Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

[WinnieLovett]

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

@Dacadactyl Neuro diverse kids are pupils at the school. That is who the plays for and who the teachers primary concerns are. So their needs come first.

But I already know most parents do not really care about ND kids having access to all parts of the school curriculum. Most people are very selfish.

😂

Yes, because he is a pupil at the school and he is the schools priority. Not Denise who doesn't want to leave her baby. He would (rightly) trump her.

Dear reader, I actually lol'ed.

DVD / recording can be really difficult for safeguarding reasons, if there are children who cannot be photographed or filmed for all the obvious reasons of safety.

Some schools allow a 'whole cast' photo at the end (with adults briefed to quickly bundle certain children out of the way), but if there are too many children who can't be photographed, that becomes increasingly problematic. And for children who are already singled out and often isolated from family for many unavoidable and difficult reasons, saying they can't be in one of the performances because it's being filmed for everyone else's relatives is obviously unreasonable.

DVD / recording can be really difficult for safeguarding reasons, if there are children who cannot be photographed or filmed for all the obvious reasons of safety

Ok, sure, but DDs' school always managed it.

There are schools where, in certain year groups, there are no children who cannot be photographed. These are often schools in nice MN-favoured neighbourhoods.

There will also be schools where there is no year group that can be videoed.

And heads with some years that can be videoed may make a blanket 'no DVD ' rule for every year group, because there is nothing worse than all the parents looking at the foster mum or the new arrival in the playground and saying to one another 'well, we could have the performances filmed like Year 4 do if it wasn't for YOU'.

This child is a pupil at the school. Their needs come before that of non pupils. That’s the way it works at schools fortunately - everything will be done (I hope) to enable all kids to take part in the event

I genuinely laughed at this.
Can I bring a donkey to add to the immersive manger experience? Maybe a few sheep?

You are 100% right, @DayOfTheTentacle - the children performing the play are the stars of the nativity, not the siblings of the performers, or anyone else in the audience. They should all be given the best possible chance to perform their part in the play, and when there are children who need as calm an atmosphere as possible, like your son, this should absolutely be the priority.

I hope he gets to enjoy being part of the nativity this year.

This is completely normal as it's also to do with how many they can have in the hall for fire regulations. These things only last half an hour, you could try and feed a bit earlier there are probably a few mums in the same situation so if they let one they have to let everyone

This day and age?? What?? A baby crying through the performance at any day and age is unfair on the other parents, and if they let you bring your baby, then Molly's mum will want to bring her 2 year old because you have a sibling, then Jonny's mum will too and before you know it, it's chaos! I've breastfed 4 babies, all of them could have timings tweaked a bit, take her to the 2.30 show and leave her in the car with Dad then you can feed before you go in and as soon as you come out, then Dad can go in the evening it's not that complicated

Very unreasonable of them OP and discriminatory towards you. You have a breastfed baby with you not a whining toddler. Just go and keep the boob in the mouth and sit by an exit. The school surely won’t cause a scene and escort a breastfeeding mum from a nativity?! Give me strength.

Nobody is stopping her feeding the baby. They are stopping the baby attending the performance, but this isn't limited to babies, it is siblings of any age. Hardly discriminatory. 🙄

From the other side, at the leavers assembly my friend couldn't hear her dds speech due to a non stop crying baby. She'll never get that moment again and it was inaudible on various recordings. The mother didn't take the baby out so we all missed a lot of the speeches too.

I've not read whole 20 pages but I wouldn't be happy with that rule. It's not.just about baby being breasted but having childcare available. I've had literally no one to look after my youngest at that age, it was just me and their dad who was always at work. Had i not been allowed to bring her with me I'd not seen my eldest christmas Concert at all. Never had an issues bringing baby to school performances at our school x

i feel that in this day and age I shouldn’t be put in this position.

It's about putting the children in the performance first though and not impinging their one moment to speak with a noisy sibling, though, isn't it? I think schools are right to hold firm on this.

@amispeakingintongues did you hurt yourself with that massive reach into "discrimination"?

Panto's? full of kids....babies breastfeeding and these are professional performers....truly....too much being uber precious for nothing.

Er, that's the very reason why it's hard to have babies in a school play. The performers are professionals?

Been the rule for years

I'm totally with you, I have a breastfed baby and a toddler and zero childcare. This means I have to miss my eldest in her first ever nativity. I'm not happy in the slightest about it, and think it's extremely unfair on parents who have this issue.

Absolutely not standard or normal here! The whole village goes, not even sure if you need to have a child at the school. Ours are either in the school everyone welcome, or at the church. Last year’s was outside.

Great community atmosphere, it would be really sad without younger siblings and grandparents.

The thing is OP is just case in point for why siblings aren't allowed at some schools. She wants to bring her baby, at a time she knows the baby will be unhappy (for babies that means noisy generally) to the show. It might have been more compelling if she'd said "baby always sleeps at this time" so won't make any noise, but she wants to do the opposite for her conveince.

Anyway, i can see both sides to what schools should allow, but I don't think BFing gives you an exemption to the rule that applies to everyone else in this case.

Not in the slightest. But from that rude response it appears i've hit one of your nerves. Here's some light reading for you;

The Equality Act 2010 says that it is discrimination to treat a woman unfavourably because she is breastfeeding. It applies to anyone providing services, benefits, facilities and premises to the public, public bodies, further and higher education bodies and association.

maternityaction.org.uk/advice/breastfeeding-in-public-places/