Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

[WinnieLovett]

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

But, and please don't think I'm being snippy at you directly because I'm not. This is like me saying that you should check your privilege that you're able to have more than one baby because my others died. Some of us won't get more than one chance to watch a reception nativity etc.

It's about the children performing and all their hard work being ruined by a fussy, grumpy baby who's (whose?) Mother insisted on bringing it.

Very standard, I can remember my DS’ having the same rule.

School even!

Have yet to see a child been 'taken out' without disturbing the show, drowning out children's lines etc.

It's around 30 fucking minutes OP can feed before or after

Schools can deny entry into their building to anyone they like!

I think breastfeeding babies shouldn’t count under the sibling rule.

I don't understand people saying breastfeeding babies shouldn't count. I see the same things written about weddings. Babies scream, babies cry. They make more noise than toddlers usually do, so babies especially should be banned.

It's not our 'privilege' or fault that you had more than one child. You need to think about these things before having a second and third etc. And as many others have said, the damage has already done when the baby has started crying, so reacting to it by leaving doesn't do much either.

I never left my baby at that age with anyone. I couldn’t. What if you’re a single mum? What if you don’t have anyone to ask? It might be 30 ‘fucking’ minutes to some people but to others that’s a huge problem. Not all babies cry. At 4 months they still sleep a lot.

The school is not excluding breastfed babies, it's excluding all siblings. I'm a breastfeeding mother who left her baby at 2 months for an hour to attend a school play. I was really worried and fretting as I hadn't left her before but actually she was completely fine. I was actually delighted to discover I could have a bit of freedom and booked myself in for a haircut the very next weekend.

OP why don't you give it a test run beforehand feed early and leave baby to go for a walk or a coffee and see how baby copes. Will probably give you some reassurance.

All babies do cry at some point, and OP said her baby is likely to be fussy at the times the nativity is on. Why are you ignoring that?

Four month old babies do sleep a lot, but they are never constantly silent.

The small minority of parents that can’t possibly bring themselves to leave their younger children with someone else for an hour should have the option of going to the dress rehearsal where the children know they might have to stop and start throughout the performance. They shouldn’t get to disturb the main events, especially when the school is already asking it’s staff to work into the evening to accommodate working parents.

I wish our school did this!! Even getting up and leaving is very disruptive and stops you hearing the children who have their line in that time.

I would support this 💯 you don't have to go, send grandma and allow everyone else have a better experience

This.

I never left my baby at that age with anyone.

Well that's your choice. But the rest of us parents who do the right thing shouldn't be punished. If you're single and don't have anyone to ask and choose not to get a sitter, then you just don't go. It's that simple. All babies cry. Not all the time, but the risk is there, even at 4 months.

You posted on AIBU... people will give it to you straight on here 😆

Then you don’t go. Look, I don’t have family help or friends nearby and my baby fed every 90 minutes til eight months (and did an enormous poo every time) and I never really got a break from her until that slowed, and she certainly didn’t sleep a lot at four months. And it wouldn’t have occurred to me to bring her somewhere where she was explicitly asked not to be.

Sometimes having a kid means you can’t do something. Sometimes having more than one kid means you’re restricted even more. It’s not fair but not is it unfair, really. It’s just life.

If a 4 month old baby doesn't cry to me that rings alarm bells.

OP is not being discriminated against. She is not being told she can't be there because she is BF. I BF both of mine till they were above 2, and there is definitely BFing discrimination out there in the world. This... is not it. This is a decision to prioritise the performing children. But regardless of whther you agree with the decision, the fact is it's the rule and there isn't some magic eception just because OP's baby is BF. I would feel more inclined to be sympathetic to an exception for, e.g., a single parent who really has no alternative childcare for a sibling than for someone who does and just wants to stick to a feeding schedule.

OP herself admits her baby is fussy at these times. So high chance of noise. That's unfair and creates disruption to others - whether OP plans to try soothe the baby in the performance or leave. Her baby will be entirely ok with her sister for half an hour during a performance, even if cranky. It'll be worst for the sister if anything. At 4 months a baby is NOT harmed by having to wait 30 mins for some milk, even if she refuses to have a feed earlier than planned.

Lastly, OP, I would encourage you not to miss the performance if your baby is fussy. That's massively unfair on your older children. It's not like you are being put in a position where your baby is going to suffer terribly, your baby WILL be fine without a boob for half an hour in the care of your sister and your old children deserve to see ther mum in the audience, watchng their nativity (not fussing over an unsettled baby). I agree with others that in this case they should take priority.

there is definitely BFing discrimination out there in the world. This... is not it. This is a decision to prioritise the performing children.

Well said.

This equality lawyer disagrees 🤷‍♀️
Maybe everyone isn’t who they say they are on mumsnet, who knew. I’d suggest anyone who really doesn’t get it looks up the case law.

Others are also correct that single parents etc shouldn’t be discriminated against, nor should parents of children with disabilities who cannot be left with others.

Well you're wrong about the Equality Act. It isn't illegal to prevent siblings from attending and it has NOTHING to to with breastfeeding. See info further up thread from an equality solicitor.

@fannyfartlet also a lawyer and disagree. You seem awfully convinced that you’re right 🤷‍♀️

I don't think anybody believes you're an equality lawyer.

This thread is full of arrogance and ridiculousness. And lack of common sense. I’ve never known a primary school exclude younger siblings and not have I known them disrupt the performance. Lots of parents won’t be able to attend without younger ones and disabled siblings. It’s a school nativity, not a professional theatre performance.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave I’m just devastated to hear that. My career hinges on what you think.