set of keys jangling. The parent was not happy when she was asked by a teacher to take the child out as she was making a noise.

the breastfeeding mother herself is allowed but her baby isn’t.
i reckon if you raise this with the school, you will get a reputation of being ‘that parent’ and in the future you may have an actual problem where that reputation is not helpful.
op, it’s one of those situations where you can blame the parents that came before you. If they had all been respectful and taken their fussy or crying babies or toddlers out, there would be no need for this rule. Feed your baby early, go to the play to get there on time, don’t hang around after for coffee or anything else and your baby will be fine with their dad or other trusted adult.

Not all schools can put on several shows. We do one performance per class - 9 classes and one hall, plus the hall is used for everything else: lunches, sensory sessions, indoor pe, assemblies, singing sessions, break out space. Plus this time of year, all the practise and rehearsals.

We don't have a dress rehearsal for parents to come to with siblings wither. Our dress rehearsal takes place a few days before the performance and takes a long time, with stopping and starting, often.

We do record the performance and out that into the class blogs for parents who can't attend to watch.

We don't bar siblings but don't encourage them. Have had too many performances spoilt for the children in stage by parents not talking out talking toddlers or crying babies. It's not fair on the little ones in stage, who may well be nervous as well as excited. Their voices are quite tiny as it is without dealing with crying in the audience.

The baby is not going to dehydrate or suffer malnutrition in 30 minutes. I bet the OP sometimes hands the baby over to someone for half an hour and has a shower and a wee and gets dressed, is she discriminating against herself for not breastfeeding during that window?

But her right to have her baby with her is protected by equality law. Like it or not. This trumps the ‘no sibling’ rule that the school have enforced. The HT should be aware of this an should of course admit babies under 6 months of age without question

I actually think it's ridiculous. Parents of little children have other little children. Christmas is about a baby, for goodness sake. Not everyone has someone to give a baby to. Nativity plays are places where all parents should feel welcome. That means babies too sometimes.
Do people really care if they can't here 'There is no room'? It's not like people won't know the ending, is it?

Sort it out! You need to be there.

Actually, she doesn't need to be there.

It's obviously really nice for the children to have someone there for them. In this case, one parent can attend. For some children it might be a grandparent, aunt/uncle, or a family friend. And in some cases they simply can't have someone attend due to work or whatever.

We always tell the children that not every parent will be able to come for lots of reasons, and that's okay. We will record it do they can sit and watch it with their mum or dad, or whoever. And we always have the odd extra member of staff watching, especially pastoral staff, and tell any child who is feeling a bit sad/worried that those staff will be watching out especially for them (even if it's 4 or 5 or more of them)

@CaronPoivre The children performing care.

Everyone keeps talking about 30 minutes, I've never been to a Nativity that was over in 30 minutes plus the OP has to get there and get back, it could easily mean she's away from the baby for much longer.

Do you actually know anything about breastfeeding or? Baby is stuck to your boob 90% of the time especially in those early weeks, as OP notes she's in the thick of.

You can't just leave a breastfed baby with someone else for any longer than 30 mins without all hell breaking loose, causing distress to both mum and baby. I know that from experience. And these facts are why equality laws exist; to stop bf women being disadvantaged due to the demanding nature of bf.

And it's "pour" by the way, not "por".

Having taken a boob baby to an assembly which he screamed all the way through and I ended up missing 90% of it I’m with school. I thought being so tiny he’d be fine, boob and pass out but I was gutted in the end as it was too exciting for little to sleep and everyone was upset. Feed early before you go having left it a bit of a while so they’re actually hungry and hope it staves them off, consider having a parent or someone else doing the rounds with the pram or a sling. The tiny one will survive and your bigger ones will appreciate it. Realise you can only do one performance and send the other parent to the other one. Lesson learnt here. I’m leaving little now 3 with my mum during big’s assembly tomorrow. You cannot please everyone all of the time. That way madness lies (and I should listen to my own advice).

@amispeakingintongues The baby is 4 months old. And hardly anyone would breastfeed if all mothers could not leave a 4-month-old for thirty minutes.

Do people really care if they can't here 'There is no room'? It's not like people won't know the ending, is it?

Yes, people do care, and they complain more loudly and in greater numbers than the people who don't care - hence why schools have these policies.

I didn’t say the baby would dehydrate or suffer malnutrition in 30 minutes. But the point is she shouldn’t even have to think about this. Let’s just say she had to travel to school and back and it ends up being longer than 30 minutes, this could have a knock-on effect in terms of the feeding on demand that has been working effectively when allowed to take place exactly as health visitors, midwives etc recommend. Why should she have to do anything other than follow guidelines and operate within the law of this country, it’s not difficult. She’s just a mum feeding her (young) baby. The irony is not lost on some who have pointed out this is a nativity play. About a baby being born. Hope Mary isn’t told that she can wait 30mi tired to feed her baby lest baby Jesus interrupts poor little Sophie who has been learning her lines

@amispeakingintongues first off, wrong correction, but it was "post" I was going for, pour makes zero grammatical sense 🙄
As for breastfeeding, fed 4 exclusively and I know full well that you can indeed leave them occasionally. Like I said, feed in the car, into the play for half an hour, back out to car and feed again. If baby really gets upset, dad could come and get her. And once again, it's NOT BREASTFEEDING DISCRIMINATION ITS A SIBLING BAN

I’m sure if baby started screaming OP would take her out !

It's a bit late for the poor child on stage when the screaming starts, then the op stands up, noise of moving chairs back, noise of door opening and closing. By the time that's happen the child's line has been said when no one can here it. Their parent misses out on hearing their child due to the OP's noise.

And if it's being recorded, that noise will pick up on the recording louder than the child's voice.

Most schools who have these rules have learnt from past occasions that this is the only way that their pupils get to perform without noisy disturbances, ime.

This has been going on since my young chidren were at primary school. As they are now in late 20's & 30's, a long time ago. Sometimes they arranged for a few parents to look after younger ones when the Mums had no one to fall back on. Also the dress rehersal idea often works, if the school will play along.
But at the same time your little one could cope with an early feed, or give the previous one a bit late? And then a friend or relitive could look after the baby, until you get back. Also you could express milk into a bottle as an emergency for childminder. My youngest is severley disabled & although 23 years now, is still developmentally 3 months old, yet regardless of problems I never mssed any of my other childrens plays, Sports days etc etc., it is important to them that you are there for them, regardless of the baby. If you do not turn up, that is what they will remember.

The sibling ban is discriminatory. I don’t understand why you can’t see that. That doesn’t mean all siblings should be allowed to attend. Just that there should be a caveat to the sibling ban - unless you wish to bring a baby sixth months or under who is breastfeeding. Most women would probably opt to make alternative arrangements, feed before, in the car etc, but the few who for whatever reason can’t, can then attend with their baby. I don’t think there is going to be a sudden influx of a crowd of mums breastfeeding small babies at nativity plays as a result….

Are you saying I don’t understand what the legislation means? I think it is you who is mistaken. I’ve already stated that it’s under six months. I know you can breastfeed for years (I breastfed 4 children for many years so understand totally the difference between feeding on demand under 6 months of age, and feeding after 6 months to any point that a woman (or baby) chooses to stop).

Lovely, so all the mothers who aren’t breastfeeding and have no childcare for their babies don’t get to see their older DC perform, but the breastfeeding mothers do? And this is fair? Nor do they get to see a video of their DC’s speaking role because it’s drowned out by the “non crying” babies who, whaddaya know, cry.

I went to a Nativity where someone was criticised for not bringing a baby. One of the teachers was 9 months pregnant, she'd started maternity leave but came into see the play. The Head announced that if she really cared about the children she'd have produced the baby so they had a real baby in the manger. It went down well.

No they don't. They wouldn't know whether you heard them or not.

@NastyPastie you are still not entitled to bring your 6 month old with you wherever you want just because you are breastfeeding! You are wildly misunderstanding the legislation.

You seem to be unable to grasp the fact that a blanket sibling ban without exemption for breastfeeding mothers is discrimination

And whether the baby is 4 weeks, 4 months or 14 months, this fact remains.

As women (?) you really should know better.

Never had a school play when siblings couldn’t attend, seems I am in the minority though, it’s a nativity by definition are shit and you can’t hear a thing or probably even be able to see your child, crying babies are standard i though!