Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

[WinnieLovett]

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

No one should assume anyone on MN has the knowledge they say they have. Especially on this topic, because it's very fraught for some reason.

I would urge the op to do her own research on it and proceed from there.

The biggest problem for Nativity plays is when people bring half their family tree with them, meaning those of us PARENTS have to sit at the back and cannot see our kids at all

Part of it, surely, is also capacity. The minute you start allowing siblings in you’ll have some families taking up 4 or 5 seats. Our Christmas whole school performances (not class nativities) were held in a church, but it was maximum two guests per child for this very reason. They did two performances so step parents or siblings could attend either one, but strictly only two family members at a time. There wasn’t a fairer way of doing it.

The careers of actual lawyers depends on their knowledge, so you're screwed either way. 😁

Ah nature is healing
first post covid nativity play hysteria I've seen for a while

This!!! I just went to a performance and two school kids in the audience coughed all the way through. Way louder than a baby!! No way would you hear the lines 100% of time!

Agree with the poster who said people who bring all their families with them so actual parents can’t see. Plus people taking endless photos or filming! You can’t see past the phones! Nobody did that this morning but in a previous school, this was awful!

Most schools do not allow photos or filming.

No it isn't. If I don't allow kids, I don't have to allow breastfeeding babies.

Interesting. Which part of my detailed post above is legally wrong? I’m very happy to source the specific provisions. You mention case law but haven’t cited a case. I would be very interested to read which case says a school discriminates against a mother by not making an exception to the no siblings rule for breastfed babies.

How I wish it wasn’t anonymous here because that would be fun right now!

And incidentally I wouldn’t have an issue with a baby coming to a nativity. But to call it discrimination a) is legally bullshit and b) trivialises the very serious issue of actual discrimination

Yes, the bullshitting wouldn't matter so much if it were just the usual blowhard nonsense one gets on here. But this is actually important.

I think they should do a performance where siblings attend in the afternoon and an evening one also where they don't. DD1 was Mary in the nursery nativity when she was 4, DD2 was about ten months old. They saved the front rows for parents of "leavers" who had the main parts, I sat on the front row with DD2 on my lap, but ready to make a quick exit if she became too wriggly or noisy. As she could see her sister so well singing and dancing DD2 sat completely still and quiet in absolute wrapt attention throughout!

People are failing to understand that the benefits of the play are for the children performing. That is why schools do them.

I complained to school about this an explained that breast fed in demand means babies need to be near their mums. We are classed as one unit even in hospital. They changed the rules to quiet baby in arms only.
I suppose it helped my case that I arranged childcare for my other child.

Pretty sure the school could cope with that too....no?

I imagine that parents who haven’t taken their children out when they’ve been noisy in the past have ruined it for the others….

To me it’s common sense and polite to sit right at the back, on the aisle or by the door and remove a child or baby as soon as they start to get fussy but obviously others don’t do this, otherwise schools wouldn’t have to enforce these rules in the first place.

And I can’t really understand why people are banging on about legalities? Surely no one would embarrass themselves (and their performing child) by turning up with baby and toddler in toe and quoting their legal rights?

Surely the polite thing to do would be to ask the school if there is any other option? Eg feed the child just before the performance and have a friend push them around in the pram outside and text if they need you to come out? Or ask about watching the dress rehearsal?

....and why is that? why cant siblings go along like they used to and watch their family performing????? we are not talking high art....these are little kids....performing for family...honestly....so precious with all this crap about 'but I want to see just my child and hear them' life will be hard for your kids if you are going to get them expecting exceptionism.....Panto's? full of kids....babies breastfeeding and these are professional performers....truly....too much being uber precious for nothing.

@Solonge It is about the children. There have been teachers on this thread saying they have had 5 year olds in tears because no one could hear their lines.

All those dismissing the play as hardly the West End, are saying the children and their performance does not matter. To the children, the play is a very big deal.

And if I was a teacher I do not think I could be bothered doing extra stuff like plays that always causes issues with some difficult parents.

@Solonge

I suggested having one performance in the evening without siblings as they usually film one and do a DVD. It would be nice to actually hear the children on the DVD - lovely thing to look back on years later.

Entirely different.

Four-month-old EBF baby spends 30 minutes with her aunt instead of her mother = the baby will cope and not notice/remember, her mother will cope and probably not notice/remember and in any case enjoy watching her older child, maaaaaybe at an Olympic-level stretch the aunt, who will cope, will not especially enjoy holding a grouchy baby.

Four-month-old baby grouches through 30-minute performance = affects every child in the nativity, every person in the audience, all the teachers, and mum, who ends up sneaking out with the baby anyway, literally no good outcome for anyone.

That sounds like a sensible idea.

Pantos are different, the performers will be properly mic'ed up.

Lol OK then!! 😂

You must've missed my post (literally 2 posts or so under my initial comment) stating that my opinion comes with the caveat that OP is sat near a door and has the common sense to leave as soon as the baby starts fussing.

I mean, it's not rocket science. I would be dumbfounded if the school tell OP that a breastfeeding baby isn't allowed in. Never happened to me when I rang school and said I'd be bringing a baby. They know me and my family and it's the sort of school where parents and children know how to behave.

....and why is that? why cant siblings go along like they used to and watch their family performing????? we are not talking high art....these are little kids....performing for family...honestly....so precious with all this crap about 'but I want to see just my child and hear them' life will be hard for your kids if you are going to get them expecting exceptionism.....Panto's? full of kids....babies breastfeeding and these are professional performers....truly....too much being uber precious for nothing.

Just as a little point. Life is hard for some children, just getting through each day is difficult.

Children who are neurodiverse, who have sensory issues, who need the smaller accomodations that you wouldn't necessarily notice.

My DC wants to be able to be in the class nativity, wants to be the same as his mates, desperately wants to be able to say his line loudly and clearly, but finds it incredibly difficult and stressful just being in a room full of people.

Babies crying when he's trying to concentrate would stress him terribly. He would already be on the edge and quite tightly wound. Somebody's fussy baby crying resulting in him missing his prompt could tip him over the edge into full panic and meltdown.

It's not theater, or professional, it's little children who have worked hard and overcome all sorts of obstacles that you can't see. They deserve the best chance to not have that ruined by someone else's whinging little sister.

While I sympathise; you are asking for exceptions to be made for your child, just like the breastfeeding mother is.