Feel a bit judged by this mum

[locomelons]

I have a 3 year old DS and a 6 month old DD. I have met a mum who has a 6 month old DD as well.

We go for coffee sometimes.

Recently the topic of weaning came up and I showed her a video of me feeding my first baby his first few mouthfuls from a silver spoon. She remarked if that was OK, because it was metal. I have plastic spoons as well, but this particular time I used this silver spoon that was gifted to us. No harm done. Minor comment.

Then it came up again and she said how she was going to do all the baby led weaning stuff and absolutely no way any fruits until all veggies had been tried. All this stuff about it being so unhealthy etc, to let your baby try an apple first is wrong.

I weaned my first successfully with a slightly different approach. I didn't do baby led weaning and also started with baby rice and fruit and then slowly onto other stuff. I can say that my first baby definitely didn't prefer sweet stuff or anything. I've tried a similar approach with my second and actually, she prefers veggies at the moment and tends to eat more and be more eager on broccoli, rather than banana.

My friend was again pointing out how that's not how you should wean etc. it's better to do all the veggies etc. she fears her DD will grow up and only want to eat junk food. I said I think it's normal for me, once they're toddlers, that they have the occasional ice cream and treats, in moderation. She's seen my older son eat ice-cream when she went out for a meal. So she said, well if you don't even let them try it, then they won't know it. Like how goes XX know he loves ice cream so much, you must have let him try it at some point ?

It's minor, but I didn't really appreciate it and now feel a bit self conscious about what I give my older son in front of her. I understand her point, but I really think for my children, they'll be allowed to have occasional treats and it's completely OK. I'm not going to deprive them of this stuff, as it sounds like she plans to. I'm not judging her approach, but she's judging mine, I feel.

First world problem of course, which doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things at all.

She sounds judgemental and I would ditch her as a friend.

She’s also deluded - good luck to her making her baby eat ALL the vegetables first, and never have sweet treats etc. I expect in a couple of years she’ll look back and be embarrassed by all the preachy stuff she was spouting.

Just ignore her. It's better not to spend mealtimes with people like that.

Ignore her, you sound like you’ve conquered weaning so no need to care.

yes as a nanny I avoid baby rice and Fruit until I’ve established veggies but that’s me and my choice.

Weaning/food is such an emotional minefield sometimes. Don't worry OP, it sounds like you're doing great, and of course the kids should have treats once in a while, you shouldn't be judged for that.

This is a bit like non parents talking about how they will parent their imaginary children; essentially she doesn’t know what she’s talking about is my view. She’s read what the “right way” is but children don’t always follow this and she may find that out the hard way and more so you realise that with a second DC as what worked for one doesn’t work for others.
Aldo’s toddlers have a sixth sense for knowing when something will taste good; the only way I would have avoided mine having “bad” foods is to never eat them myself and even then they will discover it at parties etc. Much better for them to learn about moderation

It's the PFB syndrome I think! She's in the thick of it all and is blind to the fact that others may do things differently to her. Just rise above it!

As an aside though, baby rice really isn't great. It has absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever. It's just a filler, and fills a baby up in the space where other, much more nutritionally dense foods can go!

I take it the 6 month old is her first? I think many of us had grand ideas about organic only healthy wholefoods only to find ourselves in the queue for a happy meal a few years later. I think a lot of new parents who come across as judgey are really just a bit unconfident in parenting and overcompensate.

I BLW mine with all the veg etc etc and two of them went through the fussiest eating phase ever
aged two. Your approach sounds fine and has clearly worked so try not to let her get to you.

She might end up with the best eaters ever, in which case she will smugly think how well she did, or they will end up like mine and she won't mention it again. But a child does not eat in a vacuum and it takes an extraordinarily strong parental will to completely eliminate ALL sugary food from a child's diet.

She's a delusional first time mum who thinks they know it all. Good luck to her when Haribo are handed out to her dc every week for someone's birthday throughout primary school (not a fan of this, btw). And the rest. She'll learn.

Try to just inwardly roll your eyes and change the subject.

It's a PFB issue. Give it a few years and you'll be invited to McDonald's with her and the DC

I was one once. Haha

This would be an absolute non issue to me.

Dont give it a second thought.

I would just say ok and laugh internally to myself. Give it a few years and her ex will be eating ice cream and biscuits on occasion.

Her dc not ex!

This just makes me laugh as she’s set herself up for a fall here! Oh we were all so confident in our parenting till we did it!

Maybe it’s time to agree to disagree? And to seriously look inside yourself and decide to feel ok, as I suspect this wouldn’t through you if you didn’t feel slightly insecure. You might also feel less defensive and challenged. But we’ve all felt like that about our parenting. It would be a shame to lose a friend over it though.

It's her first dc right?
Guarantee that dc as an older sibling will be gnawing on a chicken drumstick in a fast food place in the not too distant future.. Just smile and nod op.
She ain't got a clue...

I would be inclined to stay in contact with this mum just so you can sit back and snigger in a few years' time when her teenage children gorge themselves on pizza, burgers, and fried chicken 😆

I would say anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable with your parenting should be avoided.

Does she have an older child too? If not she has even less reason to be spewing her advice!

Avoid going for any more coffees with her. A friend should be lifting you up not bringing you down.

Typical case of PFB thinking they know it all when they don’t have a clue of the reality!

I BLW 2 children exactly the same way; one was wonderful at the baby stage then insanely fussy and I went through years of hell just trying to get them to eat a meal. The other has always eaten anything put in front of them. No difference in how they were treated. Both love junk food as too much is present everywhere once they are over 3 !

Ignore!

Just ignore! I spoon fed my first (mainly Ella food pouches) and my second has been weaned on Wotzits (given by first child) and stuff she's found on the floor!

You can't tell who did what re weaning (or much else) once they get older. Just nod and ignore or forgo the nod and just ignore!

Ignore her, people become unstable at the weaning stage. I went to a weekly baby group with my first and the same woman who was unbelievably a midwife used to come in and only talk about banana and baby porridge and get quite obsessive/defensive/tearful about it. She got very angry about me feeding mine mashed up boiled egg??? If i saw her walking in to the group id do a lap around the church grounds to avoid being next to her/getting caught in the banana porridge saga from that morning.you do yours, let her do hers and distance yourself- being a mum is hard enough without all this shit.

Non issue...if she's otherwise nice, just ignore it. She has one baby I take it...you have two DC.... You're realistic, she's idealistic.

It doesn't matter if in a couple of years time they're eating chocolate or whatever - if it's her PFB and she's taking this attitude about weaning, she's likely to take it about lots of other things as well. You need to try and work out if she seems like the type to look back and laugh (ie has any self-awareness) or one who will just plough on commenting and judging about walking, toys, schools, sleep, discipline, childcare, the list will go on and on.

Personally I'd pull back from her, I wouldn't want to take the risk, especially if I was feeling a bit unsure or vulnerable about my own parenting choices.

There is a great thread, in classics, about mums looking back on their PFB behaviour.

its very funny and it may make you feel a bit better

There's two things here - she is commenting a lot, which I would find irritating. But... baby rice is not advisable as an early fiid and it is pretty common to give veg before fruit.