Feel a bit judged by this mum

[locomelons]

I have a 3 year old DS and a 6 month old DD. I have met a mum who has a 6 month old DD as well.

We go for coffee sometimes.

Recently the topic of weaning came up and I showed her a video of me feeding my first baby his first few mouthfuls from a silver spoon. She remarked if that was OK, because it was metal. I have plastic spoons as well, but this particular time I used this silver spoon that was gifted to us. No harm done. Minor comment.

Then it came up again and she said how she was going to do all the baby led weaning stuff and absolutely no way any fruits until all veggies had been tried. All this stuff about it being so unhealthy etc, to let your baby try an apple first is wrong.

I weaned my first successfully with a slightly different approach. I didn't do baby led weaning and also started with baby rice and fruit and then slowly onto other stuff. I can say that my first baby definitely didn't prefer sweet stuff or anything. I've tried a similar approach with my second and actually, she prefers veggies at the moment and tends to eat more and be more eager on broccoli, rather than banana.

My friend was again pointing out how that's not how you should wean etc. it's better to do all the veggies etc. she fears her DD will grow up and only want to eat junk food. I said I think it's normal for me, once they're toddlers, that they have the occasional ice cream and treats, in moderation. She's seen my older son eat ice-cream when she went out for a meal. So she said, well if you don't even let them try it, then they won't know it. Like how goes XX know he loves ice cream so much, you must have let him try it at some point ?

It's minor, but I didn't really appreciate it and now feel a bit self conscious about what I give my older son in front of her. I understand her point, but I really think for my children, they'll be allowed to have occasional treats and it's completely OK. I'm not going to deprive them of this stuff, as it sounds like she plans to. I'm not judging her approach, but she's judging mine, I feel.

First world problem of course, which doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things at all.

fiid = food

Baby weaning advice goes around and comes around.

The advice given 30 years ago, when my daughter was weaning, was very different from that given now.

But guess what? My daughter survived and my granddaughter is also surviving!

I'd say, stick to rules regarding safety - so no raw eggs, nothing so small that they could choke if they didn't chew it first etc etc. Then just do what feels right to you and is easy for your family. The "rules" will hace changed again in 5 years anyhow!

Oh, and remember, OP -=- you've done this before and this acquaintance of yours hasn't!

She sounds exhausting and a bit judgey but not unusually so, most new mums have chats like that about food and sleep etc etc. If you’re only friends with people who think just like you, you may not have many friends. 😬 Up to you if you wanna keep this one or lose contact. I did ditch one mum for constantly saying “You’re making a rod for your own back!” every time I comforted my baby.

It is possible to wean a baby onto vegetables / protein, then introduce fruit later, I did that and am so pleased I did as her diet was so healthy, but once others began offering sugar to her at parties which we went to from age 3, she got on the sugar train and there wasn’t much I could do. She definitely has a sweet tooth now! Does that make the first 3 years of sugar-free pointless? I don’t think so. 🤷‍♀️

Don't enter into the discussion if it upsets you. Just laugh it off and go haha yeah let's speak again in 6 months. Change topic.

She clearly has way too much time on her hands and needs to get her boring arse back to work.

Most new mums have these conversations and alot dont so things the same way...and that's fine.
It used to annoy me when people would get all defensive if someone did things different to them, as if they thought that person thought they were better, very wierd.

Its fine to give an opinion on something in a group discussion, its not fine to tell someone else to do it

I did BLW and i did all veggies first (for a bit) before they got the sweeter tastes like fruit. Some of my friends did it their way. I never used pouches or jars, some of my friends did. We all still stayed friends and discussed the pros and cons of things but understood we always just did what was best for us

PFB, she'll learn 🙂

Bless her, she's new at this. Children have a well developed sense of what's likely to taste good, and an instinct for chips/ice cream even if they've never tried them before. Plus they'll see other kids eating them/watch Peppa eat a birthday cake/go to nursery and be offered food other than pureed broccoli. Once your child is out in the world you're no longer fully in control, and they will be exposed to things you've not introduced them to. But for now, just smile and nod and ignore.

God knows why some people are so judgy.

I can only tell you that my Dd who was weaned at 4 months on medical advice, spoonfed, fruits and veg mainly, eats anything and everything and always has. My Ds who was baby led weaned at 6 months according to all advice has major food issues.

Not saying it’s because of baby led weaning - it’s probably neuro divergences - but what I mean so you can follow all guidance or none and still get any outcome.

I was given mashed carrots at 10 weeks come to think of it and I have no issues either’

🤣🤣 she sounds insufferable.

I did BLW with both of my boys. For both, their first food was strawberries. In fact, I probably did the whole thing "wrong" because I just let them both each whatever whenever but both eat pretty much anything now so I don't care.

Hopefully she's out of the judgy PFB stage soon. I'm not sure I'd bother continuing the friendship.

Also really anti dummies..

Anyway each to their own, but even with my first, I did just do this at all. I feel silly for letting it upset me. I need to get thicker skin.

It reminds me if that expression "Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories."

Can someone help me out please? What's PFB? Been trying to work it out...

PFB = "precious first born"

Ignore her. She’ll be asking what reading level yours is on when they start school and then how many lines in the school play.

For what it’s worth, I think if you forbid the odd treat it makes them want it more. Mine are teens now. They’ve both gone through fussy phases and eat anything phases. One now eats really well, the other would live off Subway and KFC if I’d let them! It sure it makes that much difference how you wean them.

She sounds sooo annoying

Thankyou. Tought it might be Perfect First Baby, so not too far out!

Yeees, her amazing 0 weeks of weaning experience / six months of expertise as a parent...

Do you OP. She's probably insecure/worried and in some sort of Annabel Karmel rabbithole.

If she's this much of a pain in the ass about other things perhaps rethink the friendship.

PFB - precious first born, to whoever asked.

Just ignore it, you've been there done it and no harm done. I even think - whatever - to the baby rice had no nutritional value arguments, don't they say food before 1 is fun? So what if a baby eats some filler at 6 months. No one relies on rice and puree for long when they have a genuinely hungry, weaned child. It's all just first time anxiety!

Sounds like first baby zeal. Ignore. You are the one with experience! Also, she clearly doesn't understand BLW. I know Gill, who wrote the first book on this subject. The whole point is that you give children a selection of foods and they choose what to try. Broadly speaking this should be a reflection of what you as a family are eating. The idea of restricting your child to just vegetables is anathema to BLW. But ultimately it doesn't matter. She can do what she wants. You can do what you want. The main thing is that no one should judge anyone else. All kids get there in the end. It is no big deal.

Good luck to her and PFB. Most children no matter how you wean, all go through a stage of only wanting to eat chicken nuggets. Just smile - her time will come when she finds out and gets HUMBLED real quick.

Ignore her and feed your son as you always have.

She may well come a cropper at some point over her ideas of the perfect way to wean when her baby flings the food onto the floor, up the wall or smears more through their hair and in their ears than they put in their mouth.

Wait til her 6 month old is 3. She'll be shoving haribos down her throat to get a bit of peace. 😂 It's very easy to be judgemental when you have never had to do it yet.

Just sit back and wait. And see how smug she is about weaning in another 6 months.

Or find less know-it-all friends