Not allowed siblings at my sons nativity play .. including my breast fed baby??

[WinnieLovett]

My daughter is 4 months old and breastfeeding.

My two other sons are involved in the school nativity play. The school will be having two performers one at 2:30 and one at 7:00.

I have been informed that the school has a ‘no sibling rule’ to watching so I will not be allowed to bring my daughter. The issue is these times are both when she has milk.

I was also told by the head that she may make noise and interrupt the performance !!

Really sad as I don’t want to miss it ! But do not feel happy leaving my baby at these times!

Feed baby 30m early and leave with friend nanny relative etc

she will be fine

it’s quite normal to not allow siblings

nothing worse than a child crying or talking when another child on stage is singing or speaking and can’t hear them

they work so hard as do teachers to do this nativity yearly

What!!! Shes a babe in arms. I'd pop her in a sling and turn up anyway. She won't make noise at that age- you just plug her into the boob!

I wish our school would do this, the amount of people who turn up and ignore their childrens awful behaviour/babys crying is insane

This is about your other dc, not about the baby. Sometimes, the baby isn't welcome so that you can prioritise your older dc. A nativity play won't go much over 30 minutes. Spare your sons that much of your uninterrupted time.

Is it the norm for siblings not to attend nativities? I'd not thought and have purchased a ticket for my baby. Nothing in the email says no siblings but I would leave her at home with DH if it's an unspoken rule?

You are not one person. Four month old babies that are breastfed are in childcare in many countries. At my workplace we have people on placement from other countries and quite a few times have had a woman who has recently given birth and back at work. They all express and breastfeed because it is normal for them.

Actually, it would have been nice for the child IN the nativity if his parents had arranged babysitting for the infant; they could watch him in the play and then take him out for hot chocolate or something to celebrate. Made a thing of it for a child who probably has been overshadowed by the baby for months on end.

She won't make a noise? She's 4 months old, when mine were that age they made a hell of a lot of noise.

Classy.

Feeding babies make lots of noise, and the OP has said her child is fussy around those times.

What about all the other mums of babies/toddlers who’ve either missed the play or are feeling guilty about leaving the baby at home? There will be plenty of parents who’ve moved heaven and earth to get there. You don’t think they’d be pissed off at the entitled mother who decided the rules don’t apply to her?

Our school wouldn’t let you in and I’m glad of it.

OP isn't the only one with a baby and it's not fair if a baby starts crying is it really.

At that she, mine screamed and resisted boob and sling and anything she felt like in favour of screaming at her “cranky times” as the OP has it.

Whenever I go to any school function, I have one thing on my mind. MY child. I want to see my child, sing, dance, say the lines we practiced at home etc. I also want to hear the HM or teachers speak whilst I’m sitting on a tiny plastic chair in a hot, uncomfortable room.

I do not want to hear children screaming, crying and other parents thinking it’s ok because it’s a school. Recently we attended an open night at the local secondary for my year 6 son. There was a group of three women, who sat in the front with prams and ‘loud’ toddlers who squeaked and shouted out whilst the head, teachers and students attempted to present their school. At no point did this group of women - who were friends - attempted to shut the children up or leave the hall. One did finally get up and leave - when her phone rang (Beyoncé).

It’s the entitlement that gets to me. I work in a professional setting and the amount of clients who bring their children with them to appointments to discuss matters that aren’t appropriate for children blows my mind. And sometimes they leave the children in reception for the receptionists to watch!

I would just take baby anyway it’s actually against the law to discriminate against breastfeeding mothers
I took my 4 month old breastfed baby to first settling in session in eyfs in the classroom! other siblings not allowed fine but it’s a tiny newborn If they are like mine if baby started fussing just plug them in to feed. All parents who are not understanding this poor ladies issue probably weren’t breastfeeding at 4 months. Not fair to put you in this position at all just take the baby they aren’t going to wrestle a mum and baby out. Stand up for your rights you deserve to see this nativity too

I can’t believe any mother would even contemplate missing her child’s nativity play. I am in a senior role and make sure every parent on my team gets to their child’s and can make up the work time if needed. Some moments in a child’s life are precious. This is not the baby’s time.

AIBU is always like this. Some of the other sections of mumsnet are a lot more supportive. People come on aibu to sound off or have a moan so expect to get roasted! 😬

Lucky she’s not being discriminated against, eh. I breastfed til mine was 2.5 years, btw, so it’s nothing to do with “not understanding”.

Don’t be ridiculous. It isn’t discriminating against breastfeeding mothers. The school aren’t saying no breastfeeding siblings can attend. They’re saying no siblings can attend. There’s a difference.

Op I breastfed my baby on demand and he wouldn't take a bottle, even of pumped out milk. It was very stressful and the amount of people that said "haven't you just fed him"/ "can't you feed him before you leave the house?" etc.. they just don't get it. It's not just about the milk it's also that babies' comfort. He wouldn't have a dummy or anything, just my boobs and then went to a sippy cup of water and solid food at 5 months. Never drank a bottle in his life.

This situation would have caused me anxiety and I really get it, but your baby isn't going to starve during a nativity play and will be safe with your sister even if she cries the whole time. Now my child is six I think I would go to the nativity if I had another breastfed baby as I wouldn't want to miss his nativity for the world. But you have my sympathy, not everyone understands why you can't just feed them before you leave the house and think everything will be alright. A breastfed baby at a nativity play isn't the same as other older siblings in my opinion.

That’s so not standard!!
Maybe in 2020 😷 but not now, and not before! There would be a lot of complaints if they said that at our school. We are allowed to bring as many relatives and siblings as we like. With mulled wine afterwards! It’s really not festive to ban babies from the nativity

If your baby isn't happy at those times it's best not to take them. I speak from experience it is so massively stressful having an unsettled baby/ toddler at a school event. Avoid taking them at all costs.

OK OK everyone... my school doesn't have issues with babies or even toddlers coming. I've taken my little one and he was fine because he was only a few months but if he hadn't been, I would have removed it. I've only got my DD school to base it one though so I don't know what the OPs auditiorium is like in terms of seating and space

she's not happily usually at these times

She has 2 parents though right? That's up for dad to deal with... Feed her before you go so she's not hungry. Do you have to be the one there if she's unsettled? Does your husband never give you a break when she's crying?

I had an EBF baby but this wouldn't have been a big deal at 4 months. She's not a week old. 4 month olds can easily go a couple of hours between feeds and find other sources if comfort inbetween. And she's definitely old enough to ruin a performance by crying or shrieking.

Ah yes, we all know breastfed babies never cry. 🙄

One side effect of the hideous "breast is best" campaign (or rather, its smug campaigners) is that some breastfeeding women think they're some special and protected caste who can bring their baby anywhere.

Whenever I go to any school function, I have one thing on my mind. MY child. I want to see my child, sing, dance, say the lines we practiced at home etc

I considered nativity plays etc to be a more 'community' thing than a 'my child is so important' thing. My children are obviously the most important people on the planet for me, but I do also appreciate that other people regard their children in the same way. Anyway, there was always one child who didn't stick to the perfectly-rehearsed script and who caused great merriment. But I appreciate that times have changed and parents now tend to regard their own children as the centre of the universe. Which we all do, obviously - but in the ancient past, we also recognised that other parents thought their own children were the most brilliant creatures ever born, including babes in arms and toddler siblings. We all smiled and understood, because we all felt the same. It's a shame if it's now 'each family for their own'.